Closer to America


Well, the American dream isn't all that hunky dory sugar and spice and everything nice. -32 C temperatures, narrow mindedness, religious ignorance, boredom(not all of them are happening people), intense homesickness, bland food, xenophobia and cliques to overcome. And yet there were 54 students who made it to the final selection who will be fighting for 30 places for the exchange program scholarship to the US for 6 months. Dumb asses.

Well Albert was one of them. They refers to the eager beavers from all walks of life, from the orang asli to the 10 race(literally) rojak jock to, erm Albert. They had lofty dreams of promoting Malaysian culture and fostering greater understanding between countries as young ambassadors. And somewhere along the lines, help the world attain world peace. To them, its worth it.

To Albert, well, its free what, so what the hell man. Plus the hotel(where they stayed overnight for the selection) food was damn nice. And the jacuzzi was pretty cool too. Naturally world peace would show up somewhere down the list. And Carishma.

Its indeed a wonder how someone(Albert) who managed to screw up the number of American states in his interview(genius answered 44) actually got past the 1st interview. Out of the 600 people, he ended up here, the top 54. Must have been his dashing good looks.

Nevertheless, here he was, in Hotel Singgahsana, for a 2 day 1 night stay for the final selection. Everything was sponsored by the American government, the stay, the breakfast, 2 lunches and dinner. The food was really good. The jacuzzi too. All FOC. Including Carishma.

The interview, was spread out throughout the 2 days, and Albert along with the rest of the Selangor batch was the last few. So while waiting for the interview, just like the 1st interview not too long ago, they had a couple of activities. From what he can remember, there was this game where you had to inter-hold each others hand(in your respective groups) in such a way that it was an insane matrix of a complicated chain of arms interlocked. And you have to unravel it to form the circle that you started with. It was a long, tedious process. Sweaty bodies slithering around and tilting aromas of the body. Albert should have had deodorant on. Then there was one where you tied a balloon to your toe and you had to burst balloons of your rival members and protecting your group mates at the same time. Albert really should have had deodorant on. Then there was one where you have to walk on this grid of similar looking boxes. The trick here is that there are certain boxes which you cant step on. There is only a certain path you can follow, and you cant figure it out without trial and error. And there was this one where you had to build a tower of straws.

Then there was a debate. At first, Albert was excited about it, but by the time he was through, he told himself he probably shouldn't debate for a while at least. It was like meeting an ex. The initial excitement that drew you to them in the first place comes first. Then the painful memories. Debating broke up with Albert. He hasn't got over it. Its difficult-la.

During this whole thing, he met a really nice person. Guess. Bet you think its Carrishma right? WRONG!

Got you this time.

Its spelt with a single "r".

Shes really nice, like the food, and the jacuzzi. Except that she has a great personality, and can carry a conversation plus shes probably one of the more "real" people that he met there. Not being an inanimate object also is a plus. And, yeah, she is good looking. Hey its not ALL about the looks ok. But actually yeah, she is ....

The interviewers were really nice. And no, no major screw ups this time. He's got a pretty good shot at this. Who knows, he might just get it. But even if he doesn't get through its cool, just the experience thus far is awesome enough. All the great people. And, the jacuzzi and the food. Yeah.

It was SO much fun. All jokes aside, the people there are awesome, and if he had to make way for them they would sure as hell deserve it. Time flies when you're with awesome people. 2 days and a night just went by SO fast, it feels like it was almost just yesterday.

Well, it WAS just yesterday anyway.

Negarakuku

At the current time of this posting, it is exactly 2 weeks before Malaysia celebrates her 50th birthday. And she is one unhappy menopausal b****.

Have you heard of the furore surrounding the rather cheeky video posted by this plump(and talented) chinese guy from Johor? If somehow you managed to not notice the tsunami like ripple effect caused by this video in the Malaysian blogosphere, go and redeem whatever pride you may still have left in you here- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gyiBvJtJ5Z4

Please dont be a smart ass and try to continue reading on without checking out the video. Do it for your sake.

Now this guy, parodied Negaraku(Negarakuku), with subtle(and not so subtle) references to Malaysian culture. Its a nice anecdote to all the hoo-ha about Malaysia and Merdeka, 50 years, fuelled by the millions of dollars in taxpayers' money going into generating this hype. Then comes along this little video that eclipses all the pretentious bull revolving around you by injecting a good dose of reality into your collective consciousness. Of course, its not like you dont already know all this shit happening in your society. Its just that its not always that such things are discussed in open. Especially in this delicately balanced, harmonious multiracial country. Everything from currupt policemen to Bumiputra rights to the Azan prayers to government servents. Admittedly, its quite a professional video. The rapping isnt too bad either. Looks nice. Of course, not everyone took to it too kindly.

Fellow Malaysians share their thoughts in an intellectual discourse over Youtube:

zaki..pukimak kau..u balik pergi puki mak kau yg busuk itu..u ingat ini u punya tempat ka..ya betul..tempat babi sial berzina..sebiji macam u punya muka pantat tapir itu...melayu tau bunuh saja..tengok pemandu bas tg sudah mati macam cibai bunuh berapa org..kaum apa pula itu..u punya kaum tau..pukimak punya org
And there are the bold predictions-
all chinese listen if namewee(author of video) dies..blame it on malays and islam...we just wait and see how they gonna to do
Of course there are the incredibly wise ones-
maybe wong is correct too, umno sure fucked up big time, too many corruption in there. good example, some young umno ass propose to make mat rempit as mat cemerlang, fuck this shit man, i dont see where those jibai fuckers rempit can be damn fucking cemerlang
Ditto.

Then there is Misson Impossible 4-

BeePee tak payah balah dgn org jahil lagi bangang macam Chinesevictory. Buang masa ja. Kita sekarang perlu hapuskan Namewee(his real name must be rather boring) tu. Hantar spy kita ke taiwan
WOW are you crazy PIN876!!??..real LIFE??!!Why you keep your eyes on me all the time??Are you the UMNO's undercover????

Brilliant orators-

I will fry your penis with your grandma pussy water,and feed you until your lampa blow up,hahahaha
Hamkafukuai punya honkan

A proud owner of impressive anatomy-

saya punya penis 30inchies maa,mahu cuba???mari saya main punggung awak,tolong saya hisap penis dan sya diao mulut awak sampai tembak sperma keluar dari lubang punggung awak,hahahaa....!!

The slight generalizations-

fuck to all chinese people in mlaysia!!! lets KILL THE ALL...!!!!! they are stupid like their god....PIG!!!

Some self-rightoues idiot trying to spoil the fun-

pls guys, pls refrain from using obscene word... This issue is more towards whether malaysian malays should have any special privileges....

Occasionly, someone manages to comment in proper English-

I like the positive spin on the social and political observation on the malay and non malay culture. You should take pride being a Malaysian. To be a sucessful nation, it takes a lot of tolerance, patients, compassion, forgiving and understanding to co exist. Not many nations in this world are able to achieve that

To top all this patriotism off, Albert found out he got NS. Which is going to clash with his exchange program is he manages to ace the interview with the Ambassador of the US to Malaysia. Wonderful country this.

And just how is he going to impress the ambassador about how he wants to represent Malaysian culture?

sakitgigi,u pergi tuang Coca-cola ke dalam lubang ccohai nenek awak,lepas itu ambil straw dan hisap minum Coca-cola cibai nenek,taruk kaki kau ke dalam dubur datuk kau dan korek berak keluar,hahahaha

Oh boy.

"Ohmmmmm"

This week, has been a realisation of the synergy of forces of the universe. The Yin Yang. The two opposite forces that serve to bring the the Universe to its natural balance. Where things come back to the way it was. A return to the origin. Let us unite our energy with the Universe, and meditate upon these soul-lifting, enlightening holy scripts.

"Ohmmmmm"

Albert is getting installed.

"Ohmmmmm"

For now he has retired from the prefect board, and come Monday, he will be, get this, sitting in assembly! Whoa! Not just that, he will actually be walking through the spotcheck line!! Double-whoa!! And no more duty. Which means normal recess again! Triple-whoa!!

Let us not get too excited now, calm your inner energy.

"Ohmmmmm"

Albert honestly thought the next Head would be Geetha, but it turned out to be this tall Chinese guy, the name escapes Albert. According to Pn. Rohaida, the outgoing batch were the best batch of prefects she has had(we're not discounting the possibility that she says this to every batch), but considering how they didn't get too many complaints from the teachers(it is virtually impossible to be complaint-free anyway) you could say they did a pretty good job. That in mind, Mr Hands-Up(as Albert's classmates refer to him as) will have quite a difficult task ahead of him. He doesn't seem to have the personality of Yih Ren, or the ease in carrying the burden-of-command, but then again Yih Ren had more experience. Either way prepare for some serious shit amigo.

....

Then there is the Interact Installation. How he managed to get in the board in the first place baffles him, albeit it being "just" the Sargent-in-Arms. Who got a cert. Ruffled quite a few feathers him getting cert, since only 4 people get it. So it really is one of the best jobs on the board. You dint have to do much, and you get to say "I told you soo" no matter what the outcome. Plus you get a cert.

His successor happens to be a guy(after some girl disappointed her bra-burning feminist grandmothers by rejecting the post because it was a "guy job") who, has a pretty face. Who said you have to be intimidating to hold this post anyway? Speaking of the successors, the new board is, well, not bad. They are of course, still wet behind the ears, with the usual indignity of trying to prove they can outdo or at least equal the outgoing board's success, on their own. They'll master the learning curve no doubt, once they work on the communication, execution(go on, laugh at the double meaning), organization etc etc. This is because the Installation Day they organized was a reflection of the aforementioned attributes(or the lack of it). Well at least they topped Shanon's batch during their Installation, which had a turnout of a grand total of 2 guests. This time around well, lets just say Albert contributed to 25% of the attendance on that day by calling Gao Loong , and 2 guests made it for the final 10 minutes of the thing.

Of course, you could put it down to sheer bad luck, as they found out much too late that SU's Installation was on the same day, and people generally prefer to go to events organized by the Interact Club with the "Largest Membership in the World" than, ahem, SS17's "very fun" Interact Club. So in all fairness, there would be little difference had the outgoing board organized it. "Little" is open to interpretation here.

But thumbs up anyway to the new President Evan Morris, who seems to be able( or at least gives the impression) to control his board members. For a prime example, he managed to shut Tess up when she annoyed him. And Albert is sure that you will agree with him that that is no easy task.

Mankind -1

Tess -0

And then he did it again(or soo Albert heard)

Mankind -2

Tess -0

This guy is awesome. But then again they were all stressed out, and naturally, people tend to get each other's nerves. No worries though, Tess will catch up soon.

And thus ends the cycle of events, where we come back to the beginning, the balance is achieved again, the Universe is unfolding as it should, and normalcy rules. As usual.

"Ohmmmm"