somewhere, a duck is watching you
There are great patriots who would die for their country, martyrs who would die for their religion, and hopeless romantics that would die for their love. Brave men indeed. But surely, they must be afraid of something?? Yes, they maybe willing to give up their lives, but surely they are susceptible to something? Don’t be surprised to find out if these great men hide an Achilles Heel like, maybe, Anatidaephobia- fear that somewhere, somehow, a duck is watching you. Or maybe Arachibutyrophobia- fear of peanut butter sticking to the roof of the mouth. But he digresses.
For the point of the matter is that Albert has his fears too. Think Erotophobia- the fear of marriage, dating, and romantic relationships. Yes, his faithful fans will tell you that this has been mentioned before, but as trivial and petty this may seem at his age, do hear him out.
This is for real. Not just those things that you would just grow out of. He has asked himself this question many times, what really is the point of getting married? If he liked kids that would be a different matter, but he doesn’t. He himself comes from a semi-dysfunctional family, which maybe lies the root of the problem. Where is the love, a group that named themselves after a non-existent vegetable would holler, well, no where near this amigo that’s for sure. Let us consider the repercussions of a singleton’s life. The freedom is one thing, dying a lonely man is another.
Lets start with something random like say, hmm, maybe, somewhere, like, sex. Ohhh, the TABOO subject. Well don’t get all disgusted with him, of course theres more to marriage than sex, and it definitely isnt the ONLY thing on his mind, mind you. But in accordance to his religion, premarital “seed-spreading” is sinful. But its actually a beautiful thing, let him put it this way-
“ you can lose yourself, everything, all boundaries, all time, the two bodies become soo mixed up that you don’t know who’s who or what’s what, and just when the sweet confusion soo intense you think you’re going to die, and you know you kinda do, leaving you alone in your separate body, but the one you love is still there. That’s the miracle, you can go to heaven and come back alive, go back anytime you want with the one you love.”
Wouldn’t it be an absolute shame to miss out on that? Thou thinketh him shallow are thou not? Well go screw thouself, he maintains his romantic views about it. But with no wife=no going to heaven and back.
Also, his mom constantly daydreams about his marriage, the perfect daughter in law and such. He wouldn’t want to break her heart by saying no to marriage. Also being the eldest, it is expected for him to lead by example; also mom wants to arrange the whole thing. No worries though, she sets her standards soo high she’ll never finding a living person who fits the profile willing to go to heaven with Albert INSIDE wedlock.
Somehow, he thinks marriage is society’s way to trap young people to adhere to an accepted social structure whereby the building blocks starts at the family. He wants to be George Clooney, bachelor for life. But then again, he feels that one would be a failure if they don’t have a family to show off. Hence the dilemma, which is as much of a problem as it would be if it came from a 36 year old, instead of another rant from a teenager. Because Albert has foresight. Which is refreshing cause some guys have more foreskin than foresight. Still it is pretty distant a problem, 20 years down the road.
Maybe by then he would have made up his mind. Maybe he would fall helplessly in love with some girl who would sweep him off his feet and get hitched with him before Albert can even say “pre-nup?” But if not, it is going to have to be a one-way ticket to heaven then would'nt it?
Saturday, October 28, 2006
what's that he hears?
Would you believe Albert if he told you, that he knows a girl, who hates to shop? Now what is that he hears? The entire female population going " is she even human?!" Yes she is.
Or that she is a passionate football fan, Man Utd to be exact, not those who just like watching 22 pretty men running round? Now what is that he hears? Males going "well can she describe the offside rule?" Probably better than most of you could.
And to top that off, she's drop dead gorgeous. Now what is that he hears? The jaws of the entire male population dropping to the keyboard simultaneously exclaming " no freakking way man!", "you gotta be kidding me!", " you must be dreaming!" Well, yes freaking way, he's not kidding you, and he isnt dreaming. He's pinched himself everytime he's seen her. So pick your jaw off the keyboard and keep reading.
Now just consider how lucky the guy who gets her would be(yeah, she's single), he would'nt have to listen to complaints everytime he went to watch a game, in fact he would be placing bets with this special girl he scored. He would'nt have to worry about a shopoholic girlfriend burning a hole in his pocket and also would'nt be dragged off to spend hours on a shopping marathon on the pretext of "spending time" with the girlfriend( which is bull coz your're there only to pay the shopping bill), because, well frankly, she doesn't like to shop either. He also would'nt have to worry about replying her every single non-stop sms's within a certain time limit before she flips and goes on her " you just don't care bout me" routine again. And he need'nt worry bout using up his credit with fake " I miss you" 's just to keep her mouth shut. Why, coz she aint got no handphone. That lucky S.o.B. that gets her. Well never mind that, Albert guesses the bigger question that's rippling through the blogosphere is: How the hell did Albert get to know her? Well, his mom always told him he was lucky, but he never believed in luck, well until now at least.
A month back, Albert was used to being reduced to just watching this girl, literally poetry in motion, from a safe distance, in school, during recess. Then when his loyal friend/fact spitting walking wikipedia/underdog-ish loser sidekick that everyone loves to loathe except Albert who was wondering what use their friendship was for, found out about it, he came to the rescue, producing the girl's msn to the ever-grateful Albert. Good old Gao Loong. What would he do without you, sidekick, buddy, friend, omnipotent at looking up emails and friendster accounts with very desirable results, dude.
Well, she was very friendly on msn, and even more in real life, yup, he actually talked to her. What is that he hears? Jealous murmerings? Well that's only the tip of the iceberd amigo. Apparently, she also enjoys his company. In fact, it would'nt be exactly far fetched to say that they have some sort of chemistry(well that's the only type of chemistry which he didn't suck at) They also indulge in a little harmless, innocent flirting. Playfully calling each other honey and sweetheart and such. What is that he hears? Hair-pulling and smashing of heads on keyboards? Well at least don't ruin your mouse, you still have to continue scrolling down.
But Albert has to draw the line somewhere, so he just tells her that he only wants to be "friends". What is that he hears? An exasperated echo-ing of "what the hell were you thinking you @#$%!!!!" Well admittedly, he doesnt think when he's around her, obviously, its soo hard to concentrate on anything other than her. But hey, he's come to the conclusion that he doesnt have the emotional depth to take things beyond friendship. In fact, these things only ruin perfectly good frienships when the inevitable break-up comes round, coz its bull when they say "lets just be friends". He also has erotophobia- the fear of dating, and romantic relationships and marriage. Soo that pretty much sums it up, a little less competition for other guys isn't it?
Owh whats that he hears? Just that girl heaving a sigh of relief after Man Utd came back from 1-0 down to win 3-1. Owh well, Albert will just hope that Chelsea thrashes Reading and edge Man Utd from the top by goal difference, whatcha think, honey?
Would you believe Albert if he told you, that he knows a girl, who hates to shop? Now what is that he hears? The entire female population going " is she even human?!" Yes she is.
Or that she is a passionate football fan, Man Utd to be exact, not those who just like watching 22 pretty men running round? Now what is that he hears? Males going "well can she describe the offside rule?" Probably better than most of you could.
And to top that off, she's drop dead gorgeous. Now what is that he hears? The jaws of the entire male population dropping to the keyboard simultaneously exclaming " no freakking way man!", "you gotta be kidding me!", " you must be dreaming!" Well, yes freaking way, he's not kidding you, and he isnt dreaming. He's pinched himself everytime he's seen her. So pick your jaw off the keyboard and keep reading.
Now just consider how lucky the guy who gets her would be(yeah, she's single), he would'nt have to listen to complaints everytime he went to watch a game, in fact he would be placing bets with this special girl he scored. He would'nt have to worry about a shopoholic girlfriend burning a hole in his pocket and also would'nt be dragged off to spend hours on a shopping marathon on the pretext of "spending time" with the girlfriend( which is bull coz your're there only to pay the shopping bill), because, well frankly, she doesn't like to shop either. He also would'nt have to worry about replying her every single non-stop sms's within a certain time limit before she flips and goes on her " you just don't care bout me" routine again. And he need'nt worry bout using up his credit with fake " I miss you" 's just to keep her mouth shut. Why, coz she aint got no handphone. That lucky S.o.B. that gets her. Well never mind that, Albert guesses the bigger question that's rippling through the blogosphere is: How the hell did Albert get to know her? Well, his mom always told him he was lucky, but he never believed in luck, well until now at least.
A month back, Albert was used to being reduced to just watching this girl, literally poetry in motion, from a safe distance, in school, during recess. Then when his loyal friend/fact spitting walking wikipedia/underdog-ish loser sidekick that everyone loves to loathe except Albert who was wondering what use their friendship was for, found out about it, he came to the rescue, producing the girl's msn to the ever-grateful Albert. Good old Gao Loong. What would he do without you, sidekick, buddy, friend, omnipotent at looking up emails and friendster accounts with very desirable results, dude.
Well, she was very friendly on msn, and even more in real life, yup, he actually talked to her. What is that he hears? Jealous murmerings? Well that's only the tip of the iceberd amigo. Apparently, she also enjoys his company. In fact, it would'nt be exactly far fetched to say that they have some sort of chemistry(well that's the only type of chemistry which he didn't suck at) They also indulge in a little harmless, innocent flirting. Playfully calling each other honey and sweetheart and such. What is that he hears? Hair-pulling and smashing of heads on keyboards? Well at least don't ruin your mouse, you still have to continue scrolling down.
But Albert has to draw the line somewhere, so he just tells her that he only wants to be "friends". What is that he hears? An exasperated echo-ing of "what the hell were you thinking you @#$%!!!!" Well admittedly, he doesnt think when he's around her, obviously, its soo hard to concentrate on anything other than her. But hey, he's come to the conclusion that he doesnt have the emotional depth to take things beyond friendship. In fact, these things only ruin perfectly good frienships when the inevitable break-up comes round, coz its bull when they say "lets just be friends". He also has erotophobia- the fear of dating, and romantic relationships and marriage. Soo that pretty much sums it up, a little less competition for other guys isn't it?
Owh whats that he hears? Just that girl heaving a sigh of relief after Man Utd came back from 1-0 down to win 3-1. Owh well, Albert will just hope that Chelsea thrashes Reading and edge Man Utd from the top by goal difference, whatcha think, honey?
Simply put-Sean's Party
Life in itself is meaningless. Your's, Albert's, just inconsequential. Like imprints on the Sands of Time, to be eventually ebbed away for other imprints. Even so, you can take solace in the fact that there will be short moments in your life that will be a class above the rest of your piteous and banal existance. Yesterday, was one of those moments in Albert's life. Maybe a little dramatic, but hey, cut him some slack, he ain't got much of a life.
Still, it was very special. To give you some of the highlights, Shereena ask him the meaning of another word, Reddy willingly let him stare at her breast(ok, ok! CHEST), Tim-Wen made out and owh yeah, Albert kissed a girl for the first time in his life. Here are the lucid details-
It all started when he entered Sean's house. Huddled in the living space outside his home, were Tim-Wen, Boon, Tess, Amritha, Dian, Chris Teh, and Sean. JT, Micheal, and Sam were sweating over the barbeque. Aha, no wonder the meat tasted a little too salty. Well all these people, crammed in that small space, was his entire world, well at least half his world, cause there were still a few people who wern't there yet. But they don't know, prolly never will know how much they mean to him. They welcomed him, he grabbed the food instead(hey, friends are forever, food isnt).
He joined them as they were in the middle of their meals, being merry, Tim was back at his comic best, although a little bit distracted by wen. Albert's eyes danced upon everyone, Tess was always fashionable, Amritha almost predictably in black, and Dian seemed to be donning something typical, generous with the skin, but the effect has sort of worn off. As he was in a tussle with his meat, Boon gestured to the gate after annoucing Sher and Anu's arrival in a whisper, then loudly, shouted: " eh! leng loi!!" Damn, very leng loi indeed.
As his mouth feasted on the meat, his eyes feasted on Reddy, the appetizer, then the main course, Shereena in an almost over the top dress ending in the middle her thighs. Its a pity tho, if she had seriously high heels, those legs would be gorgeous. And so it was, seated on his right, Dian, left, Reddy and Shereena, and almost immedietly, he lost his appetite for the food, for he had something else to feast on now.
Then there was the games. The first one was rather interesting, maybe a little violent. They all formed a cicle(it seems this is the most popular shape). Then they were supposed to grab the weapon, an intimidating newspaper rolled so thickly and covered in plastic, upon doing so, they had the liberty to whack someone with it. Albert got whacked by Boon, who did a decent job, but soon after Albert showed him the proper way to do it, it was sweet revenge indeed. And then an absurd game ensued, not really worth mentioning.
Owh, then the cake cutting part. Heavenly ice cream cake. Gulped down his champagne, which only heated him up. Then the best part, they had little game of truth or dare.
The lights dimmed, and they crowded into a circle(again! circle! what's wrong with triangles or squares huh?!)
The empty champagne bottle was in the centre, it was spun, and the game began. Gao Loong after much deliberating, asked Dian whether she had done her Add math homework after Dian chose Truth. Yeah, nice one Gao Loong. Albert was waiting for the bottle to point his way, but it just did not want to. Instead, they had Boon doing a semi-striptease after absolutely refusing to take ALL his clothes off, a dare by Tess(yeah, figures). And then Micheal did a little jig with Reddy, but Albert was getting bored by now. Then came Sher’s turn to spin the bottle. Yeah, all it took was that special touch, and the bottle stopped pointing at him. He let out a scream, for he was really waiting for this moment. Oooooh, and Shereena didn’t disappoint. “Truth or Dare?” she asked. He picked dare, cause he would have lied his way out of Truth anyway. She thought for a while, but it was almost as though she already had it in her mind, it was quite a fantastic idea. Their eyes locked for a while, as everyone dropped silent. “Except me, pick someone of the opposite sex and kiss her. Owh yeah, she has to be special." They looked at each other for a little while more, as he was struck by the irony of her emphasis of a special girl. The crowd went into raptures, for this is what makes the game what it is. Just to exact a measure of revenge, he would have willingly French kissed her for daring him in the first place, but she had already exempted herself. There were random, predictable names strewn out from all the deafening noise, he ignored them all, they weren’t much of a help. He had to think fast, and quickly he ruled out everyone that he could ill afford to kiss. He couldn’t give them their satisfaction, so all Indian gals were ruled out, besides there would be endless taunting. Just for kicks, he gave Tess a hard stare, “You know this look,” he teased. Boy, the expression on her face was worth a million bucks. A weird look of horror and disgust manifested itself in a twisted face, vigorous head shaking, and almost “pleading for mercy” lips. That was fun. Well it was down to business now. It was really a no brainer, Wen was the only one that he could get away with kissing. Besides, Tim already gave him his approval. Just a quick peck, but wen kinda had her eyes shut soo tightly, like she was expecting him to land it on her lips or something.
Well, the rest just pales in comparison with that kiss. But he suspected Sher was engaging in some sort of phone sex on a more suble context. Well, it might seem like he's taking some sort of revenge on her thru this blog, but he has evidance. She kept dissapearing with her phone, and then she asked him how to spell "middie". It was supposed to indicate the length of her skirt( it was until the middle of her thigh). And then she proceeded to type furiously on her phone. Now, you tell him, isn't it mildly odd that she should be descriptive of her clothes(or lack of it) thru sms? For her sake, I hope its not some sick dude on the receiving end, but its prolly nothing. He just wanted to bring that up to piss her off.
And soo, the rest of the party proceeded with with tim-wen making out, prolly making sure any traces Albert left on her was wiped away with "lurrrve". Shereena also asked him what "emulate" meant, this time it wasn't cute, it was a dumb question. C'mon Shereena!! Emulate damn it!! How can you NOT know?!! Yeah, still trying to piss her off. He also had the chance to gaze at Reddy's bre -chest, chest! On the pretext of taking a closer look at this chinese character imprinted there. Then the present opening time. Everything from chocolates to weird mug like thingys and shirts. Of course, the best part was the football boots, it was a Nike. Lucky S.O.B. . He got a somewhat mysterious cd from Albert, the only thing that retained its anonymity once the wrappers were torn off. Albert told him to check it out ALONE. Go figure.
And soo the party ended. He was sad. Then Reddy and Shereena left. He was even more sad. Boon Han, fresh from a Need for Speed race with Brandon( Sean's 10 year old bro) which he took soo much pride in FINALLY beating, beckened to Albert, as boon's mom was here. He put on his shoes, put the shoelaces in his pocket(blame the stupid game which wasn't mentioned here). He got in the car, and ruefully acknowledged that this "moment" has finally come to a full CIRCLE( damn! another circle).
Life in itself is meaningless. Your's, Albert's, just inconsequential. Like imprints on the Sands of Time, to be eventually ebbed away for other imprints. Even so, you can take solace in the fact that there will be short moments in your life that will be a class above the rest of your piteous and banal existance. Yesterday, was one of those moments in Albert's life. Maybe a little dramatic, but hey, cut him some slack, he ain't got much of a life.
Still, it was very special. To give you some of the highlights, Shereena ask him the meaning of another word, Reddy willingly let him stare at her breast(ok, ok! CHEST), Tim-Wen made out and owh yeah, Albert kissed a girl for the first time in his life. Here are the lucid details-
It all started when he entered Sean's house. Huddled in the living space outside his home, were Tim-Wen, Boon, Tess, Amritha, Dian, Chris Teh, and Sean. JT, Micheal, and Sam were sweating over the barbeque. Aha, no wonder the meat tasted a little too salty. Well all these people, crammed in that small space, was his entire world, well at least half his world, cause there were still a few people who wern't there yet. But they don't know, prolly never will know how much they mean to him. They welcomed him, he grabbed the food instead(hey, friends are forever, food isnt).
He joined them as they were in the middle of their meals, being merry, Tim was back at his comic best, although a little bit distracted by wen. Albert's eyes danced upon everyone, Tess was always fashionable, Amritha almost predictably in black, and Dian seemed to be donning something typical, generous with the skin, but the effect has sort of worn off. As he was in a tussle with his meat, Boon gestured to the gate after annoucing Sher and Anu's arrival in a whisper, then loudly, shouted: " eh! leng loi!!" Damn, very leng loi indeed.
As his mouth feasted on the meat, his eyes feasted on Reddy, the appetizer, then the main course, Shereena in an almost over the top dress ending in the middle her thighs. Its a pity tho, if she had seriously high heels, those legs would be gorgeous. And so it was, seated on his right, Dian, left, Reddy and Shereena, and almost immedietly, he lost his appetite for the food, for he had something else to feast on now.
Then there was the games. The first one was rather interesting, maybe a little violent. They all formed a cicle(it seems this is the most popular shape). Then they were supposed to grab the weapon, an intimidating newspaper rolled so thickly and covered in plastic, upon doing so, they had the liberty to whack someone with it. Albert got whacked by Boon, who did a decent job, but soon after Albert showed him the proper way to do it, it was sweet revenge indeed. And then an absurd game ensued, not really worth mentioning.
Owh, then the cake cutting part. Heavenly ice cream cake. Gulped down his champagne, which only heated him up. Then the best part, they had little game of truth or dare.
The lights dimmed, and they crowded into a circle(again! circle! what's wrong with triangles or squares huh?!)
The empty champagne bottle was in the centre, it was spun, and the game began. Gao Loong after much deliberating, asked Dian whether she had done her Add math homework after Dian chose Truth. Yeah, nice one Gao Loong. Albert was waiting for the bottle to point his way, but it just did not want to. Instead, they had Boon doing a semi-striptease after absolutely refusing to take ALL his clothes off, a dare by Tess(yeah, figures). And then Micheal did a little jig with Reddy, but Albert was getting bored by now. Then came Sher’s turn to spin the bottle. Yeah, all it took was that special touch, and the bottle stopped pointing at him. He let out a scream, for he was really waiting for this moment. Oooooh, and Shereena didn’t disappoint. “Truth or Dare?” she asked. He picked dare, cause he would have lied his way out of Truth anyway. She thought for a while, but it was almost as though she already had it in her mind, it was quite a fantastic idea. Their eyes locked for a while, as everyone dropped silent. “Except me, pick someone of the opposite sex and kiss her. Owh yeah, she has to be special." They looked at each other for a little while more, as he was struck by the irony of her emphasis of a special girl. The crowd went into raptures, for this is what makes the game what it is. Just to exact a measure of revenge, he would have willingly French kissed her for daring him in the first place, but she had already exempted herself. There were random, predictable names strewn out from all the deafening noise, he ignored them all, they weren’t much of a help. He had to think fast, and quickly he ruled out everyone that he could ill afford to kiss. He couldn’t give them their satisfaction, so all Indian gals were ruled out, besides there would be endless taunting. Just for kicks, he gave Tess a hard stare, “You know this look,” he teased. Boy, the expression on her face was worth a million bucks. A weird look of horror and disgust manifested itself in a twisted face, vigorous head shaking, and almost “pleading for mercy” lips. That was fun. Well it was down to business now. It was really a no brainer, Wen was the only one that he could get away with kissing. Besides, Tim already gave him his approval. Just a quick peck, but wen kinda had her eyes shut soo tightly, like she was expecting him to land it on her lips or something.
Well, the rest just pales in comparison with that kiss. But he suspected Sher was engaging in some sort of phone sex on a more suble context. Well, it might seem like he's taking some sort of revenge on her thru this blog, but he has evidance. She kept dissapearing with her phone, and then she asked him how to spell "middie". It was supposed to indicate the length of her skirt( it was until the middle of her thigh). And then she proceeded to type furiously on her phone. Now, you tell him, isn't it mildly odd that she should be descriptive of her clothes(or lack of it) thru sms? For her sake, I hope its not some sick dude on the receiving end, but its prolly nothing. He just wanted to bring that up to piss her off.
And soo, the rest of the party proceeded with with tim-wen making out, prolly making sure any traces Albert left on her was wiped away with "lurrrve". Shereena also asked him what "emulate" meant, this time it wasn't cute, it was a dumb question. C'mon Shereena!! Emulate damn it!! How can you NOT know?!! Yeah, still trying to piss her off. He also had the chance to gaze at Reddy's bre -chest, chest! On the pretext of taking a closer look at this chinese character imprinted there. Then the present opening time. Everything from chocolates to weird mug like thingys and shirts. Of course, the best part was the football boots, it was a Nike. Lucky S.O.B. . He got a somewhat mysterious cd from Albert, the only thing that retained its anonymity once the wrappers were torn off. Albert told him to check it out ALONE. Go figure.
And soo the party ended. He was sad. Then Reddy and Shereena left. He was even more sad. Boon Han, fresh from a Need for Speed race with Brandon( Sean's 10 year old bro) which he took soo much pride in FINALLY beating, beckened to Albert, as boon's mom was here. He put on his shoes, put the shoelaces in his pocket(blame the stupid game which wasn't mentioned here). He got in the car, and ruefully acknowledged that this "moment" has finally come to a full CIRCLE( damn! another circle).
corny ending alert!!
Have you ever had one of those moments, where you find yourself reading or watching tv where the character is in an unenviable position, a cliché moment where its hard to believe that its just merely pure coincidence where the character is on the wrong end of a classic case of cruel irony? Yes, we often point and laugh at these situations, thinking that such things only exists in the realm of fiction. How very wrong we are, for life does in fact imitate art as much as art imitates life.
Even in real life, we can often find ourselves bemoaning our luck, that special “oh great, that’s just great!!” moment. In fact we aren’t actually exclaiming how great our situation is, but we are in all actuality mirroring our sad predicament with such an oxymoronic ejaculation. Its called pure irony folks.
Albert’s life has a good share of irony. Yes, everything from the ones that make you grab a tissue box, to the ones where you roll on the ground with uncontrollable laughter.
As I begin to narrate an important event in his life, I hope that you persevere all the way to the end of this posting, as you would be deservedly rewarded by the time you reach the final word, in the intellectual sense.
As all good stories go, there’s a girl involved. He would kill me if I told you who she was, so for my well-being, lets keep her a secret shall we? Well his whole life can be split into 2 different phases. Before the girl, and after the girl. Before the girl, he was a reserved kid, shy round girls, and generally not living as he really should. Look, it was a torrid time for the Ego, those 4 months, when I had to share his consciousness with her, but it was his hormones that decided to conspire against him. Heck, even the Ego didn’t get a hint of what was going on, they were really good. It will take me a while to forgive what they did, but here’s what happened.
One moment, he was his normal self, then the next, he saw her face, then somehow the stars seemed to suddenly aligne, trust me, its not easy to get them to line up, his hormones got it down to clockwork. Some kind of internal harmonious symphony suddenly just kicked into action, playing a hypnotic tune, so melodious in her wake. It gripped his mind like nothing he had ever known, by the time I realized, it was too late. I could do nothing to save him. He had a crush.
Can you imagine? The Great Ego, giving way to a girl!Had to take a backseat for a while, those vile, sneaky bastards.
So in all the Ego's wisedom, told him to enjoy it while he could. That time was when he started to actually identify to corny love songs,and such, in fact, corny was slowly slipping away from his vocabulary, scarry indeed. So with the Ego and her trying to gain control of him, the Ego succeeded in preventing him from doing anything as assinine as courting her, but the stalking could not be helped. There is only soo much the Ego could do in that kind of situations. And soo it was, with him on cload nine, and the Ego tagging along with a sour, moody face.
You know the saying "Absence makes the heart grow fonder", yeah, well thats bullshit. Thank goodness. It took a little more than a month of "absence" from her or seeing her, and he was cured of all puppy-love-sickness. And finally the Ego regained full control of him. And finally, his rite of passsage was over, all teenage affliated things which came hand in hand with hormones finally came to a full circle. She was gone, his pimples were gone, and the hormones are gone too, maintaining a low profile, as they should, or they'll face the Ego's wrath. But he guesses, this was his renaissance, finally, he was complete. This year, the world witnessed a new Albert, one that would'nt bat an eyelid at being hot on the scorching trails of some blistering hot chick or other. His confidence, somehow just spilled over. All because of her.
But of course, she will always be that special one. In spite of him having roving eyes. But the irony was that she was the last person he would choose to have any sort of feelings for, he regrets the whole charade of actually liking HER of all people.Sometimes he wonders, if only he didnt look at her at that very moment in that way, if only he didnt check her out, wouldnt things be soo much more different? In all his sensibility, he knows that she's the last girl he would go for, and yet, she just had to be the ONE. But that's just how it is isnt it? Of all the fish in the ocean Albert, of all of them.........
But now that is well and truly old news. Just another skeleton in his cupboard. And now hes pretty much resigned to losing her to another guy, it doesnt really matter to him, whoever that lucky s. o. b. is. He doesnt mind being beaten to her by a richer guy, a smarter guy, a more handsome guy or a more charming guy, but never, never has and never will, be beaten by a guy who felt for her as much as he did.( this was the best ending in mind, deosnt really reflect the truth, so dont take it too literally)
Have you ever had one of those moments, where you find yourself reading or watching tv where the character is in an unenviable position, a cliché moment where its hard to believe that its just merely pure coincidence where the character is on the wrong end of a classic case of cruel irony? Yes, we often point and laugh at these situations, thinking that such things only exists in the realm of fiction. How very wrong we are, for life does in fact imitate art as much as art imitates life.
Even in real life, we can often find ourselves bemoaning our luck, that special “oh great, that’s just great!!” moment. In fact we aren’t actually exclaiming how great our situation is, but we are in all actuality mirroring our sad predicament with such an oxymoronic ejaculation. Its called pure irony folks.
Albert’s life has a good share of irony. Yes, everything from the ones that make you grab a tissue box, to the ones where you roll on the ground with uncontrollable laughter.
As I begin to narrate an important event in his life, I hope that you persevere all the way to the end of this posting, as you would be deservedly rewarded by the time you reach the final word, in the intellectual sense.
As all good stories go, there’s a girl involved. He would kill me if I told you who she was, so for my well-being, lets keep her a secret shall we? Well his whole life can be split into 2 different phases. Before the girl, and after the girl. Before the girl, he was a reserved kid, shy round girls, and generally not living as he really should. Look, it was a torrid time for the Ego, those 4 months, when I had to share his consciousness with her, but it was his hormones that decided to conspire against him. Heck, even the Ego didn’t get a hint of what was going on, they were really good. It will take me a while to forgive what they did, but here’s what happened.
One moment, he was his normal self, then the next, he saw her face, then somehow the stars seemed to suddenly aligne, trust me, its not easy to get them to line up, his hormones got it down to clockwork. Some kind of internal harmonious symphony suddenly just kicked into action, playing a hypnotic tune, so melodious in her wake. It gripped his mind like nothing he had ever known, by the time I realized, it was too late. I could do nothing to save him. He had a crush.
Can you imagine? The Great Ego, giving way to a girl!Had to take a backseat for a while, those vile, sneaky bastards.
So in all the Ego's wisedom, told him to enjoy it while he could. That time was when he started to actually identify to corny love songs,and such, in fact, corny was slowly slipping away from his vocabulary, scarry indeed. So with the Ego and her trying to gain control of him, the Ego succeeded in preventing him from doing anything as assinine as courting her, but the stalking could not be helped. There is only soo much the Ego could do in that kind of situations. And soo it was, with him on cload nine, and the Ego tagging along with a sour, moody face.
You know the saying "Absence makes the heart grow fonder", yeah, well thats bullshit. Thank goodness. It took a little more than a month of "absence" from her or seeing her, and he was cured of all puppy-love-sickness. And finally the Ego regained full control of him. And finally, his rite of passsage was over, all teenage affliated things which came hand in hand with hormones finally came to a full circle. She was gone, his pimples were gone, and the hormones are gone too, maintaining a low profile, as they should, or they'll face the Ego's wrath. But he guesses, this was his renaissance, finally, he was complete. This year, the world witnessed a new Albert, one that would'nt bat an eyelid at being hot on the scorching trails of some blistering hot chick or other. His confidence, somehow just spilled over. All because of her.
But of course, she will always be that special one. In spite of him having roving eyes. But the irony was that she was the last person he would choose to have any sort of feelings for, he regrets the whole charade of actually liking HER of all people.Sometimes he wonders, if only he didnt look at her at that very moment in that way, if only he didnt check her out, wouldnt things be soo much more different? In all his sensibility, he knows that she's the last girl he would go for, and yet, she just had to be the ONE. But that's just how it is isnt it? Of all the fish in the ocean Albert, of all of them.........
But now that is well and truly old news. Just another skeleton in his cupboard. And now hes pretty much resigned to losing her to another guy, it doesnt really matter to him, whoever that lucky s. o. b. is. He doesnt mind being beaten to her by a richer guy, a smarter guy, a more handsome guy or a more charming guy, but never, never has and never will, be beaten by a guy who felt for her as much as he did.( this was the best ending in mind, deosnt really reflect the truth, so dont take it too literally)
2 guys, 2 gals and an Asia Cafe
Gosh, today was fun. Reddy absolutely insisted he went to Asia Cafe, despite his protestations of having a board meeting, and not knowing where or what asia cafe was(yeah, got a lot of omg's from people when he told them that). But Reddy always had her way. Actually it was just going out on the occasion of Shereena's birthday that gave him 2nd thoughts about joining them. Believe it or not, it was close to 3 years of being classmates with her yet he did not ever had a conversation with her, and she blocked him on msn after learning of his identity, also her ex-friend convinced him that she hated him, soo there you have it, all laid out the reasons why he had 2nd thoughts about the whole thing. But Reddy, how much Albert owes you, not just for the tie, but this too, and he really appreciates it. Today he mustered up the courage to wish Shereena happy birthday, and would you know it, she didnt morph into a monster and gobble him up. She thanked him. Dont blame him, he was running thru all the worst case scenarios in his head already, just proud that he actually broke the cold, hard ice with her. She didnt hate him after all.
After much walking, he finally reached Asia cafe. Ate this English dish, disguised as a jamaican one, sold by a Pakistani dude, truly diverse alright. Then the walking back home part was quite candid. Yeah, when your're sitting down trying to finish your food, nothing interesting really happens. Soo he managed to interject a lil conversation with Sher in the midst of a wacky Reddy who was at her over-the-top delirius best. Shereena was friendly, until they teased each other. Reddy almost squeezed the muscles out of his arm when they crossed the road. But he didnt mind. Somehow Shereena wasnt in any rush to go to Mr. Nada's tuition, quite the contrary to Reddy, maybe Mr Nada is good looking to her, c'mon, hes only like 78 years old. She has a real problem rolling her "r"s Shereena, very cute when she tries to. She asked him what "ambiguos" meant, which he gladly obliged to explain to her, after all, its not always people ask you what a word means, most of the time they nod and pretend they know what it means. Very messy isnt it, not really going anywhere this post, literally random thoughts that pop into the mind. But read on.
Then came the juction where they had to part, then he had to follow Sean home to get his bag. Before he left tho, he had a lil heart to heart conversation with Sean, found out some pretty interesting stuff about him, Sean pobably found out some interesting stuff bout him too.
But lets keep that between Sean and Albert.
As he waits on tomorrow to come, maybe bringing with it more interesting conversation's with people he's hoping to continue speaking to, he would have to part with his dear reader now. Theres tonnes of things he should be doing, instead of aimlessly typing away at this blog. So there you have it, an important historical day in the pages of Albert Kamahlendra's life, for today, he finally, spoke to Shereena.
Gosh, today was fun. Reddy absolutely insisted he went to Asia Cafe, despite his protestations of having a board meeting, and not knowing where or what asia cafe was(yeah, got a lot of omg's from people when he told them that). But Reddy always had her way. Actually it was just going out on the occasion of Shereena's birthday that gave him 2nd thoughts about joining them. Believe it or not, it was close to 3 years of being classmates with her yet he did not ever had a conversation with her, and she blocked him on msn after learning of his identity, also her ex-friend convinced him that she hated him, soo there you have it, all laid out the reasons why he had 2nd thoughts about the whole thing. But Reddy, how much Albert owes you, not just for the tie, but this too, and he really appreciates it. Today he mustered up the courage to wish Shereena happy birthday, and would you know it, she didnt morph into a monster and gobble him up. She thanked him. Dont blame him, he was running thru all the worst case scenarios in his head already, just proud that he actually broke the cold, hard ice with her. She didnt hate him after all.
After much walking, he finally reached Asia cafe. Ate this English dish, disguised as a jamaican one, sold by a Pakistani dude, truly diverse alright. Then the walking back home part was quite candid. Yeah, when your're sitting down trying to finish your food, nothing interesting really happens. Soo he managed to interject a lil conversation with Sher in the midst of a wacky Reddy who was at her over-the-top delirius best. Shereena was friendly, until they teased each other. Reddy almost squeezed the muscles out of his arm when they crossed the road. But he didnt mind. Somehow Shereena wasnt in any rush to go to Mr. Nada's tuition, quite the contrary to Reddy, maybe Mr Nada is good looking to her, c'mon, hes only like 78 years old. She has a real problem rolling her "r"s Shereena, very cute when she tries to. She asked him what "ambiguos" meant, which he gladly obliged to explain to her, after all, its not always people ask you what a word means, most of the time they nod and pretend they know what it means. Very messy isnt it, not really going anywhere this post, literally random thoughts that pop into the mind. But read on.
Then came the juction where they had to part, then he had to follow Sean home to get his bag. Before he left tho, he had a lil heart to heart conversation with Sean, found out some pretty interesting stuff about him, Sean pobably found out some interesting stuff bout him too.
But lets keep that between Sean and Albert.
As he waits on tomorrow to come, maybe bringing with it more interesting conversation's with people he's hoping to continue speaking to, he would have to part with his dear reader now. Theres tonnes of things he should be doing, instead of aimlessly typing away at this blog. So there you have it, an important historical day in the pages of Albert Kamahlendra's life, for today, he finally, spoke to Shereena.
winds of change, fast, furious and swift indeed.
The week ended for Albert Kamahlendra, prefect of SMKss17. And boy, one helluva week it was for him. First, well, he was depressed. Nothing unusual tho, hes been pretty used to it, in fact hes gotten attached to being depressed, numerous problems plagued him, if u want to know. Everything from domestic ones to school related ones. And he lost his ring. Again.
But then, after the usual boring Tuesday, Wednesday brought with it some interesting drama. During a free period, the 2 anusha's were involved in an ungly altercation, needless to say, only one anusha had her reputation intact. Albert had certain comments to make on the matter, but I didnt think it was a good idea as it would jeapordize his reputation. It was a small matter really, all Anusha (there is a reason why the anusha is not specified)needed was a little more discretion on the matter, then there is the case of emotional instability, but it all boiled down to Pn Raha giving us a couple of "pengajaran", typical of her, besides, I think it was komsas that day. This was nothing compared to Thursday.
On Thursday, on his way to the bio lab, he was handed a secret admirer note by a girl in his prefectorial group. It was written on a piece of tissue paper. Obviously, it was a prank. There were 2 different handwrittings, there wasnt much attention to detail, and bloody hell, it was on a bloody tissue paper. (I was using an expletive, the tissue didnt hav blood on it) I was ready to give them a piece of my mind, but Albert didnt want to, chickened out I guess.
Still, this was still no match for Friday. He came early today, bout 5 mins earlier. Signed his name in as usual, then went to the canteen, engaged in small talk with Sam. And would you believe it, Kosheila was actually there!! She beckoned to him, he simply smiled in suprise, after all he thought she crawled in a hole and didnt come out again. He was wrong. Still staring at her as Samuel blabbered on, he waited patiently for some girl to leave Kosheila alone. But instead Kosheila hijacked Albert and took him for a lil stroll as they caught up on old matters. She was just as charming as ever, Albert stuttered in her presence, hoping she didnt notice. He wished he had more time with her as he heard the bell go, then they both knew they had to be somewhere else, almost without any parting words they went their separate ways, hes gonna regret that, I dont know when he'll see her again. He was smilling ear to ear from then on. Then he had a fantastic time during pj. Football drives his life. Then came recess.
More small talk with more people ended with Calvin. Then he rememberes he was supposed to break the ice(its an idiom, there wasnt any actual breaking of ice) with Manisya. He quickly goes in search of her, fearing he was too late. (ignore the false sense of a climax and keep reading) He caught up with Manisya. Musterred a weak "hey" as she turned and gave him a smile in return. At this point it could either turn awkwardly silent or she could give him a signal. The ball was in her court. She gestured to him and asked him if he wanted to "talk" after shooing her girlfriends off. Exactly what he was waiting for. "ahh, Manisya in the flesh," he started off, then it was easy, just a matter of keeping the ball rolling. He didnt stutter. Thank gawd. They talked bout everything exept the weather, then a familiar sense of dread came over him as Manisya announced that he should probably be in class, this time he did not make the mistake he made before. "same time tomorrow?" he probed "No im not coming." "Monday?"he continued "no, Im...."before she finished, " Tuesday?" he was not giving up, "yeah, ok" she gave in. Satisfaction. She once commented on msn asking if he was avoiding her, he definately wasnt now was he?
Now hes here, wondering what he did to deserve such good and drastic change of fortunes, and the best part is that the schooling week has not ended, theres still school on Saturday. And guess what, its according to Friday's schedule.
The week ended for Albert Kamahlendra, prefect of SMKss17. And boy, one helluva week it was for him. First, well, he was depressed. Nothing unusual tho, hes been pretty used to it, in fact hes gotten attached to being depressed, numerous problems plagued him, if u want to know. Everything from domestic ones to school related ones. And he lost his ring. Again.
But then, after the usual boring Tuesday, Wednesday brought with it some interesting drama. During a free period, the 2 anusha's were involved in an ungly altercation, needless to say, only one anusha had her reputation intact. Albert had certain comments to make on the matter, but I didnt think it was a good idea as it would jeapordize his reputation. It was a small matter really, all Anusha (there is a reason why the anusha is not specified)needed was a little more discretion on the matter, then there is the case of emotional instability, but it all boiled down to Pn Raha giving us a couple of "pengajaran", typical of her, besides, I think it was komsas that day. This was nothing compared to Thursday.
On Thursday, on his way to the bio lab, he was handed a secret admirer note by a girl in his prefectorial group. It was written on a piece of tissue paper. Obviously, it was a prank. There were 2 different handwrittings, there wasnt much attention to detail, and bloody hell, it was on a bloody tissue paper. (I was using an expletive, the tissue didnt hav blood on it) I was ready to give them a piece of my mind, but Albert didnt want to, chickened out I guess.
Still, this was still no match for Friday. He came early today, bout 5 mins earlier. Signed his name in as usual, then went to the canteen, engaged in small talk with Sam. And would you believe it, Kosheila was actually there!! She beckoned to him, he simply smiled in suprise, after all he thought she crawled in a hole and didnt come out again. He was wrong. Still staring at her as Samuel blabbered on, he waited patiently for some girl to leave Kosheila alone. But instead Kosheila hijacked Albert and took him for a lil stroll as they caught up on old matters. She was just as charming as ever, Albert stuttered in her presence, hoping she didnt notice. He wished he had more time with her as he heard the bell go, then they both knew they had to be somewhere else, almost without any parting words they went their separate ways, hes gonna regret that, I dont know when he'll see her again. He was smilling ear to ear from then on. Then he had a fantastic time during pj. Football drives his life. Then came recess.
More small talk with more people ended with Calvin. Then he rememberes he was supposed to break the ice(its an idiom, there wasnt any actual breaking of ice) with Manisya. He quickly goes in search of her, fearing he was too late. (ignore the false sense of a climax and keep reading) He caught up with Manisya. Musterred a weak "hey" as she turned and gave him a smile in return. At this point it could either turn awkwardly silent or she could give him a signal. The ball was in her court. She gestured to him and asked him if he wanted to "talk" after shooing her girlfriends off. Exactly what he was waiting for. "ahh, Manisya in the flesh," he started off, then it was easy, just a matter of keeping the ball rolling. He didnt stutter. Thank gawd. They talked bout everything exept the weather, then a familiar sense of dread came over him as Manisya announced that he should probably be in class, this time he did not make the mistake he made before. "same time tomorrow?" he probed "No im not coming." "Monday?"he continued "no, Im...."before she finished, " Tuesday?" he was not giving up, "yeah, ok" she gave in. Satisfaction. She once commented on msn asking if he was avoiding her, he definately wasnt now was he?
Now hes here, wondering what he did to deserve such good and drastic change of fortunes, and the best part is that the schooling week has not ended, theres still school on Saturday. And guess what, its according to Friday's schedule.
Wednesday, October 25, 2006
PILOT
This is the only blog in 3rd person. Period. There wont be any fancy pics here. Albert's nameless alter-ego will be doing the posting. You just enjoy the ride. This is here because the apparent success of the previous two blogs. Soo for a while now u'll be getting cut and paste work. This is in its infancy, so it will take a while for this to be a decent blog, in the meantime, the plain postings will just have to do. Thats all.
This is the only blog in 3rd person. Period. There wont be any fancy pics here. Albert's nameless alter-ego will be doing the posting. You just enjoy the ride. This is here because the apparent success of the previous two blogs. Soo for a while now u'll be getting cut and paste work. This is in its infancy, so it will take a while for this to be a decent blog, in the meantime, the plain postings will just have to do. Thats all.
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