That Machiavelli's the way to go!

Your're probably wondering if there is any correlation whatsoever between the title and the ensuing content, but if History was never your thing, your probably wondering who the heck Machiavelli is too. Niccolo Machivelli was a renaissance figure whose most famous piece of literary work is the book The Prince, where he expounded on his 2 philosophies which were basically the ends justify the means and its better to be feared than to be loved. Still wondering how it relates to today's post? Well I dont see you complaining about Panic! At the disco and Iwritesinsnottragedies so just ignore the seemingly unrelated title and read on.

Well since Monday was pretty much negligible, we shall start on Tuesday. It was the beginning of Albert, Shereena, Tess and Suhaib's participation in the Wira Cup. The debate competition. Shereena was in a prefect uniform, blazer and all, and boy, she looked hot in the short and tight skirt and small blouse. Its like how a nurse's uniform becomes all sexy in a male fantasy when in fact it really isnt, thats how she transformed the school prefect uniform into something Pn Rohaidah and Pn Chong certainly did not appreciate(what?! He drained his brain with intense intellectual activity prior to the big debate alright, he needs to destress, even if it means indulging in typical male Neanderthal ogling).

They had prepared for 2 topics for 2 rounds, but it seemed that only Albert and Suhaib actually believed that they would make it that far. Their 1st opponent was from USJ 8. They wernt that good. With a couple of people from Albert's class watching, they simply disposed of their opponents. They pretty much did the same to USJ 13. Save for Tessrina's slightly comical presentation, they were pretty solid. Well, they in this context, excludes Albert. He didnt speak. He was reserve you see. And he doesnt really mind it. Really. Except for the fact that people never wish him luck, or congratulate him when his team wins. But you know, its all worth it when before the quarantine period, they call for the team leaders to pick a side(as in affirmative or negative) with a coin toss. And when they asked his team who was their leader, in one unanimous breath, they went : "Albert!" Yeah, this is when its all worth it. Its quite a quantum leap, from having absolutely no experience whatsoever in debating, and being on the team just because of a favour instead of meriting his place, to being Team Leader. But no sweat, he will have to do some talking when they take part in the Taylors Debate. After Pn Loges' sincerest congrats, she cautioned Shereena that she will have to change her skirt come the next round. To which Sher nodded almost convincingly. Almost. When Sher was sure that Pn Loges was well out of earshot, she dismissed it saying: "X'x xxx xxx xxxxxx xx xxxxx!"

Wednesday. February 14. Valentines day. Well, here we should all salute Amritha who took on the role of Cupid and busted whatever was left of her miniature derriere over the whole Interact-flower-selling charade. So did a couple of other board members. Albert was tasked with the relatively simple job of picking up muffins. Well school was on as usual, with many interruptions with people bearing gifts only for those who were desirable enough to be showered with Valentines stuff. Like Mee Pei and Shereena. While the rest of the world with not-so-nicely-arranged facial bones could only look. Its a tough world out there. Of course, Manishya, even if she was in college now, still was the most impressive of them all. The things guys would do for her. Its no wonder some people want to rearrage their facial bones(incidentally, Manishya is aiming to be a plastic surgeon).

Thursday. Taylors debate workshop. Before they left for Taylors, Pn Loges again reminded Sher to find another skirt. To which, Sher in all her impeccable timing, ejaculated: "X'x xxx xxx xxxxxx xx xxxxx!" Of course, outside Pn Loges' earshot. Its so nice to use ejaculate like this. The workshop was quite enlightening, if yours truly may do away with the euphemisms. It was basically a debating for dummies kinda thing. Just a reminder of all the stuff you usually take for granted. Picked up on some interesting tactics too. He saw a guy in a kilt debate. He also met Trishantinee(read seniors party) there. She didnt like him. Also met Jasmine, the sister of an old church friend. Sara too, from tuition. And he actually thought had no social life. Compared to Shereena, who only seemed to know Carishma, and Suhaib, who didnt know anyone, and Tess, who only knew Rajan's brother there, he would like to think that his network of friends were just a tad more intellectual than his fellow debaters. Of course, later he found out, that some seriously unpleasant shit happened in school. Big-mouth Boon had to go all rhetorical and ask Pn Saro M( who was in a sociable mood during Sej): "Teacher, do you know who Albert likes?" Yes Boon, Albert likes you. And he likes to kick your tight little ass for asking rhetorical questions about his social life. To which Pn Saro claimed to be all-knowing. Apparantly( this time its purposely mispelled), she reads friendster profiles, which give her access to the social circle of her students. Which may mean that she reads Albert's blogs. She could be reading it at this very moment. Well, Pn Saro, if you are reading this, you need to know that Albert has absolutely no romantic interests whatsoever with your daughter, they are just friends( not like he has a chance anyway).

Friday was Merentas Desa. Well, good to know that Albert went through that hell for the last time. After which, he went home and prepared for tuition. Like a bloody idiot. When he did get there, he was informed that tuition was postponed because everybody else wanted to go watch a movie. Awww...... They could do that every Friday if they wanted to, but at least give Albert a heads up. Is that soo effing hard? Anyway, he killed 2 hours by figuring out the arguments for the topic for the final in which SS17 will go against the winners of the SU-Seafield debate. The topic is " Modern inventions have stifled man's resourceful nature". Super lame topic. But, they cant do much about it, just have to make do with what they've got. Either way Albert can smell victory baby! 2 years being runners up, its gonna be third time lucky for SMKSS17 if anything at all. Especially since he's in the team. After that, he had a nice little chat with Manishya who helped him kill another hour before heading for Mr Suresh's tuition. Its probably good to know that he didnt get temporarily kidnapped because he looked like a criminal this time.

Well thats it. Well, you probably want to know what exactly Shereena said, since it was all X-ed out. Whether or not you want him to connect it to a renaissance figure or not he doesnt know, but he'll try.

Lets just say that Shereena's 2 philosophies are, the ends justify the seams of her skirt which arent equilaterally distanced BELOW her knee, whereby as long as they kick ass in debate, she can dress as she likes. And also, its better to be envied than to be loved. Very typical her. Here's proof, her exact words which were X-ed out:

" Im soo not changing my skirt!"

And thank God for that.

Albert@Kumar



You know, have you ever wondered, with all those exciting things happening around you, like that Parade robbery( where is Albert when all these cool things happen), why it doesnt happen to( or around) you? Well, logically it should right? There are enough of it to go around you know, like kidnappings, being held at gun point, being arrested for looking like a criminal, you know, stuff like that. Well, all of it happened to Albert in one day.

The following may not be even remotely believable, but you believe this alternate-blog-personality, and you mark these pixelated words, you soo arent being fooled around with. Hold your breath people, and start scrolling.

Well, on Friday, after Betty's Physics tuition, Albert was walking to Mr Suresh's place near Sri KL. Now, what happened next was in a residential area. As he was walking, he didnt take particular notice of this sporty, modified, blue wira. But had to look eventually, when an Indian dude with a post-Thaipusam head(bold) came out of the car and gestured to him in Tamil. Another case of a misdirected brother from another mother wanting some directions in Tamil thought Albert as he sauntered up to him already thinking how to look really dumb when that Indian dude eventually asked Albert for directions. He spoke gibberish as he showed Albert a namecard with his finger loosely encircling an address below a printed name. Albert had long perfected what he did next, he just shook his head and just went "taktau" and hoped the brother from another mother would take the hint and not bug him some more in Tamil. But no. The Indian dude took a good look at Albert, and with conviction in his eyes, the Indian dude made a decision.

Barely moments later, Albert had his shirt forcefully tugged by this Indian dude over to the passenger seat of his blue wira. Albert's legs betrayed him as he followed the man over to the other side in bewilderment. The man was tense and slightly nervous as his eyes glanced the street and spoke to Albert in a hoarse whisper: " Get in the car, now!"

The car door was already open by now, and the man was even more tense and hurried. He repeated his words, but in a more threatening manner, and still Albert refused, hoping he could buy time untill someone doing their daily jogging would just by chance come by, but strangely, no one came. But with every passing second, the Indian man could not risk being seen, and with a resolute threat, he looked dead in Albert's eyes, slipped his hands behind his back, and announced that he had a gun.

Bullshit, Albert thought. He was sure he did not see a gun when the man had his back to him moments ago. Then again, he couldnt be sure. Strangely, Albert actually had time to think. There was no adrenaline pumping through his veins, his abdomen did not contract, he did not hyperventilate, all the tell-tale signs of fear. The man sensed this, that man also realised that he was shorter that Albert, and smaller in build, and all he could threaten Albert with was a hypothetical firearm. Albert considered hitting the man and making a run for it. Unfortunately, the man thought of it first.

With a swift movement of his hand, Albert's head throbbed, and he realised that he was on the receiving end. He moved backwards, and ended up in the car seat, and barely heard the car door slam admist the throbbing of his head. The man was already on his right, started the car, and the world started to move backwards from the windscreen. All this happened in barely a minute.

"Who are you?"

" Albert. Im a student. Im 17"

" Where do you live?"

" Sunway."

" Just tell me the truth."

"Wha-"

"Dont lie!"

" Im not! Look, my IC!"

He passed it to him, and thanked his lucky stars that he brought it today. The man took his eyes from the road for a couple of moments, and looked at Albert's chubby face embeded in the IC next to his particulars. He face hardened and looked at the road again. Disbelievingly, he took a second look, and passed it back to Albert. He hid his embarassment and disbelief very well, and took on a matter-of-factly tone.

" I am sorry. Im a policeman. Im looking for Kumar. He looks like you, you know. Exactly like you."

"-huh"

" He stole money from KDU, and Im looking for him. Thats why I-"

" You hit me-"

" Yalah, I asked you to get in the car, you also didnt get in, I got frustrated la!"

They both were in disbelief. It was a tad awkward.

" Im sorry, but you look like him.

He made eye contact again, maybe just to be sure.

" Exactly like him"

"Then the name card?"

" I needed a closer look at you."

He pulled over a couple meters from where he thought he caught "Kumar".

" This is where you where right? Im sorry-"

" Yeah, its ok."

Albert closed the door. It sounded familiar. As the car drove away, Albert made a mental note of the license plate number.

He was slightly annoyed that he was going to be a little late for Mr Suresh's class, but as he quickened his footsteps, he consoled himself-

" This is soo going into my blog!"

Shit Happens



Since this is one of those rare occasions where Albert does not have anything in specific to write about, he will simply just write about this week.

Well, the week was a pretty ordinary one, with the only thing that happened(or didnt happen), was the Tim-Wen Temporary Cold War. As most of you should know, they're coupling(this is NOT a newsflash, in case you start "duh-ing" Albert). Don't ask how, but what went around was that it was a petty thing. Although at first it was a breath of fresh air, since they tend to annoy with their flirty playfulness in class. But eventually it became a bit sad though. Always thought that they would end up with little Timothys and Wei Wens.

But all's well in 17 land. They patched up before Wen's B-day dinner on Friday. Yup, they totally went back to feeling each other's cellular mitosis on a sofa watching MTV. For the dinner they went to celebrate Wen's b-day at this place called Salmon & Steak( not very creative, but they get brownie points for being straight forward).

Nothing interesting happened there, except Tess' open condemnation of using big words among friends. "Oxymoron" to be specific. Apparently Timothy was guilty of that. Well, in Albert's opinion, he appreciates it when someone tries, even in the face of public ostracization, to use big words. Unless its something pretentious like "ludicrous" or "preposterous" in the place of your good old "bullshit". But thats just his opinion.

Remember when he said that this week was ordinary? Well that was until his bike got stolen. Yeah, bummer. No hard feelings toward that bugger, he just sincerely hopes that the thief had like 10 mouths to feed or something, so it can be sort of considered as charity. If not Albert hopes he gets run over. Peace.

Then of course, there was the case of Boon not being invited to John's B-day party. He was pretty crushed. He actually went like: " I dont know who my REAL friends are......I think only you and Jun Kit la..."

This moment was not too dissimilar to when it was announced back in form 3 that JT and Albert were Best Friends 2005. "Why Me?!"

Yeah, if you want a logical explanation for all the events that happened including why people just attach themselves to Albert, and why his bike got stolen, and the other mysteries of the universe, just refer back to the title.