The strange but no doubt notable exploits of Blazer Boy

Is it a bird? A plane? A bad superhero movie? A cybernetic time travelling organism fond of sequels and politics? No its Kumar! Oops, no. Wait, that looks like, eh, sure or not? Lets beat him up and temporarily kidnap him.......oh wait, black? Yeah, thats Albert. What? Not wearing his underwear on the outside?! Nawh, a blazer wearing superhero is absurd enough.

The great but no doubt strange exploits of Blazer Boy cannot go unnoticed people. He braved a fashion show during the school IU day(which was a PROFITABLE blast), even when he was a fashion disaster. "Gasp" !!

He has to fend off girls with horrible taste, and expressing it in tamil(the horror), or worse, in BM. "Saya cinta padamu!" Ya, dia cinta pada dia juga. This where the powers of cowardice comes in to truly test his hide and seek skills(our brave superhero is avoiding her).

Our superhero had loads of fun with his beloved sidekicks(sorry for the insult debate members), making other teams look like shit in debate. It was incredible fun. They beat out 61 other schools, including last year's champion. So its been totally worth while. Especially the skipping EST and English part. Wonder if she'll still let us skip........

Blazer Boy thanks you, Suhaib, Shereena, and Tess, for giving this period of his life temporary meaning. He did what he loved doing, with people who were worth doing it with, and together they kicked some fine ass all the way to the semi final.

So Blazer Boy has seen the climax of his life. His whole banal existance was worth while just for the last couple of months. From now on, its a long way down the from the peak of the graph. Blazer Boy had never, and could never, ever have seen this climax coming. Or imagine Tess as hot when she slaughters opponent after opponent. Or Suhaib putting up a flawless performance. Or Sher in a prefect uniform.

Blazer Boy's crazy exploits will come to an end now. That blazer will represent one less thing in his life. No more intellect/crime -fighting exploits. So tomorrow, he's back to his secret but no doubt lame identity, he'll put on his blazer, hold his head up (in spite of his dignity destroying, soul-sapping wild hair) and keep his eye on his Rajesh-trackker(insert fancy GPS techie jargon here).

But one thing, just like it started, and ending the same way too, hasnt and never will change throughout our friendly, over-tanned superhero's exploits...........






































































- She still looks hot in a prefect uniform-

Cure for depression=Beating a private school and almost getting drunk




Losing puts things into perspective. It does. Its amazing how you twist the reality to accept a bummer in life. We totally lost on purpose. We gave it to them. Yeah.
Well, here Albert must thank his fellow debaters, for beating Sri Sedaya. At least they still have Taylors. They are now one step closer to winning it. It was so wonderfully efficient. Albert had the script down to perfection. He pre-empted what the opposition would come up with, and cleverly put it as the last point of their own script, so with all the immaculate timing, just when the opposition thought they had got them with the "uniform within a uniform" thing, Tess banged them back with meritocracy. Albert loves big words. Shereena was super fluent, and as much as Shereena wont admit it, Albert came up with a couple of good last-minute-rebuttals that she used both in her 2nd speaker speech, AND her reply speech.
He also like to thank another girl, and maybe apologise to certain extent to her, because sometimes, its easy to get blindsided when he has a pretty thing in a short skirt, soo much so that he forgets the real friends. The past week has been a real reality check.
Bottomline, SS17 beat Sri Sedaya. Cheers for free education!!
He's sure you're all sick of debating. So we move on to Wai Chun's b-day party( do you have any idea how scary it is walking in 17 at night, especially since a girl got raped near esso not too long ago).
Well, for the benefit of all who didn't make it, Albert shall try to describe the atmosphere to you. It was very Chinese. Only Evan and Albert were non-chinese( and considering the amount of self-depreciating racist Indian jokes Evan rattles off, he might as well be chinese). Owh yeah, Pn Chua was there.
But she was nice, as sporting as a woman of her graceful age would be. There was this semi-truck/stall called Fatman(the chinese are very frank people) Steamboat. There was pasta. And there was also an ice cream box. And, the main draw, alcohol.
There was a lot of fuss about the alcohol, everyone was so obsessed with getting drunk. The top 3 drinkers would have to be Boon Han, Christina, and Wai Chun. For Boon Han, Mrs Tuen(bartender of the day) had a special concoction they called AK-47. Safe to say, Boon survived.
Albert himself had a full shot of Tequila, but the drink didn't live up to the hype. Remember the margarita he shared with Manishya? That had more oomph in it. Of course, that could have been entirely been because of Manishya.
But Albert has to say, the only drawback was that Albert didn't get drunk, nor did anyone else(Boon could've been, but no one would be able to tell the difference).
To celebrate getting over his depression, Albert is gonna down a whole bottle of this strange, black coloured, drink. It doesn't burn your tongue, but it stings it, and on its way down your throat, it gives your this grating sensation, subtle and wholly pleasurable. Then the effects of this burp-inducing concoction of liquid and gasses with a high sugar content will be the only thing he can get high on.
Coke.

Everybody hates Tuesdays

Has it been mentioned that irony has a strange way of screwing Albert from behind? Yes, if you do remember, it has been mentioned. Tuesday was a classic case of cruel irony.
For starters, it all happened in Catholic High, the school he was only whiskers away from being transfered to. Owh, the setting was "perfect".
He put his all into this one, more effort than he had ever put into anything. They won the coin toss this time. Maybe they shouldnt have, but they did, and they lost, cruel irony number 1.
In the quarantine period, Shereena asked him what was "globalization"? The topic by the way, was "globalization contributes to the development of third world countries". And she didnt know what was globalization, when her scripts were done for her(guess who), and the rationale was for her to be able to have more time to do research. What is globalization. Cruel irony number 2.
When it was Albert's turn to speak(he was third speaker), everyone expected the same old boring guy who nobody could understand because he used to many big words and had no X factor. Instead, the Albert that day was on the complete opposite end of the spectrum. With an almost "I dont give a shit" attitude(well when you're in a sinking boat, hungry, pissed, flustered, dissapointed and insanely nervous, you flip), he became quite possibly the most "unobedient" as Tess puts it, debater who ever competed in Wira cup. One of the teacher's said that he was too "revolutionary" for the Wira Cup. Reality check over here-->He was crude, disrespectful(also known as witty), arrogant(or pompous as the third speaker from the opposing team puts it) and had absolute disregard for the rules. Well the crowd no doubt sounded their appreciation, one particular teacher laughed like she was watching an Adam Sandler movie. Adam Sandler movies are dumb. So whether the crowd was laughing with him or at him is quite open to debate.
Facial expressions-check. Non-reading from cue cards-check. Moving a little as he was advised to do after his debut the last time round-check(maybe a little over done). He remembered shouting towards the ending of his speech, as he was told to be more forceful-check(whether you can be funny and forceful is doubtful). And yet, even with his improved performance(depends on your definition of improved), they lost. Cruel irony no 3-check.
He is still debating you know. Time has already run out. But he wanted to win, BADLY. The timekeeper isnt happy. The chairperson is yelling "excuse me!!". The SU chief adjudicator looks more than ever determined to condemn SS17 to their fate(she probably thought that SU should have been there instead of SS17). But Albert cant get it out of his system. He needs to rebutt their points. Thats what he is supposed to do. If anything at all, he is suppose to save the day. Even if time's up. The crowd are still having a good time, he is very funny they think.

Its over.

But hey, at least he wasnt boring.

Crunch Time

Well, they won. Albert made his debate debut, in the Taylors debate, as 1st speaker, against St. Mary's, and they won. But it really isnt as glamourous as it may sound, the St Mary debaters were 1st timers, and they were disadvantaged trying to prove the Internet negative. But all certainly wasnt well.
The other 2 debaters told him quite frankly that he was not good enough, and persisted on it so much and were trying to come up with numerous solutions to this, even suggesting he should cut his hair. Suhaib even wanted to sponser the haircut. Thats when Albert started to ask himself questions.
Shereena compared the situation to that of a composer and a singer. The composer does all the work, makes the song work, and works with the lyrics too, but at the end of it the person with the better vocal chords get all the credit. You figure out who's who in the bloody anology.
It was hard doing anything for them after she said that. But 10 hours of reseach and writing later, here he was again, their speeches all nice and tidy, all 2000 words of it. You know what, Albert doesnt care. He'd like to go on and on about commitment, and responsibility, and all that other bullshit. But no. He simply wants to feel important. Sad yes, but thats the truth. Of course Albert wont tell you that, he'll complain that the others cant do it because of "splitting headaches", or limited intellects or whatever. But the freak secretly enjoys all this.
He enjoys their blurness when the debate teacher asks them "what have you done?". When they pass him nervous glances and almost magically, scripts are produced, research done, and Albert assures the teacher that there was ample "discussion", and all everyone needed to do was memorize the stuff. Doesnt matter how close to the actual truth this all is, its just very ego-stroking when Albert thinks that the entire debate team would go straight to hell without him. He needs his motivation. Its like how the neantherthal male get a testosterone kick when they bring home the bacon, or is the sole breadwinner(have you noticed how many fancy terms are attributed to this form of male ego stroking?), its the same thing. Of course, he wont tell you this, he'll just bullshit about responsibility and stuff.
He'll have to repeat this again for the district semi-finals for wira cup. If he doesnt do well, his team will lose the chance to compete in the district final. And his school has never gone past the semifinals of district, hence there is sort of a pressure to go one further. Albert screws up again, SS17 dont get into district final, and he'll be an easy scapegoat. More motivation.
Wish him luck for the semi-final. He needs it. For now he has to go. To write their speeches.

Unforeseen and somewhat far-fetched consequences

Albert 2006: Normal boring prefect.
Albert 2007: Normal boring prefect + English debating zone champion + lead actor, scriptwriter, co-director of English Drama + Vocalist of a band( pending 2 upcoming gigs).
How? Albert has no idea. No idea at all. Debating all started with a simple favor from a friend( he did not even merit his place), and now, he finds his comrades and himself zone champions and currently 2 rounds away from being district champions. Albert has never debated before in his life. But how?
It all also started as a simple favor that Albert offered to help Sean write a script for drama. Thats all. And now with the competition 3 weeks away, he finds himself playing the lead, and co-directing.
It also started as a blog posting(B.E.A.T.S.). He did mention it to his friends rather casually once when they were on an outing, but they laughed at him. And now Timothy, Boon, Evan and Albert will be performing for IU day and quite possibly for the prefect's dinner. But Albert cant sing, so ho- dont ask.
It all started on Tuesday. Last Tuesday. They we're in the final of the Wira cup( zone), and after watching Amar single-handedly tear Seafield apart, you could say they we're abit nervy. But Albert has never seen Shereena( her attire needs no introduction by now) so determined before in their short acquaintance, but she wanted to win badly. Albert prayed Tess didnt read from her cue cards. Suhaib also had to steer clear of silly grammatical mistakes. And EVEN with chief adjudicators who dont know how to ****** flip a coin, and getting the lousier side (the whole topic was lousy anyway), they managed to pull it off. How? Well Amar didnt take part in the final. Why? Thats still a bloody mystery if you ask Albert.
On Wednesday, Albert met his idol, his role model. Mr Sean, his bible knowledge teacher. From the moment Mr, erm, Sean insisted that he was referred to simply as Sean, you knew you were gonna have a good feeling about this dude. This dude, he's about 27, and he took SPM in 2000. And he got the highest in English, no not in his school, not in his state, but in the whole freaking country. You could worship the ground he walks on. He also led his debate team to the State championship. He is currently a producer at 8tv, his credits include Malaysian Idol and One In A Million. He has also brushed shoulders with big name local artistes and the reality show contestants. Just how cool can a person get? And you know what, he is also an aspiring writer, just like yours truly. He also wants to see Albert's work. Fame and fortune beckons from the horizon.
And as for the gigs, well, they needed performances for both IU day and the prefect dinner, and because the band was already there, and they were simply short of a vocalist, Albert sort of offered his services. This was his idea from the beginning to the end. So yeah, he screwed himself over for this one. Its strange though, how a blog posting with a somewhat far-fetched ambition managed to translate into reality. To what extent it actually translates into reality remains nothing more than a fanciful notion( or a blog posting if you will). Just a couple of gigs? Or maybe they could go platinum in album sales. All this without any singing lessons whatsoever.
Then, he ran into some girl problems. CIG(cute Indian girl) A saw something about Albert that she wasnt supposed to see, which she told CIG B which she probably shouldnt have told, and CIG B blew it out of proportion and accused Albert of doing something which he did not do. Albert then explained that what he had indirectly done had inadvertently involved CIG A who did not do what CIG B thought she had done which she just assumed was Albert's fault when it really wasnt. Yup, girl problems are problems wrapped in a paradox encased in an enigma and deserve their place right up there with the great questions of life.
And so here he is. He has to make the drama happen. Pull his team to the district final. And sing. May God be with him.

That Machiavelli's the way to go!

Your're probably wondering if there is any correlation whatsoever between the title and the ensuing content, but if History was never your thing, your probably wondering who the heck Machiavelli is too. Niccolo Machivelli was a renaissance figure whose most famous piece of literary work is the book The Prince, where he expounded on his 2 philosophies which were basically the ends justify the means and its better to be feared than to be loved. Still wondering how it relates to today's post? Well I dont see you complaining about Panic! At the disco and Iwritesinsnottragedies so just ignore the seemingly unrelated title and read on.

Well since Monday was pretty much negligible, we shall start on Tuesday. It was the beginning of Albert, Shereena, Tess and Suhaib's participation in the Wira Cup. The debate competition. Shereena was in a prefect uniform, blazer and all, and boy, she looked hot in the short and tight skirt and small blouse. Its like how a nurse's uniform becomes all sexy in a male fantasy when in fact it really isnt, thats how she transformed the school prefect uniform into something Pn Rohaidah and Pn Chong certainly did not appreciate(what?! He drained his brain with intense intellectual activity prior to the big debate alright, he needs to destress, even if it means indulging in typical male Neanderthal ogling).

They had prepared for 2 topics for 2 rounds, but it seemed that only Albert and Suhaib actually believed that they would make it that far. Their 1st opponent was from USJ 8. They wernt that good. With a couple of people from Albert's class watching, they simply disposed of their opponents. They pretty much did the same to USJ 13. Save for Tessrina's slightly comical presentation, they were pretty solid. Well, they in this context, excludes Albert. He didnt speak. He was reserve you see. And he doesnt really mind it. Really. Except for the fact that people never wish him luck, or congratulate him when his team wins. But you know, its all worth it when before the quarantine period, they call for the team leaders to pick a side(as in affirmative or negative) with a coin toss. And when they asked his team who was their leader, in one unanimous breath, they went : "Albert!" Yeah, this is when its all worth it. Its quite a quantum leap, from having absolutely no experience whatsoever in debating, and being on the team just because of a favour instead of meriting his place, to being Team Leader. But no sweat, he will have to do some talking when they take part in the Taylors Debate. After Pn Loges' sincerest congrats, she cautioned Shereena that she will have to change her skirt come the next round. To which Sher nodded almost convincingly. Almost. When Sher was sure that Pn Loges was well out of earshot, she dismissed it saying: "X'x xxx xxx xxxxxx xx xxxxx!"

Wednesday. February 14. Valentines day. Well, here we should all salute Amritha who took on the role of Cupid and busted whatever was left of her miniature derriere over the whole Interact-flower-selling charade. So did a couple of other board members. Albert was tasked with the relatively simple job of picking up muffins. Well school was on as usual, with many interruptions with people bearing gifts only for those who were desirable enough to be showered with Valentines stuff. Like Mee Pei and Shereena. While the rest of the world with not-so-nicely-arranged facial bones could only look. Its a tough world out there. Of course, Manishya, even if she was in college now, still was the most impressive of them all. The things guys would do for her. Its no wonder some people want to rearrage their facial bones(incidentally, Manishya is aiming to be a plastic surgeon).

Thursday. Taylors debate workshop. Before they left for Taylors, Pn Loges again reminded Sher to find another skirt. To which, Sher in all her impeccable timing, ejaculated: "X'x xxx xxx xxxxxx xx xxxxx!" Of course, outside Pn Loges' earshot. Its so nice to use ejaculate like this. The workshop was quite enlightening, if yours truly may do away with the euphemisms. It was basically a debating for dummies kinda thing. Just a reminder of all the stuff you usually take for granted. Picked up on some interesting tactics too. He saw a guy in a kilt debate. He also met Trishantinee(read seniors party) there. She didnt like him. Also met Jasmine, the sister of an old church friend. Sara too, from tuition. And he actually thought had no social life. Compared to Shereena, who only seemed to know Carishma, and Suhaib, who didnt know anyone, and Tess, who only knew Rajan's brother there, he would like to think that his network of friends were just a tad more intellectual than his fellow debaters. Of course, later he found out, that some seriously unpleasant shit happened in school. Big-mouth Boon had to go all rhetorical and ask Pn Saro M( who was in a sociable mood during Sej): "Teacher, do you know who Albert likes?" Yes Boon, Albert likes you. And he likes to kick your tight little ass for asking rhetorical questions about his social life. To which Pn Saro claimed to be all-knowing. Apparantly( this time its purposely mispelled), she reads friendster profiles, which give her access to the social circle of her students. Which may mean that she reads Albert's blogs. She could be reading it at this very moment. Well, Pn Saro, if you are reading this, you need to know that Albert has absolutely no romantic interests whatsoever with your daughter, they are just friends( not like he has a chance anyway).

Friday was Merentas Desa. Well, good to know that Albert went through that hell for the last time. After which, he went home and prepared for tuition. Like a bloody idiot. When he did get there, he was informed that tuition was postponed because everybody else wanted to go watch a movie. Awww...... They could do that every Friday if they wanted to, but at least give Albert a heads up. Is that soo effing hard? Anyway, he killed 2 hours by figuring out the arguments for the topic for the final in which SS17 will go against the winners of the SU-Seafield debate. The topic is " Modern inventions have stifled man's resourceful nature". Super lame topic. But, they cant do much about it, just have to make do with what they've got. Either way Albert can smell victory baby! 2 years being runners up, its gonna be third time lucky for SMKSS17 if anything at all. Especially since he's in the team. After that, he had a nice little chat with Manishya who helped him kill another hour before heading for Mr Suresh's tuition. Its probably good to know that he didnt get temporarily kidnapped because he looked like a criminal this time.

Well thats it. Well, you probably want to know what exactly Shereena said, since it was all X-ed out. Whether or not you want him to connect it to a renaissance figure or not he doesnt know, but he'll try.

Lets just say that Shereena's 2 philosophies are, the ends justify the seams of her skirt which arent equilaterally distanced BELOW her knee, whereby as long as they kick ass in debate, she can dress as she likes. And also, its better to be envied than to be loved. Very typical her. Here's proof, her exact words which were X-ed out:

" Im soo not changing my skirt!"

And thank God for that.

Albert@Kumar



You know, have you ever wondered, with all those exciting things happening around you, like that Parade robbery( where is Albert when all these cool things happen), why it doesnt happen to( or around) you? Well, logically it should right? There are enough of it to go around you know, like kidnappings, being held at gun point, being arrested for looking like a criminal, you know, stuff like that. Well, all of it happened to Albert in one day.

The following may not be even remotely believable, but you believe this alternate-blog-personality, and you mark these pixelated words, you soo arent being fooled around with. Hold your breath people, and start scrolling.

Well, on Friday, after Betty's Physics tuition, Albert was walking to Mr Suresh's place near Sri KL. Now, what happened next was in a residential area. As he was walking, he didnt take particular notice of this sporty, modified, blue wira. But had to look eventually, when an Indian dude with a post-Thaipusam head(bold) came out of the car and gestured to him in Tamil. Another case of a misdirected brother from another mother wanting some directions in Tamil thought Albert as he sauntered up to him already thinking how to look really dumb when that Indian dude eventually asked Albert for directions. He spoke gibberish as he showed Albert a namecard with his finger loosely encircling an address below a printed name. Albert had long perfected what he did next, he just shook his head and just went "taktau" and hoped the brother from another mother would take the hint and not bug him some more in Tamil. But no. The Indian dude took a good look at Albert, and with conviction in his eyes, the Indian dude made a decision.

Barely moments later, Albert had his shirt forcefully tugged by this Indian dude over to the passenger seat of his blue wira. Albert's legs betrayed him as he followed the man over to the other side in bewilderment. The man was tense and slightly nervous as his eyes glanced the street and spoke to Albert in a hoarse whisper: " Get in the car, now!"

The car door was already open by now, and the man was even more tense and hurried. He repeated his words, but in a more threatening manner, and still Albert refused, hoping he could buy time untill someone doing their daily jogging would just by chance come by, but strangely, no one came. But with every passing second, the Indian man could not risk being seen, and with a resolute threat, he looked dead in Albert's eyes, slipped his hands behind his back, and announced that he had a gun.

Bullshit, Albert thought. He was sure he did not see a gun when the man had his back to him moments ago. Then again, he couldnt be sure. Strangely, Albert actually had time to think. There was no adrenaline pumping through his veins, his abdomen did not contract, he did not hyperventilate, all the tell-tale signs of fear. The man sensed this, that man also realised that he was shorter that Albert, and smaller in build, and all he could threaten Albert with was a hypothetical firearm. Albert considered hitting the man and making a run for it. Unfortunately, the man thought of it first.

With a swift movement of his hand, Albert's head throbbed, and he realised that he was on the receiving end. He moved backwards, and ended up in the car seat, and barely heard the car door slam admist the throbbing of his head. The man was already on his right, started the car, and the world started to move backwards from the windscreen. All this happened in barely a minute.

"Who are you?"

" Albert. Im a student. Im 17"

" Where do you live?"

" Sunway."

" Just tell me the truth."

"Wha-"

"Dont lie!"

" Im not! Look, my IC!"

He passed it to him, and thanked his lucky stars that he brought it today. The man took his eyes from the road for a couple of moments, and looked at Albert's chubby face embeded in the IC next to his particulars. He face hardened and looked at the road again. Disbelievingly, he took a second look, and passed it back to Albert. He hid his embarassment and disbelief very well, and took on a matter-of-factly tone.

" I am sorry. Im a policeman. Im looking for Kumar. He looks like you, you know. Exactly like you."

"-huh"

" He stole money from KDU, and Im looking for him. Thats why I-"

" You hit me-"

" Yalah, I asked you to get in the car, you also didnt get in, I got frustrated la!"

They both were in disbelief. It was a tad awkward.

" Im sorry, but you look like him.

He made eye contact again, maybe just to be sure.

" Exactly like him"

"Then the name card?"

" I needed a closer look at you."

He pulled over a couple meters from where he thought he caught "Kumar".

" This is where you where right? Im sorry-"

" Yeah, its ok."

Albert closed the door. It sounded familiar. As the car drove away, Albert made a mental note of the license plate number.

He was slightly annoyed that he was going to be a little late for Mr Suresh's class, but as he quickened his footsteps, he consoled himself-

" This is soo going into my blog!"