what's that he hears?

Would you believe Albert if he told you, that he knows a girl, who hates to shop? Now what is that he hears? The entire female population going " is she even human?!" Yes she is.
Or that she is a passionate football fan, Man Utd to be exact, not those who just like watching 22 pretty men running round? Now what is that he hears? Males going "well can she describe the offside rule?" Probably better than most of you could.
And to top that off, she's drop dead gorgeous. Now what is that he hears? The jaws of the entire male population dropping to the keyboard simultaneously exclaming " no freakking way man!", "you gotta be kidding me!", " you must be dreaming!" Well, yes freaking way, he's not kidding you, and he isnt dreaming. He's pinched himself everytime he's seen her. So pick your jaw off the keyboard and keep reading.
Now just consider how lucky the guy who gets her would be(yeah, she's single), he would'nt have to listen to complaints everytime he went to watch a game, in fact he would be placing bets with this special girl he scored. He would'nt have to worry about a shopoholic girlfriend burning a hole in his pocket and also would'nt be dragged off to spend hours on a shopping marathon on the pretext of "spending time" with the girlfriend( which is bull coz your're there only to pay the shopping bill), because, well frankly, she doesn't like to shop either. He also would'nt have to worry about replying her every single non-stop sms's within a certain time limit before she flips and goes on her " you just don't care bout me" routine again. And he need'nt worry bout using up his credit with fake " I miss you" 's just to keep her mouth shut. Why, coz she aint got no handphone. That lucky S.o.B. that gets her. Well never mind that, Albert guesses the bigger question that's rippling through the blogosphere is: How the hell did Albert get to know her? Well, his mom always told him he was lucky, but he never believed in luck, well until now at least.
A month back, Albert was used to being reduced to just watching this girl, literally poetry in motion, from a safe distance, in school, during recess. Then when his loyal friend/fact spitting walking wikipedia/underdog-ish loser sidekick that everyone loves to loathe except Albert who was wondering what use their friendship was for, found out about it, he came to the rescue, producing the girl's msn to the ever-grateful Albert. Good old Gao Loong. What would he do without you, sidekick, buddy, friend, omnipotent at looking up emails and friendster accounts with very desirable results, dude.
Well, she was very friendly on msn, and even more in real life, yup, he actually talked to her. What is that he hears? Jealous murmerings? Well that's only the tip of the iceberd amigo. Apparently, she also enjoys his company. In fact, it would'nt be exactly far fetched to say that they have some sort of chemistry(well that's the only type of chemistry which he didn't suck at) They also indulge in a little harmless, innocent flirting. Playfully calling each other honey and sweetheart and such. What is that he hears? Hair-pulling and smashing of heads on keyboards? Well at least don't ruin your mouse, you still have to continue scrolling down.
But Albert has to draw the line somewhere, so he just tells her that he only wants to be "friends". What is that he hears? An exasperated echo-ing of "what the hell were you thinking you @#$%!!!!" Well admittedly, he doesnt think when he's around her, obviously, its soo hard to concentrate on anything other than her. But hey, he's come to the conclusion that he doesnt have the emotional depth to take things beyond friendship. In fact, these things only ruin perfectly good frienships when the inevitable break-up comes round, coz its bull when they say "lets just be friends". He also has erotophobia- the fear of dating, and romantic relationships and marriage. Soo that pretty much sums it up, a little less competition for other guys isn't it?
Owh whats that he hears? Just that girl heaving a sigh of relief after Man Utd came back from 1-0 down to win 3-1. Owh well, Albert will just hope that Chelsea thrashes Reading and edge Man Utd from the top by goal difference, whatcha think, honey?