Cold Feet
Its been 61 days. Thats quite a while isn't it. Its a record actually. And what is Albert's excuse? He was studying for SPM. Somebody should really learn to get his priorities straight.
But all is right again in his world, after finishing SPM, getting through his SAT's(he now knows what space-time is all about!! + Evolution- we came from bacteria all right) and then the more mundane stuff like chinese and bible knowledge.
But now, the sweet taste or freedom, uh, tastes really good. As you can see, it takes a while to get the juices flowing. Nevertheless, he feels the compulsive need to tell you everything that is and will be happening in his life. The biggest of which is the US thing. Albert found out that he is headed to the upper midwest, thats just below Canada, North and South Dakota, Iowa and the like.
Cool. REALLY COOL. Like -14c to -30c cool. Well Albert always wanted to see snow. Make a snowball, throw it at people, run like hell, and the sort. Just that the prospect of being an Indian popcicle is rather daunting. But no worries, he's in it for the experiance alright, good or bad (or *&^%-ing cold).
He's leaving on the 9th of January, which leaves him with little over a month left in the country. It does suck to be leaving school forever, but it sucks even more leaving everybody else. When he comes back, will anyone even remember him?
Hey! Alvin right? No wait, its Adrian. Oh wait dont tell me, Alex!
Sigh.
But hey, when oppurtunity comes knocking, one has to open the door and leave. But he still has a month, one last month to eat everything that he cant get there, to see everyone that he wont be seeing, do all those things that he wouldnt be able to do there. On the flip side, he'll be getting $125 USD a month of pocket money. Its not ALL about the money, but it is a small token of appreciation for Albert's efforts at fostering world peace. Or something like that. Plus theres gonna be cable TV. American cable TV kicks Astro's ass. Yeah, karma rocks!
In the mean time however, he will be attending a Christian Youth Camp for another shot at enlightenment, after which he will have visa interviews and meetings with the US Ambassador among other trivial unimportant things. Like shopping for winter clothing.
Tuesday, December 04, 2007
Thursday, October 11, 2007
He hates uniforms
Intro: In a fictional school somewhere, the prefects rule with an iron fist. The over-efficiency of the prefects has lead to near perfect discipline on school grounds, until one day……
Scene 1 (Students going through a routine spotcheck line with a high ranking prefect and his subordinates)
GL: Sir, I cant believe it. I think you should see this yourself. (cue James Bond theme song)
A: Rebels. GL, tell me, what does the Article 18.1.5 of the Buku Panduan Pelajar say?
GL: Pengawas dilantik supaya mereka dapat berkhidmat untuk sekolah dan Negara masing-masing.
A: Then you all know what we have to do. (Prefects nod head in unison)
Scene 2
GL: Stop! Hands up! Drop it! Let me see your hands in the air! Hands in the air! Drop it!
T: Its just a schoolbag.
GL: Article 13.21- perintah pengawas mesti dipatuhi. Before you break anymore school rules, just do as I tell you!
S2: School rules? We don’t care about school rules. No one cares about them.
GL: That’s why we’re here. To enforce school rules. (students laugh in unison)
A:Your flagrant disregard of the school rules disgust me. You’re an embarrassment to our species. Look at this!(refers to a short skirt)
GL: Article 2.2- Pelajar-pelajar hendaklah memakai pinafore tidak lebih daripade 2 inci atas lutut. (measures) 2.5(FIVE!) inches. (prefects shake head in unison)
A: And look at this! ( refers to low pants)
GL: Article 1.4- Seluar pelajar tidak boleh berfasyen. (measures) 5 inches from the waist. (prefects shake head in unison)
A: Look at this! ( refers to untucked shirt)
GL: Article 1.6- Baju mesti dikancing dengan dengan kemas dan tidak boleh dipakai di luar.(measures) Every inch of his shirt isn’t tucked in. (prefects shake head in unison)
A:Look at this!(refers to black shoes)
GL: Article 4.2- Kasut getah yang lain daripada warna putih tidak dibenarkan sama sekali.. Sir, these shoes look as dark as you! (prefects shake head in unison)
A:Look at this!
GL: Article 9.8- Rambut pelajar tidak dibenarkan menggunakan “gel”.
S3: Its water-lah!
GL: Same! (prefects shake head in unison)
S4: But why should we listen to you? You’re just a prefect. (rebels join in noisily)
T: So what if she wants to show off her legs? So what if he wants to show off his boxers? So what if I want to wear my shirt outside? So what if her shoes are as dark as your face? So what if he wants to put chemicals on his hair?
S3: Its water-lah!
T:So what if we want to do whatever we want to do? Freedom of expression! Free will! Right! (rebels chime in)
T: We’re born with freewill, so what makes you think that you can take it away from us? (rebels chime in again, surrounding prefects) (cue mission impossible) …
GL: Hey look! Its Pn Rohaidahana! (rebels look back, and quickly line up) (apologetic, heads hung low, and frantically adjust their clothes)
T: Hey! What happened to freewill?(rebels proceed through the spotcheck line)
T is handcuffed and taken away to be electrocuted into submission in the all new underground Bilik Disiplin(well they aren't just building toilets you know)
Moral of the story: The moment you step into school, you trade your soul for that uniform you’re wearing. So the least you can do is wear it right. Don’t go against the school rules, you’ll never win. Ever.
S3: But its water-lah. Seriously.
Intro: In a fictional school somewhere, the prefects rule with an iron fist. The over-efficiency of the prefects has lead to near perfect discipline on school grounds, until one day……
Scene 1 (Students going through a routine spotcheck line with a high ranking prefect and his subordinates)
GL: Sir, I cant believe it. I think you should see this yourself. (cue James Bond theme song)
A: Rebels. GL, tell me, what does the Article 18.1.5 of the Buku Panduan Pelajar say?
GL: Pengawas dilantik supaya mereka dapat berkhidmat untuk sekolah dan Negara masing-masing.
A: Then you all know what we have to do. (Prefects nod head in unison)
Scene 2
GL: Stop! Hands up! Drop it! Let me see your hands in the air! Hands in the air! Drop it!
T: Its just a schoolbag.
GL: Article 13.21- perintah pengawas mesti dipatuhi. Before you break anymore school rules, just do as I tell you!
S2: School rules? We don’t care about school rules. No one cares about them.
GL: That’s why we’re here. To enforce school rules. (students laugh in unison)
A:Your flagrant disregard of the school rules disgust me. You’re an embarrassment to our species. Look at this!(refers to a short skirt)
GL: Article 2.2- Pelajar-pelajar hendaklah memakai pinafore tidak lebih daripade 2 inci atas lutut. (measures) 2.5(FIVE!) inches. (prefects shake head in unison)
A: And look at this! ( refers to low pants)
GL: Article 1.4- Seluar pelajar tidak boleh berfasyen. (measures) 5 inches from the waist. (prefects shake head in unison)
A: Look at this! ( refers to untucked shirt)
GL: Article 1.6- Baju mesti dikancing dengan dengan kemas dan tidak boleh dipakai di luar.(measures) Every inch of his shirt isn’t tucked in. (prefects shake head in unison)
A:Look at this!(refers to black shoes)
GL: Article 4.2- Kasut getah yang lain daripada warna putih tidak dibenarkan sama sekali.. Sir, these shoes look as dark as you! (prefects shake head in unison)
A:Look at this!
GL: Article 9.8- Rambut pelajar tidak dibenarkan menggunakan “gel”.
S3: Its water-lah!
GL: Same! (prefects shake head in unison)
S4: But why should we listen to you? You’re just a prefect. (rebels join in noisily)
T: So what if she wants to show off her legs? So what if he wants to show off his boxers? So what if I want to wear my shirt outside? So what if her shoes are as dark as your face? So what if he wants to put chemicals on his hair?
S3: Its water-lah!
T:So what if we want to do whatever we want to do? Freedom of expression! Free will! Right! (rebels chime in)
T: We’re born with freewill, so what makes you think that you can take it away from us? (rebels chime in again, surrounding prefects) (cue mission impossible) …
GL: Hey look! Its Pn Rohaidahana! (rebels look back, and quickly line up) (apologetic, heads hung low, and frantically adjust their clothes)
T: Hey! What happened to freewill?(rebels proceed through the spotcheck line)
T is handcuffed and taken away to be electrocuted into submission in the all new underground Bilik Disiplin(well they aren't just building toilets you know)
Moral of the story: The moment you step into school, you trade your soul for that uniform you’re wearing. So the least you can do is wear it right. Don’t go against the school rules, you’ll never win. Ever.
S3: But its water-lah. Seriously.
Saturday, September 22, 2007
Uh oh. Somebody's an activist.
They never said anything. Not even in the fine print. Here he was, thinking, "I'll never get it, what are the odds anyway?"(1 in 20 actually). And so he sent in his application. Then he made it to the interview, and then he thought, " Ah, everyone gets into the interview, this is where he'll get officially rejected." Surprise, surprise, he made it to the national selection. Alright, he had a good run. Maybe it was some management screw-up. Either way, who in their right mind would give HIM a scholarship? Few weeks later, he gets the call. Albert is one of the 30 people in the whole of Malaysia selected for a fully sponsored exchange program to the United States.
You have got to be kidding. People dying to get into the program didn't get it and this guy who was half-assed about it all the while finds this whole thing falling in his lap. How do things like this happen to him?
"The Youth Exchange and Study Program(YES)is an innovative high school student exchange program funded by the US Department of State's Bureau of Educational and Cultural Affairs( sounds suspiciously like one of those fictional shady secret organizations under the CIA). This public diplomacy initiative, authorized by Congress in the aftermath of September 11, builds bridges of international understanding, especially between Americans and the people in countries with significant Muslim populations."
Odd as it may seem, the US government wants to sponsor Albert to help in promoting international understanding between Malaysia and the US. As Albert reads through the YES program leaflet(yeah,only now he wants to know what he's getting into) he realises that these people who get selected are often referred to as "young ambassadors" or " community activists" and the scariest of which " a bunch of kids who can accomplish more in a very small amount of time than a country can achieve in decades-World Peace"
Oh shit.
Albert can't do world peace! A young ambassador?! An ACTIVIST?!!
This is all crazy, in a couple of months time SPM will be over, and before he can start burning his books he'll be whisked away halfway round the world to to live with a couple of strangers for six months. And after being ogled at for 6 months he'll have his ass hauled back to Malaysia and be re-screwed by the culture shock. And since NS will take up 3 months of the remaining 6 that he will have next year, there is nothing else productive to do other than to go to Form 6.
All this in the good name of world peace.
It has happened then. His destiny is fulfilled, Albert is now, an, act...act...acti....activist.
P...Pea..Peace.
They never said anything. Not even in the fine print. Here he was, thinking, "I'll never get it, what are the odds anyway?"(1 in 20 actually). And so he sent in his application. Then he made it to the interview, and then he thought, " Ah, everyone gets into the interview, this is where he'll get officially rejected." Surprise, surprise, he made it to the national selection. Alright, he had a good run. Maybe it was some management screw-up. Either way, who in their right mind would give HIM a scholarship? Few weeks later, he gets the call. Albert is one of the 30 people in the whole of Malaysia selected for a fully sponsored exchange program to the United States.
You have got to be kidding. People dying to get into the program didn't get it and this guy who was half-assed about it all the while finds this whole thing falling in his lap. How do things like this happen to him?
"The Youth Exchange and Study Program(YES)is an innovative high school student exchange program funded by the US Department of State's Bureau of Educational and Cultural Affairs( sounds suspiciously like one of those fictional shady secret organizations under the CIA). This public diplomacy initiative, authorized by Congress in the aftermath of September 11, builds bridges of international understanding, especially between Americans and the people in countries with significant Muslim populations."
Odd as it may seem, the US government wants to sponsor Albert to help in promoting international understanding between Malaysia and the US. As Albert reads through the YES program leaflet(yeah,only now he wants to know what he's getting into) he realises that these people who get selected are often referred to as "young ambassadors" or " community activists" and the scariest of which " a bunch of kids who can accomplish more in a very small amount of time than a country can achieve in decades-World Peace"
Oh shit.
Albert can't do world peace! A young ambassador?! An ACTIVIST?!!
This is all crazy, in a couple of months time SPM will be over, and before he can start burning his books he'll be whisked away halfway round the world to to live with a couple of strangers for six months. And after being ogled at for 6 months he'll have his ass hauled back to Malaysia and be re-screwed by the culture shock. And since NS will take up 3 months of the remaining 6 that he will have next year, there is nothing else productive to do other than to go to Form 6.
All this in the good name of world peace.
It has happened then. His destiny is fulfilled, Albert is now, an, act...act...acti....activist.
P...Pea..Peace.
Friday, September 07, 2007
September 9, 2006-2007
Anyone who's tried will tell you it wasn't easy. Motivation may get you started, but even habit sometimes wont keep you going. He never really expected it to turn out like this. One year, 3 blogs, and 36 posts later here we are, the first year anniversary of Albert's blogs.
One whole year.
One whole year of detailed documentation of Albert in a witty 3rd person perspective. Nothing more other than Albert, more Albert and more Albert. And you actually read it. You are either extremely bored most of the time or you really, really have no life. Either way thanks, it was terribly nice of you. You did a wonderful job of making Albert feel important. And noticed too, just Google "kamahlendra".
http://www.google.com.my/search?q=kamahlendra&hl=en&filter=0
You guys really are awesome. You stuck with him through all those moments of his life. The times when he was at a lost for words-
'As he was playing with his handphone, he glimpsed a pair of gorgeous legs sprouting from 3 inch heels, he looked up to see the owner of those legs. He didn't deserve the sight, but there it was, in all her glory, fitted into a tight, tiny black, glittery dress. She flashed him a smile, he looked on stupefied. Time grounded to a halt, his heart skipped a beat(maybe more), white noise filled his brain, it was as though the very spirit of every male that ever acknowledged the highest form aesthetic beauty that is the female culminated in this very moment, this blip in the fabric of time through all eternity. With such a burden on Albert's back to express this into a sentence that includes adjectives and superlatives that was due to the Godsent creature in front him, what does he say?
"I..I...you..you...look....WHOA!!!" '
Or those times when he was being a guy-
'in a prefect uniform, blazer and all, and boy, she looked hot in the short and tight skirt and small blouse. Its like how a nurse's uniform becomes all sexy in a male fantasy when in fact it really isn't, thats how she transformed the school prefect uniform into something Pn Rohaidah and Pn Chong certainly did not appreciate'
Or the times when people reacted rationally when they confused his identity with someone else-
'Barely moments later, Albert had his shirt forcefully tugged by this Indian dude over to the passenger seat of his blue wira. Albert's legs betrayed him as he followed the man over to the other side in bewilderment. The man was tense and slightly nervous as his eyes glanced the street and spoke to Albert in a hoarse whisper: " Get in the car, now!"
The car door was already open by now, and the man was even more tense and hurried. He repeated his words, but in a more threatening manner, and still Albert refused, hoping he could buy time until someone doing their daily jogging would just by chance come by, but strangely, no one came. But with every passing second, the Indian man could not risk being seen, and with a resolute threat, he looked dead in Albert's eyes, slipped his hands behind his back, and announced that he had a gun.' -ah,the wonderful people of the world.
The times he did things he wished he didn't-
'“Truth or Dare?” she asked. He picked dare, cause he would have lied his way out of Truth anyway. She thought for a while, but it was almost as though she already had it in her mind, it was quite a fantastic idea. Their eyes locked for a while, as everyone dropped silent. “Except me, pick someone of the opposite sex and kiss her. OH yeah, she has to be special." '
And the his painfully intellectual/paranoid moments-
'somehow, he thinks marriage is society’s way to trap young people to adhere to an accepted social structure whereby the building blocks starts at the family.'
And being a guy again(just better worded)-
' “ you can lose yourself, everything, all boundaries, all time, the two bodies become soo mixed up that you don’t know who’s who or what’s what, and just when the sweet confusion soo intense you think you’re going to die, and you know you kinda do, leaving you alone in your separate body, but the one you love is still there. That’s the miracle, you can go to heaven and come back alive, go back anytime you want with the one you love.” ' -With protection of course.
The incredibly optimistic times-
' " I open my eyes, and as I take my 1st conscious breath, I see magnificent golden rays of sunlight filtering through the naked windows. Nature's symphony already proceeding with the chirping of birds, far away muffled barking and late insects headed back to their lairs. The tiltating aroma of freshly brewed coffee teases my already pampered senses, as I slip out of my bed in a zen-like state. I am the picture of serenity. Peace is me, and I am peace." '
And sometimes a little overboard with the far-fetched optimism-
'Then their breakthrough in the international scene will come with their 2nd single, "Beat it", followed up by "Beat You Up" and the phenomenal success of the song "Beat-rice". Fame, fortune, and everything else falls in the laps of B.E.A.T.S. members. Also a chunk of musical history too. '
The slight dramatizations-
'7 birds of chicken. 6 kg of mutton. 5 bags of flour. 4 family members. 3 consecutive days of shopping. 2 narrating personalities. ONE MISSION: Christmas. '
The transformations(some incomplete for very good reasons)-
'Albert 2006: Normal boring prefect.
Albert 2007: Normal boring prefect + English debating zone champion + lead actor, scriptwriter, co-director of English Drama + Vocalist of a band( pending 2 upcoming gigs).'
The happy times-
'Well, they won. Albert made his debate debut, in the Taylors debate, as 1st speaker, against St. Mary's, and they won.'
And the sad ones-
'So here was Albert, drowning in post-debate depression, hoping Saturday he could eat his depressed soul out at the buffet dinner, which is some sort of consolation. Of course it would be nice if he had a friend who could give him a good pat on his back and go all : “ Come, come, its alright,” but you can’t eat your friends you see. They would’t taste good anyway.'
Discussed great conflicts in his life-
'Albert is in a dilemma. An almighty dilemma.
Well you see, he has a shirt. And the shirt has all its prints on the back. And the front is empty. Soo what does our poor protagonist do? Should he do the rightful thing and wear the shirt like he should, with the print on the back, and risk looking like an idiot wearing his shirt the wrong way?
Or, does he go against the very grains of morality and deliberately wear the shirt the wrong way, with the print on the front, so that it will seem to everyone that this bright chap here wore his shirt the right way? Although deep down inside he will know that he isn't wearing the shirt the right way, and although it may seem like he is, he REALLY ISN'T. Plus, the collar gets itchy when you wear the shirt the wrong way. '
The intense political discussions with the occasional tasteful dig-
'sakitgigi,u pergi tuang Coca-cola ke dalam lubang ccohai nenek awak,lepas itu ambil straw dan hisap minum Coca-cola cibai nenek,taruk kaki kau ke dalam dubur datuk kau dan korek berak keluar,hahahaha '
Attempting the impossible-
'They had lofty dreams of promoting Malaysian culture and fostering greater understanding between countries as young ambassadors. And somewhere along the lines, help the world attain world peace. To them, its worth it.
To Albert, well, its free what, so what the hell man'
-and succeeding. (yeah, he actually got the exchange program)
Yes, to you people out there, thank you so very much for supporting this blog. It couldn't have happened without you(well actually it could but it wouldn't be as fun).
To one year of Albert, his opinions, and hopefully many more years of this bullshit.
Anyone who's tried will tell you it wasn't easy. Motivation may get you started, but even habit sometimes wont keep you going. He never really expected it to turn out like this. One year, 3 blogs, and 36 posts later here we are, the first year anniversary of Albert's blogs.
One whole year.
One whole year of detailed documentation of Albert in a witty 3rd person perspective. Nothing more other than Albert, more Albert and more Albert. And you actually read it. You are either extremely bored most of the time or you really, really have no life. Either way thanks, it was terribly nice of you. You did a wonderful job of making Albert feel important. And noticed too, just Google "kamahlendra".
http://www.google.com.my/search?q=kamahlendra&hl=en&filter=0
You guys really are awesome. You stuck with him through all those moments of his life. The times when he was at a lost for words-
'As he was playing with his handphone, he glimpsed a pair of gorgeous legs sprouting from 3 inch heels, he looked up to see the owner of those legs. He didn't deserve the sight, but there it was, in all her glory, fitted into a tight, tiny black, glittery dress. She flashed him a smile, he looked on stupefied. Time grounded to a halt, his heart skipped a beat(maybe more), white noise filled his brain, it was as though the very spirit of every male that ever acknowledged the highest form aesthetic beauty that is the female culminated in this very moment, this blip in the fabric of time through all eternity. With such a burden on Albert's back to express this into a sentence that includes adjectives and superlatives that was due to the Godsent creature in front him, what does he say?
"I..I...you..you...look....WHOA!!!" '
Or those times when he was being a guy-
'in a prefect uniform, blazer and all, and boy, she looked hot in the short and tight skirt and small blouse. Its like how a nurse's uniform becomes all sexy in a male fantasy when in fact it really isn't, thats how she transformed the school prefect uniform into something Pn Rohaidah and Pn Chong certainly did not appreciate'
Or the times when people reacted rationally when they confused his identity with someone else-
'Barely moments later, Albert had his shirt forcefully tugged by this Indian dude over to the passenger seat of his blue wira. Albert's legs betrayed him as he followed the man over to the other side in bewilderment. The man was tense and slightly nervous as his eyes glanced the street and spoke to Albert in a hoarse whisper: " Get in the car, now!"
The car door was already open by now, and the man was even more tense and hurried. He repeated his words, but in a more threatening manner, and still Albert refused, hoping he could buy time until someone doing their daily jogging would just by chance come by, but strangely, no one came. But with every passing second, the Indian man could not risk being seen, and with a resolute threat, he looked dead in Albert's eyes, slipped his hands behind his back, and announced that he had a gun.' -ah,the wonderful people of the world.
The times he did things he wished he didn't-
'“Truth or Dare?” she asked. He picked dare, cause he would have lied his way out of Truth anyway. She thought for a while, but it was almost as though she already had it in her mind, it was quite a fantastic idea. Their eyes locked for a while, as everyone dropped silent. “Except me, pick someone of the opposite sex and kiss her. OH yeah, she has to be special." '
And the his painfully intellectual/paranoid moments-
'somehow, he thinks marriage is society’s way to trap young people to adhere to an accepted social structure whereby the building blocks starts at the family.'
And being a guy again(just better worded)-
' “ you can lose yourself, everything, all boundaries, all time, the two bodies become soo mixed up that you don’t know who’s who or what’s what, and just when the sweet confusion soo intense you think you’re going to die, and you know you kinda do, leaving you alone in your separate body, but the one you love is still there. That’s the miracle, you can go to heaven and come back alive, go back anytime you want with the one you love.” ' -With protection of course.
The incredibly optimistic times-
' " I open my eyes, and as I take my 1st conscious breath, I see magnificent golden rays of sunlight filtering through the naked windows. Nature's symphony already proceeding with the chirping of birds, far away muffled barking and late insects headed back to their lairs. The tiltating aroma of freshly brewed coffee teases my already pampered senses, as I slip out of my bed in a zen-like state. I am the picture of serenity. Peace is me, and I am peace." '
And sometimes a little overboard with the far-fetched optimism-
'Then their breakthrough in the international scene will come with their 2nd single, "Beat it", followed up by "Beat You Up" and the phenomenal success of the song "Beat-rice". Fame, fortune, and everything else falls in the laps of B.E.A.T.S. members. Also a chunk of musical history too. '
The slight dramatizations-
'7 birds of chicken. 6 kg of mutton. 5 bags of flour. 4 family members. 3 consecutive days of shopping. 2 narrating personalities. ONE MISSION: Christmas. '
The transformations(some incomplete for very good reasons)-
'Albert 2006: Normal boring prefect.
Albert 2007: Normal boring prefect + English debating zone champion + lead actor, scriptwriter, co-director of English Drama + Vocalist of a band( pending 2 upcoming gigs).'
The happy times-
'Well, they won. Albert made his debate debut, in the Taylors debate, as 1st speaker, against St. Mary's, and they won.'
And the sad ones-
'So here was Albert, drowning in post-debate depression, hoping Saturday he could eat his depressed soul out at the buffet dinner, which is some sort of consolation. Of course it would be nice if he had a friend who could give him a good pat on his back and go all : “ Come, come, its alright,” but you can’t eat your friends you see. They would’t taste good anyway.'
Discussed great conflicts in his life-
'Albert is in a dilemma. An almighty dilemma.
Well you see, he has a shirt. And the shirt has all its prints on the back. And the front is empty. Soo what does our poor protagonist do? Should he do the rightful thing and wear the shirt like he should, with the print on the back, and risk looking like an idiot wearing his shirt the wrong way?
Or, does he go against the very grains of morality and deliberately wear the shirt the wrong way, with the print on the front, so that it will seem to everyone that this bright chap here wore his shirt the right way? Although deep down inside he will know that he isn't wearing the shirt the right way, and although it may seem like he is, he REALLY ISN'T. Plus, the collar gets itchy when you wear the shirt the wrong way. '
The intense political discussions with the occasional tasteful dig-
'sakitgigi,u pergi tuang Coca-cola ke dalam lubang ccohai nenek awak,lepas itu ambil straw dan hisap minum Coca-cola cibai nenek,taruk kaki kau ke dalam dubur datuk kau dan korek berak keluar,hahahaha '
Attempting the impossible-
'They had lofty dreams of promoting Malaysian culture and fostering greater understanding between countries as young ambassadors. And somewhere along the lines, help the world attain world peace. To them, its worth it.
To Albert, well, its free what, so what the hell man'
-and succeeding. (yeah, he actually got the exchange program)
Yes, to you people out there, thank you so very much for supporting this blog. It couldn't have happened without you(well actually it could but it wouldn't be as fun).
To one year of Albert, his opinions, and hopefully many more years of this bullshit.
Sunday, August 19, 2007
Closer to America
Well, the American dream isn't all that hunky dory sugar and spice and everything nice. -32 C temperatures, narrow mindedness, religious ignorance, boredom(not all of them are happening people), intense homesickness, bland food, xenophobia and cliques to overcome. And yet there were 54 students who made it to the final selection who will be fighting for 30 places for the exchange program scholarship to the US for 6 months. Dumb asses.
Well Albert was one of them. They refers to the eager beavers from all walks of life, from the orang asli to the 10 race(literally) rojak jock to, erm Albert. They had lofty dreams of promoting Malaysian culture and fostering greater understanding between countries as young ambassadors. And somewhere along the lines, help the world attain world peace. To them, its worth it.
To Albert, well, its free what, so what the hell man. Plus the hotel(where they stayed overnight for the selection) food was damn nice. And the jacuzzi was pretty cool too. Naturally world peace would show up somewhere down the list. And Carishma.
Its indeed a wonder how someone(Albert) who managed to screw up the number of American states in his interview(genius answered 44) actually got past the 1st interview. Out of the 600 people, he ended up here, the top 54. Must have been his dashing good looks.
Nevertheless, here he was, in Hotel Singgahsana, for a 2 day 1 night stay for the final selection. Everything was sponsored by the American government, the stay, the breakfast, 2 lunches and dinner. The food was really good. The jacuzzi too. All FOC. Including Carishma.
The interview, was spread out throughout the 2 days, and Albert along with the rest of the Selangor batch was the last few. So while waiting for the interview, just like the 1st interview not too long ago, they had a couple of activities. From what he can remember, there was this game where you had to inter-hold each others hand(in your respective groups) in such a way that it was an insane matrix of a complicated chain of arms interlocked. And you have to unravel it to form the circle that you started with. It was a long, tedious process. Sweaty bodies slithering around and tilting aromas of the body. Albert should have had deodorant on. Then there was one where you tied a balloon to your toe and you had to burst balloons of your rival members and protecting your group mates at the same time. Albert really should have had deodorant on. Then there was one where you have to walk on this grid of similar looking boxes. The trick here is that there are certain boxes which you cant step on. There is only a certain path you can follow, and you cant figure it out without trial and error. And there was this one where you had to build a tower of straws.
Then there was a debate. At first, Albert was excited about it, but by the time he was through, he told himself he probably shouldn't debate for a while at least. It was like meeting an ex. The initial excitement that drew you to them in the first place comes first. Then the painful memories. Debating broke up with Albert. He hasn't got over it. Its difficult-la.
During this whole thing, he met a really nice person. Guess. Bet you think its Carrishma right? WRONG!
Got you this time.
Its spelt with a single "r".
Shes really nice, like the food, and the jacuzzi. Except that she has a great personality, and can carry a conversation plus shes probably one of the more "real" people that he met there. Not being an inanimate object also is a plus. And, yeah, she is good looking. Hey its not ALL about the looks ok. But actually yeah, she is ....
The interviewers were really nice. And no, no major screw ups this time. He's got a pretty good shot at this. Who knows, he might just get it. But even if he doesn't get through its cool, just the experience thus far is awesome enough. All the great people. And, the jacuzzi and the food. Yeah.
It was SO much fun. All jokes aside, the people there are awesome, and if he had to make way for them they would sure as hell deserve it. Time flies when you're with awesome people. 2 days and a night just went by SO fast, it feels like it was almost just yesterday.
Well, it WAS just yesterday anyway.
Well, the American dream isn't all that hunky dory sugar and spice and everything nice. -32 C temperatures, narrow mindedness, religious ignorance, boredom(not all of them are happening people), intense homesickness, bland food, xenophobia and cliques to overcome. And yet there were 54 students who made it to the final selection who will be fighting for 30 places for the exchange program scholarship to the US for 6 months. Dumb asses.
Well Albert was one of them. They refers to the eager beavers from all walks of life, from the orang asli to the 10 race(literally) rojak jock to, erm Albert. They had lofty dreams of promoting Malaysian culture and fostering greater understanding between countries as young ambassadors. And somewhere along the lines, help the world attain world peace. To them, its worth it.
To Albert, well, its free what, so what the hell man. Plus the hotel(where they stayed overnight for the selection) food was damn nice. And the jacuzzi was pretty cool too. Naturally world peace would show up somewhere down the list. And Carishma.
Its indeed a wonder how someone(Albert) who managed to screw up the number of American states in his interview(genius answered 44) actually got past the 1st interview. Out of the 600 people, he ended up here, the top 54. Must have been his dashing good looks.
Nevertheless, here he was, in Hotel Singgahsana, for a 2 day 1 night stay for the final selection. Everything was sponsored by the American government, the stay, the breakfast, 2 lunches and dinner. The food was really good. The jacuzzi too. All FOC. Including Carishma.
The interview, was spread out throughout the 2 days, and Albert along with the rest of the Selangor batch was the last few. So while waiting for the interview, just like the 1st interview not too long ago, they had a couple of activities. From what he can remember, there was this game where you had to inter-hold each others hand(in your respective groups) in such a way that it was an insane matrix of a complicated chain of arms interlocked. And you have to unravel it to form the circle that you started with. It was a long, tedious process. Sweaty bodies slithering around and tilting aromas of the body. Albert should have had deodorant on. Then there was one where you tied a balloon to your toe and you had to burst balloons of your rival members and protecting your group mates at the same time. Albert really should have had deodorant on. Then there was one where you have to walk on this grid of similar looking boxes. The trick here is that there are certain boxes which you cant step on. There is only a certain path you can follow, and you cant figure it out without trial and error. And there was this one where you had to build a tower of straws.
Then there was a debate. At first, Albert was excited about it, but by the time he was through, he told himself he probably shouldn't debate for a while at least. It was like meeting an ex. The initial excitement that drew you to them in the first place comes first. Then the painful memories. Debating broke up with Albert. He hasn't got over it. Its difficult-la.
During this whole thing, he met a really nice person. Guess. Bet you think its Carrishma right? WRONG!
Got you this time.
Its spelt with a single "r".
Shes really nice, like the food, and the jacuzzi. Except that she has a great personality, and can carry a conversation plus shes probably one of the more "real" people that he met there. Not being an inanimate object also is a plus. And, yeah, she is good looking. Hey its not ALL about the looks ok. But actually yeah, she is ....
The interviewers were really nice. And no, no major screw ups this time. He's got a pretty good shot at this. Who knows, he might just get it. But even if he doesn't get through its cool, just the experience thus far is awesome enough. All the great people. And, the jacuzzi and the food. Yeah.
It was SO much fun. All jokes aside, the people there are awesome, and if he had to make way for them they would sure as hell deserve it. Time flies when you're with awesome people. 2 days and a night just went by SO fast, it feels like it was almost just yesterday.
Well, it WAS just yesterday anyway.
Thursday, August 16, 2007
Negarakuku
At the current time of this posting, it is exactly 2 weeks before Malaysia celebrates her 50th birthday. And she is one unhappy menopausal b****.
Have you heard of the furore surrounding the rather cheeky video posted by this plump(and talented) chinese guy from Johor? If somehow you managed to not notice the tsunami like ripple effect caused by this video in the Malaysian blogosphere, go and redeem whatever pride you may still have left in you here- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gyiBvJtJ5Z4
Please dont be a smart ass and try to continue reading on without checking out the video. Do it for your sake.
Now this guy, parodied Negaraku(Negarakuku), with subtle(and not so subtle) references to Malaysian culture. Its a nice anecdote to all the hoo-ha about Malaysia and Merdeka, 50 years, fuelled by the millions of dollars in taxpayers' money going into generating this hype. Then comes along this little video that eclipses all the pretentious bull revolving around you by injecting a good dose of reality into your collective consciousness. Of course, its not like you dont already know all this shit happening in your society. Its just that its not always that such things are discussed in open. Especially in this delicately balanced, harmonious multiracial country. Everything from currupt policemen to Bumiputra rights to the Azan prayers to government servents. Admittedly, its quite a professional video. The rapping isnt too bad either. Looks nice. Of course, not everyone took to it too kindly.
Fellow Malaysians share their thoughts in an intellectual discourse over Youtube:
zaki..pukimak kau..u balik pergi puki mak kau yg busuk itu..u ingat ini u punya tempat ka..ya betul..tempat babi sial berzina..sebiji macam u punya muka pantat tapir itu...melayu tau bunuh saja..tengok pemandu bas tg sudah mati macam cibai bunuh berapa org..kaum apa pula itu..u punya kaum tau..pukimak punya org
And there are the bold predictions-
all chinese listen if namewee(author of video) dies..blame it on malays and islam...we just wait and see how they gonna to do
Of course there are the incredibly wise ones-
maybe wong is correct too, umno sure fucked up big time, too many corruption in there. good example, some young umno ass propose to make mat rempit as mat cemerlang, fuck this shit man, i dont see where those jibai fuckers rempit can be damn fucking cemerlang
Ditto.
Then there is Misson Impossible 4-
BeePee tak payah balah dgn org jahil lagi bangang macam Chinesevictory. Buang masa ja. Kita sekarang perlu hapuskan Namewee(his real name must be rather boring) tu. Hantar spy kita ke taiwan
WOW are you crazy PIN876!!??..real LIFE??!!Why you keep your eyes on me all the time??Are you the UMNO's undercover????
Brilliant orators-
I will fry your penis with your grandma pussy water,and feed you until your lampa blow up,hahahaha
Hamkafukuai punya honkan
A proud owner of impressive anatomy-
saya punya penis 30inchies maa,mahu cuba???mari saya main punggung awak,tolong saya hisap penis dan sya diao mulut awak sampai tembak sperma keluar dari lubang punggung awak,hahahaa....!!
The slight generalizations-
fuck to all chinese people in mlaysia!!! lets KILL THE ALL...!!!!! they are stupid like their god....PIG!!!
Some self-rightoues idiot trying to spoil the fun-
pls guys, pls refrain from using obscene word... This issue is more towards whether malaysian malays should have any special privileges....
Occasionly, someone manages to comment in proper English-
I like the positive spin on the social and political observation on the malay and non malay culture. You should take pride being a Malaysian. To be a sucessful nation, it takes a lot of tolerance, patients, compassion, forgiving and understanding to co exist. Not many nations in this world are able to achieve that
To top all this patriotism off, Albert found out he got NS. Which is going to clash with his exchange program is he manages to ace the interview with the Ambassador of the US to Malaysia. Wonderful country this.
And just how is he going to impress the ambassador about how he wants to represent Malaysian culture?
sakitgigi,u pergi tuang Coca-cola ke dalam lubang ccohai nenek awak,lepas itu ambil straw dan hisap minum Coca-cola cibai nenek,taruk kaki kau ke dalam dubur datuk kau dan korek berak keluar,hahahaha
Oh boy.
At the current time of this posting, it is exactly 2 weeks before Malaysia celebrates her 50th birthday. And she is one unhappy menopausal b****.
Have you heard of the furore surrounding the rather cheeky video posted by this plump(and talented) chinese guy from Johor? If somehow you managed to not notice the tsunami like ripple effect caused by this video in the Malaysian blogosphere, go and redeem whatever pride you may still have left in you here- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gyiBvJtJ5Z4
Please dont be a smart ass and try to continue reading on without checking out the video. Do it for your sake.
Now this guy, parodied Negaraku(Negarakuku), with subtle(and not so subtle) references to Malaysian culture. Its a nice anecdote to all the hoo-ha about Malaysia and Merdeka, 50 years, fuelled by the millions of dollars in taxpayers' money going into generating this hype. Then comes along this little video that eclipses all the pretentious bull revolving around you by injecting a good dose of reality into your collective consciousness. Of course, its not like you dont already know all this shit happening in your society. Its just that its not always that such things are discussed in open. Especially in this delicately balanced, harmonious multiracial country. Everything from currupt policemen to Bumiputra rights to the Azan prayers to government servents. Admittedly, its quite a professional video. The rapping isnt too bad either. Looks nice. Of course, not everyone took to it too kindly.
Fellow Malaysians share their thoughts in an intellectual discourse over Youtube:
zaki..pukimak kau..u balik pergi puki mak kau yg busuk itu..u ingat ini u punya tempat ka..ya betul..tempat babi sial berzina..sebiji macam u punya muka pantat tapir itu...melayu tau bunuh saja..tengok pemandu bas tg sudah mati macam cibai bunuh berapa org..kaum apa pula itu..u punya kaum tau..pukimak punya org
And there are the bold predictions-
all chinese listen if namewee(author of video) dies..blame it on malays and islam...we just wait and see how they gonna to do
Of course there are the incredibly wise ones-
maybe wong is correct too, umno sure fucked up big time, too many corruption in there. good example, some young umno ass propose to make mat rempit as mat cemerlang, fuck this shit man, i dont see where those jibai fuckers rempit can be damn fucking cemerlang
Ditto.
Then there is Misson Impossible 4-
BeePee tak payah balah dgn org jahil lagi bangang macam Chinesevictory. Buang masa ja. Kita sekarang perlu hapuskan Namewee(his real name must be rather boring) tu. Hantar spy kita ke taiwan
WOW are you crazy PIN876!!??..real LIFE??!!Why you keep your eyes on me all the time??Are you the UMNO's undercover????
Brilliant orators-
I will fry your penis with your grandma pussy water,and feed you until your lampa blow up,hahahaha
Hamkafukuai punya honkan
A proud owner of impressive anatomy-
saya punya penis 30inchies maa,mahu cuba???mari saya main punggung awak,tolong saya hisap penis dan sya diao mulut awak sampai tembak sperma keluar dari lubang punggung awak,hahahaa....!!
The slight generalizations-
fuck to all chinese people in mlaysia!!! lets KILL THE ALL...!!!!! they are stupid like their god....PIG!!!
Some self-rightoues idiot trying to spoil the fun-
pls guys, pls refrain from using obscene word... This issue is more towards whether malaysian malays should have any special privileges....
Occasionly, someone manages to comment in proper English-
I like the positive spin on the social and political observation on the malay and non malay culture. You should take pride being a Malaysian. To be a sucessful nation, it takes a lot of tolerance, patients, compassion, forgiving and understanding to co exist. Not many nations in this world are able to achieve that
To top all this patriotism off, Albert found out he got NS. Which is going to clash with his exchange program is he manages to ace the interview with the Ambassador of the US to Malaysia. Wonderful country this.
And just how is he going to impress the ambassador about how he wants to represent Malaysian culture?
sakitgigi,u pergi tuang Coca-cola ke dalam lubang ccohai nenek awak,lepas itu ambil straw dan hisap minum Coca-cola cibai nenek,taruk kaki kau ke dalam dubur datuk kau dan korek berak keluar,hahahaha
Oh boy.
Saturday, August 04, 2007
"Ohmmmmm"
This week, has been a realisation of the synergy of forces of the universe. The Yin Yang. The two opposite forces that serve to bring the the Universe to its natural balance. Where things come back to the way it was. A return to the origin. Let us unite our energy with the Universe, and meditate upon these soul-lifting, enlightening holy scripts.
"Ohmmmmm"
Albert is getting installed.
"Ohmmmmm"
For now he has retired from the prefect board, and come Monday, he will be, get this, sitting in assembly! Whoa! Not just that, he will actually be walking through the spotcheck line!! Double-whoa!! And no more duty. Which means normal recess again! Triple-whoa!!
Let us not get too excited now, calm your inner energy.
"Ohmmmmm"
Albert honestly thought the next Head would be Geetha, but it turned out to be this tall Chinese guy, the name escapes Albert. According to Pn. Rohaida, the outgoing batch were the best batch of prefects she has had(we're not discounting the possibility that she says this to every batch), but considering how they didn't get too many complaints from the teachers(it is virtually impossible to be complaint-free anyway) you could say they did a pretty good job. That in mind, Mr Hands-Up(as Albert's classmates refer to him as) will have quite a difficult task ahead of him. He doesn't seem to have the personality of Yih Ren, or the ease in carrying the burden-of-command, but then again Yih Ren had more experience. Either way prepare for some serious shit amigo.
....
Then there is the Interact Installation. How he managed to get in the board in the first place baffles him, albeit it being "just" the Sargent-in-Arms. Who got a cert. Ruffled quite a few feathers him getting cert, since only 4 people get it. So it really is one of the best jobs on the board. You dint have to do much, and you get to say "I told you soo" no matter what the outcome. Plus you get a cert.
His successor happens to be a guy(after some girl disappointed her bra-burning feminist grandmothers by rejecting the post because it was a "guy job") who, has a pretty face. Who said you have to be intimidating to hold this post anyway? Speaking of the successors, the new board is, well, not bad. They are of course, still wet behind the ears, with the usual indignity of trying to prove they can outdo or at least equal the outgoing board's success, on their own. They'll master the learning curve no doubt, once they work on the communication, execution(go on, laugh at the double meaning), organization etc etc. This is because the Installation Day they organized was a reflection of the aforementioned attributes(or the lack of it). Well at least they topped Shanon's batch during their Installation, which had a turnout of a grand total of 2 guests. This time around well, lets just say Albert contributed to 25% of the attendance on that day by calling Gao Loong , and 2 guests made it for the final 10 minutes of the thing.
Of course, you could put it down to sheer bad luck, as they found out much too late that SU's Installation was on the same day, and people generally prefer to go to events organized by the Interact Club with the "Largest Membership in the World" than, ahem, SS17's "very fun" Interact Club. So in all fairness, there would be little difference had the outgoing board organized it. "Little" is open to interpretation here.
But thumbs up anyway to the new President Evan Morris, who seems to be able( or at least gives the impression) to control his board members. For a prime example, he managed to shut Tess up when she annoyed him. And Albert is sure that you will agree with him that that is no easy task.
Mankind -1
Tess -0
And then he did it again(or soo Albert heard)
Mankind -2
Tess -0
This guy is awesome. But then again they were all stressed out, and naturally, people tend to get each other's nerves. No worries though, Tess will catch up soon.
And thus ends the cycle of events, where we come back to the beginning, the balance is achieved again, the Universe is unfolding as it should, and normalcy rules. As usual.
"Ohmmmm"
This week, has been a realisation of the synergy of forces of the universe. The Yin Yang. The two opposite forces that serve to bring the the Universe to its natural balance. Where things come back to the way it was. A return to the origin. Let us unite our energy with the Universe, and meditate upon these soul-lifting, enlightening holy scripts.
"Ohmmmmm"
Albert is getting installed.
"Ohmmmmm"
For now he has retired from the prefect board, and come Monday, he will be, get this, sitting in assembly! Whoa! Not just that, he will actually be walking through the spotcheck line!! Double-whoa!! And no more duty. Which means normal recess again! Triple-whoa!!
Let us not get too excited now, calm your inner energy.
"Ohmmmmm"
Albert honestly thought the next Head would be Geetha, but it turned out to be this tall Chinese guy, the name escapes Albert. According to Pn. Rohaida, the outgoing batch were the best batch of prefects she has had(we're not discounting the possibility that she says this to every batch), but considering how they didn't get too many complaints from the teachers(it is virtually impossible to be complaint-free anyway) you could say they did a pretty good job. That in mind, Mr Hands-Up(as Albert's classmates refer to him as) will have quite a difficult task ahead of him. He doesn't seem to have the personality of Yih Ren, or the ease in carrying the burden-of-command, but then again Yih Ren had more experience. Either way prepare for some serious shit amigo.
....
Then there is the Interact Installation. How he managed to get in the board in the first place baffles him, albeit it being "just" the Sargent-in-Arms. Who got a cert. Ruffled quite a few feathers him getting cert, since only 4 people get it. So it really is one of the best jobs on the board. You dint have to do much, and you get to say "I told you soo" no matter what the outcome. Plus you get a cert.
His successor happens to be a guy(after some girl disappointed her bra-burning feminist grandmothers by rejecting the post because it was a "guy job") who, has a pretty face. Who said you have to be intimidating to hold this post anyway? Speaking of the successors, the new board is, well, not bad. They are of course, still wet behind the ears, with the usual indignity of trying to prove they can outdo or at least equal the outgoing board's success, on their own. They'll master the learning curve no doubt, once they work on the communication, execution(go on, laugh at the double meaning), organization etc etc. This is because the Installation Day they organized was a reflection of the aforementioned attributes(or the lack of it). Well at least they topped Shanon's batch during their Installation, which had a turnout of a grand total of 2 guests. This time around well, lets just say Albert contributed to 25% of the attendance on that day by calling Gao Loong , and 2 guests made it for the final 10 minutes of the thing.
Of course, you could put it down to sheer bad luck, as they found out much too late that SU's Installation was on the same day, and people generally prefer to go to events organized by the Interact Club with the "Largest Membership in the World" than, ahem, SS17's "very fun" Interact Club. So in all fairness, there would be little difference had the outgoing board organized it. "Little" is open to interpretation here.
But thumbs up anyway to the new President Evan Morris, who seems to be able( or at least gives the impression) to control his board members. For a prime example, he managed to shut Tess up when she annoyed him. And Albert is sure that you will agree with him that that is no easy task.
Mankind -1
Tess -0
And then he did it again(or soo Albert heard)
Mankind -2
Tess -0
This guy is awesome. But then again they were all stressed out, and naturally, people tend to get each other's nerves. No worries though, Tess will catch up soon.
And thus ends the cycle of events, where we come back to the beginning, the balance is achieved again, the Universe is unfolding as it should, and normalcy rules. As usual.
"Ohmmmm"
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