For The Lack Of Better Words

2008-07-09T03:35:00.024-05:00

Coming home

Well Albert has been incredibly busy since leaving David's place last, last Monday, and its been 18 days since, so heres a recap of all that happened.

It all started on the 30th of June, Albert and Gigih arrived at Concordia College where other exchange students from the Pine to Prairie Chapter

after leaving home and spending a night at Carol's place since there was a family reunion the day before they had to leave for the college.

All packed

Their last picture together

After the bag weighing and the final goodbyes(which gave the local orientation a very depressing tone), a lunch, and the usual orientation activities, and they were off on their 10 hour bus ride to Chicago.

You have to make yourself comfortable on long rides like this.

Extra stops along the way for dinner among other things dragged the journey into the wee hours in the morning, them arriving at Elmhurst College, just outside Chicago(the point where every exchange student from the Midwest converges), at 3:30am.

The next morning, everyone ready to leave.

It was then that Albert had to say goodbye to his German, Swiss and Filipino exchange student friends, and inevitably, there was some tears. Albert himself never had to say goodbye so many times to so many people ever before. The non-YES students flew straight home, but the YES students(Albert&Gigih included)had another orientation in Washington DC, which was their destination that morning via a plane ride.

The domestic United flights are always so much more comfortable.

In the Chicago O'Hare Airport.

A couple hours later and Albert was in Washington DC. The last time he was there he was full of excitement and anticipation, it was more of a subdued feeling this time around, all he had more of now was luggage and body weight. Another short bus ride later, and Albert was in Hilton.

the first thing he saw entering the Hotel

He met some of the old guys, all of whom shared the general consensus that Albert had grown fat, but Albert did not stick around for the pleasantries, he wanted to take a bath so bad that day, so he and his room mate Faiz went up to the room

Nice big flat screen TV and 2 double beds. Albert got the double bed, leaving the cot for Daniel who was to come later. First come first serve dude.

During meal times

The numerous presentation

And as usual, females are never too far away from the dude with the abs & pecs(Daniel in case you are wondering)

Meals, activities, meals, and more activities

The next day was more interesting with the trip to the US Department of State where Mr.James K. Glassman Under Secretary for Public Diplomacy and Public Affairs from the Department of State addressed all 364 exchange students followed by a question and answer session. Then there was the long awaited bus ride to their respective embassies, where a Nasi Lemak lunch awaited the Malaysian group.

The embassy

Being greeted by the embassy people

True Malaysian joy-only in the presence of food

The heavenly meal

Up next was the trip to Union Station in the heart of Washington DC

Union Station

where they split up and headed to their own respective congressional reps, but since the embassy meet dragged on too long, Albert was late for the meeting, but it was a good thing that Ryan and Gigih were not, and he managed to be there in time to say goodbye to the staffer.

Nevertheless he wasnt leaving until he had solid evidence that the meeting did happen

After that, with Shalini as their tour guide, Albert, Wai Quai and Barath toured DC together.

Outside the congressional rep building

Poor Wai Quai had to walk around barefoot because she couldnt stand the heels(the things women do in the name of fashion, sigh)

The capitol building up close

A Segway. Would have definitely come in handy when touring DC.

The streets

Subway train

Aeronotics museum

And at the end of the day they all got back on the bus after dinner at the Union Station and headed back to Hilton, where they would practise for their cultural performance.

About the cultural performance, they decided on a Balik Kampung theme, which was fitted the occasion perfectly, they were going to recite a poem(Si Tenggang's Homecoming to be exact, if anyone remembers their Literature poems), while people acted it out, finishing which the rest of em break into song(Balik Kampung) with a group doing an accompanying song. And just for that modern touch, Joe emerges from where the singing group parts in the middle after Ariff yells "REMIX BABY!!!" and raps something that ends with the whole group shouting "PEACE" at the end. If somebody bothered to post the video of the performance Albert could show you but unfortunately, nobody has so far.

Anyway, the next day would be the last day in DC, and there was a grand dinner where all the students will be performing their cultural presentation, after which there was a dance. Only for an hour, but hey, its the best way to end the night.

The comic duo of Joe and Andrew, these guys are gonna be the stars of the show

The dinner

The performances

The Filipinos had a good performance, along with the rest of the countries, their "we are one" song being especially memorable, what with the crowd waving their hands and singing to the common energy in the room, it could give you goosebumps.

As you can see, some people really got into it

Then, there was the dance.

Carrie had her fair share of warding of guys whose hands just wandered to far.
Then there were also people who were caught on video "grinding", not something they would want their parents and Malaysia to see on television thats for sure.

After the dance they went back to their respective rooms, but neither Faiz, Albert nor Danial wanted to sleep because the Malaysian group had to be up by 3:30 am that morning to catch the earliest flight out of DC, so they just stayed up after 12, with a German girl they managed to sneak in, and sneak out later without getting caught.

Stephanie

Who managed to get Daniel to spill some juicy info on his private life in the States, but only Albert and Steph heard about it, and they swore to secrecy, so its going to have to be another one of those times where he rouses your curiousity and fails to satisfy it much to your frustration. Albert apologises.

And so began their long journey back to the other side of the world that they left 6 months ago, flying into Chicago and from there to Shanghai to KL, all equal in their eagerness to go home and reluctance to leave the US.

Although long haul Economy class United flights arent always exactly luxurious, traveling with these bunch of people makes it tolerable. Doesnt matter where you are, as long as the company's right.

It was a shorter flight than the one they took going to the US, by almost 8 hours, probably because it took a shorter route over Alska rather than over the Pacific(the earth isnt a perfect sphere, the circumference around the equator is alot longer than you think)

Shanghai Airport

Long lines were inevitable

But they eventually got on their MAS flight back home

The MAS plane was alot more comfortable than the United ones, with a couple extra inches of legroom, PLUS a TV in front of you where you actually get to choose what movie you want to watch, or television show, or game you want to play or even go online! Too bad it was only a 5 hour flight.

From the pilot speaking in Malay to the Malay stewards to the Malaysian meals to the Malaysian newspaper. They were on their way home. Balik kampung.

They arrived finally back to the homeland, greeted by their parents

and the 8tv crew

After dumping their luggage at the hotel, they did the only thing 40 Malaysians would do after being away from Malaysia for 6 months. They went to the mamak.

Albert's meal and milo ice. Damn it was so good.

And so after the great meal they went back to bed and had a good night's rest for the orientation the next day

The chinese dudes, Niccolo, Insurance and Aunty

They fellowshipped over the good Malaysian meals

And had their wardrobe streched thin

(notice Sherilyn wearing the same blue top she wore in DC, and Joe was reduced a free t-shirt they gave out in DC and shorts, quite a few other people had to resort reusing old clothes and free t-shirts. Thats what happens when you subject people to continuos orientations.

Other than the discussion/debate they had on leadership qualities which Albert was told he did a good job on, the only other high point of the orientation would be the trip to Central Market to watch Top Cover perform live.

The train

Central Market

Top Cover

They did a edgy version of "Umbrella", hence, the unbrella

The last night

And so, after 20 days of orientations and flights seperated by the 6 months they spent all around America, their American adventure officially comes to an end, and again, it was time for goodbyes.

Nevertheless, they have numerous plans together to participate in the alumni and undertake projects and attend camps, and of course, to hang out with each other.

And just so you know, he wouldnt have done it with any other bunch of crazy people.

2008-06-24T23:44:00.005-05:00

Boy, he'll miss the girls

He remembers the first day of school in Starkweather, after choosing his classes at the principle's office and a brief tour of the school, he was left to fend for his own in a sea of weird white people. He was just numb to the new surroundings, trying not to make eye contact, and acting as normal as he possibly can. Nevertheless, call it xenophobia if you want to, but all these blond, white people made him uneasy, at least until he laid eyes on

Kori Werner

He still remembers, it was in desktop publishing, and it was at that moment that he decided, hey, this is totally going to be worth it. Just makes you hate him doesn't it?

In fact since we're on the topic, lets introduce Kori, Carrie, and Suzanne

This is the very reason he is so grateful for his experience in a small town in the middle of nowhere. Furthering his theory that cute girls are never too far away from him, even when he's halfway around the world, in a small town, in the middle of nowhere. Say what you want about California, New York or Texas, he'll take North Dakota any day.

Well he still remembers the first time, and last Sunday would probably have been the last time he saw her in the flesh. The whole Werner family were going on a trip to Brazil on Monday, and so they invited Albert and Gigih just to hang out with them and say their goodbyes for the last time.

Of course, a country girl's idea of hanging out would differ slightly from the cityboy's idea of hanging out, because theres always some extreme sport that's involved when country people "hang out".

4-wheeling, as the people here call it. And yes, he did go back for his cap.

They got to ride this ATV first as passengers, then both Gigih and Albert had their chance at driving these things, which can go up to 70 mph( which is approx. 140 kmh). First the little sister, Carly, took them for a spin, and they stopped at the nearby missile station

To think that there was a nuclear missile under that station ready to be launched not too long ago injects some reality into the Cold War, but for the most part it doesn't detract from the awesomeness of BEING THERE. The cameras are still working on the site and the No Trespassing signs are still there, but even with the whole facility locked up, they are told that there is a way to get in. Of course, that possibility went unexplored, it was the more responsible thing to do anyway, considering that the USA can be a bit touchy when it comes to Weapons of Mass Destruction.

Surprisingly, the well manicured&pedicured Kori too had a wild streak to her, and Albert vividly remembers fearing for his life when she was going 40 mph(80kmh) on that thing, exhibiting the kind of driving which did not inspire confidence in her passengers, much less after Albert fell off once, which luckily for him occurred on a slow crawl up a slope, which is how he maintained a very macho fall.

On the way home, his suspicions about Kori's driving was somewhat confirmed

Upon arriving home, there was the usual parting words, and the parting picture,

and as usual, he recited the old line of saying that he hoped to come back soon. But damn it, he sure meant it this time.

2008-06-21T17:54:00.007-05:00

The last week

Before we get into all the nostalgia and sentimental stuff that comes with the last week of the 6 month exchange program, a little update about what Albert has been up to after the road trip.

GRAHAM's ISLAND

They went camping at this camping hotspot called Graham's Island in Devil's Lake on Tuesday:

The entrance

Surrounded by water and dead trees

The campsite

Had a nice fire going

And unbelievably, their prom dates, Iris and Julia were there too, only 2 neighbours away, apparently they were there along with 2 other girlfriends to celebrate a birthday. Strange, strange coincidence. On a Tuesday of all days. They met the girls just as they were about to go for a swim. Talk about luck.

He experienced some American camping traditions, like roasting marshmellows over a fire,

and then having some smores(its basically a melted chocolate bar and roasted marshmellow sandwiched with crackers)

The next day he caught the sunrise

magnificent. Bear in mind that the LCD screen is still busted.

And they left Graham's Island.

WATER TUBING on Thursday:

The Berg's, who are nothing short of the quintessentially perfect family that you would see in those ancient cereal ads, came in with their huge boat and invited Gigih and Albert for a ride down at the lake and a little water tubing.

which was great since it was ridiculously hot that day

the boat

Into the water

and we're off

Captain Berg( you cant imagine the innuendos that come with the titanic sinking last name)

this was Albert's first extreme water sport experience, prior to water
tubing the closest he's got to extreme water sports would be doing the butterfly stroke.

Albert went first

Then Gigih( watch for 3:11 when his face smashes into the tube and at the end when he flips over)

3 days later and his arms still hurt. You know nothings gonna happen if you let go, you just bob along in the water, but when you're going that fast(it doesnt seem like it but it is), you want to hold on for dear life.

But you cant hold on forever.

As luck would have it, he managed to get a shot at Gigih being airborne

Not bad for a busted LCD.

He has never done anything this adrenaline pumping before, EVER.

With all that out of the way, all he is left with is a strange concoction of mixed emotions about having to leave this place. On one hand it would be great to get back home, watch football again, see the old buggers again; but on the other hand he hates to leave this place, its so relaxed and easy going here, you dont have anything to do, any place to be, no schedules to stick to, just being able to do whatever you want whenever you want to do it. Just for this brief 6 months he gets to experience REAL freedom, without any guilt-ridden choices about being irresponsible and all that crap.

But all good things must come to an end it seems, and all thats left now is to pack up, go home, and get back to Form 6.

There shouldnt be a reason why he should want to go back to form 6, being a month behind being the chief reason, plus form 6 just some how reeks of lameness. Yet its nice to know that he's going back to familiar territory, which goes a long way to helping him fit back in. Which is also strange because he's been living there all his life, fitting in shouldnt be a problem, but when you know what you're missing, having to reconcile yourself with the fact that you're a mouse in a wheel again, makes it alot more difficult to even want to fit back in.

Then again, finally being able to watch football again, and gorging on roti canai and chicken curry with milo ice, damn, its worth forgetting about paradise for. Never shall he take Malaysian food for granted again, NEVER.

Plus, he remembers longing for the time he will get back with his crazy bunch of AFS-ers when they parted ways, and now it will be only a week form now that they will be finally reunited, he cant help but feel that getting the heck outta here cant happen any faster. 3 days in DC, and 3 days in Malaysia again. Gosh he loves those guys.

So what now? All thats left is the farewell parties, and the movie dates with friends, and yadayadayda, the 6 month adventure comes to an end.

Where does the time go?

2008-06-05T00:34:00.042-05:00

Roadtrip

As you would probably realize, our adventurer in America wouldnt be embarking on much of a adventure if he were to be stuck in N Dakota. Hence the trip 2359 miles(3796km) away to Anderson, Indiana.

DAY 1- Starkweather, N.Dakota -> Duluth, Minnesota(379 miles/610 km)

They left by 8:30 and were accompanied by overcast weather along the way, the rain holding out barely an hour before coming down in a heavy drizzle. After going through the city of Grand Forks and coming into Minnesota, they had a brief Subway lunch at Crookston before heading out again.

The first real indication that they were leaving the prairie land and going into the pines of Minnesota:

Pine trees. Which is a welcome relief. Anything but flat land.

Their first stop was in Bemidji, the first city on the Mississippi. Here they encountered the legend of Paul Bunyan,

an older version of ridiculously exaggerated legends, before America had Chuck Norris:

"Paul is said to have dug and built Niagara Falls for a shower bath and he dug Lake Superior as a watering trough for babe, his blue ox. Paul could cut down acres of timber single handed, in a few minutes, by tying his axe to the end of a long rope and swing it in circles,"- among his modest achievements.

These allegedly, are his nail clippings.

Maybe 100 years down the road it will be a Chuck Norris statue instead and another exchange student will blog about Chuck's over sized nail clippings while slipping another prediction of another larger than life character with immortalised nail clippings too, while of course weighing the odds of another exchange student making the same astute observations a 100 years after him. Just remember, you heard it here first.

After some souvenir shopping,they hit the road again, covering 379 miles since leaving Starkweather to their first pit stop-The harbour city of Duluth, Minnesota.

Checked into The Suites Hotel

the room

Dinner at the bar

DAY 2-Duluth, Minnesota -> St Ignace, Michigan(427 miles/687 km)

the view from the hotel in the morning

They woke up the next day to a cold morning and after the complimentary breakfast and checking out, they toured the city of Duluth.

Down town

By the lakeside

yes that right, not an ocean but a lake, after all, it is called one of the "great" lakes.

sidewalk by the lake(deserves special mention for being a great picture)

After a cold windy morning in Duluth, they were on the road once more, heading to Wisconsin. Going down highway 2 that slithered along the border of Wisconsin-Michigan took them into Wisconsin, onto Michigan, into Wisconsin again, and finally back onto Michigan. They stopped at Ashley, Wisconsin for lunch and headed out on the 7 hour drive to Mackinac City. Notwithstanding a brief stop at the Wisconsin visitor stop and Walmart, it was a nonstop journey towards the east crossing timezones entering into eastern time(which is an hour ahead) .

Not being able to make it to Mackinac City by 10 pm, they settled into Quality Inn

The room

It was right before the Mackinac bridge

that takes them into the city, making St Ignace their final stop of day 2.

DAY 3 St Ignace, Michigan->Shipshewana, Indiana(356 miles/573km)

The next morning, after the usual complimentary breakfast and checking out, they were greeted outside by foggy weather

on the Mackinac bridge

how it would look like on a clear day

and with a professional photographer

They were out of the fog soon, but worse weather followed them on their way south. It seems the rain that was following them from N Dakota finally caught up with them again on the way to Indiana. They stopped for lunch in a slightly more upscale restaurant-Ruby Tuesday, along with other business men and business like men. Good thing David's footing the bill.

They soon were back on the road for the rest of the long journey to the midpoint of their roadtrip, a town famous for its Amish community called Shipshewana. After crossing the border into Indiana:

the camera just happened to only get the "Indian" part, really.

the first sign of Amish society

the rain disappeared and all that was left was pseudo-Malaysian weather-HOT AND HUMID

Albert found it difficult to adjust to the humidity and heat after having all that nice warm, dry weather up north in Starkweather, just wait till he gets back to Malaysia.

Eventually, they arrived at

by the evening

and booked a cabin for a night

After a little one on one footie with Gigih, from which Albert had sweat more than he ever had the past 6 months(thanks to the humidity), a cold shower and they were off for a truly Amish meal at The Blue Gate Restaurant.

It truly is horrible how they milk the Amish for their commercial value.

Nevertheless the food was great, and trying to guess who was REALLY Amish and who was just wearing the uniform was great entertainment.

After stuffing themselves silly, it was time for a tour of the pretty little town of Shipshewana on the horse-driven buggy

It being the late evening made it perfect for touring the town, as it was much cooler that it is the rest of the day. Not to mention having a semi Amish tour guide who was quite informative, especially the part where he made it clear that there are different degrees of being Amish. So you see, as easy as it is to stereotype them, the Amish community is far to diverse for such crude oversimplifications. The beginning of the many revelations Albert was about to receive on the Amish.
All this on a buggy ride

The average Amish neighbourhood doesnt differ much from the rest of the population, except for the fact that they have a horse fenced in their backyard

They pretty much fit seamlessly into modern society while maintaining their own ways, fitting seamlessly of course overlooks the occasional horseshit. Nevertheless it seems that the Amish has no probably navigating to and from the modern world(or the English as they call it) to their community

Being the tourist trap that it is, naturally Shipshewana would be a very well manicured & pedicured town

And so they scratched the surface of who the Amish really are by the evening

and retired to their cabin

Without Internet access or television, the 3 of them played Bluff or better known as hors-uh-bullshit.

DAY 4 Shipshewana, Indiana -> Anderson, Indiana (153 miles/246km)

They woke up the next morning to their humble cabin, realising there will be no complimentary breakfast, weather reports on tv or a nice hot shower, they packed much quickly and left the cabin for breakfast in Shipshewana.

Breakfast in "Only by Grace"

This is an interesting picture juxtaposing Gigih(representing Islam) and the name of the store(Only by Grace) which is the chief point at which Christianity(represented by the Amish dude on the computer) and Islam differ. Its all in the interpretation baby.

You are probably wondering what is an Amish doing with a computer, but you see, thats the thing, the Modern Amish have come to a compromise between the rest of the world and itself, apparently they are allowed to use certain technology(some of them have cellphones) as long as it doesnt interfere with their philosophies. Its all in the interpretation baby.

After that they headed for a tour of Amish life at the Amish Acres.

A wagon tour to be specific

One way the Amish preserve their food is by drying it-the Dryer

the Amish dining room

Amish kitchen

Soap Making

Of course, this is all ancient Amish. Now they just buy the stuff they need.

They also learnt how an Amish farm would operate without modern equipment, which is interesting because just because they resist the evolution of technology, doenst mean the microevolution of their own technology doesnt exist. For example, the world today does not improve on the bicycle, simply because of all the other methods of transportation that are superior to it. But for the Amish, the bicycle is as good as it gets(asuming that horse driven buggies are a step backward), so they do what they can to improve on it, resulting in

a bicycle modified for comfort, stability, and commuting longer distances.
They do have fridges and lighting, its just that it is gas powered. So you see, it isnt really a static society, they change just like the rest of society, just that they do it at their own pace and according to their own rules. Another interesting thing Albert learnt was that at the age of 16-18 Amish teenagers(you probably wouldnt associate the Amish and teenagers) get to do whatever they want, go out to the world and decide whether they want to remain Amish. Most of them do.

After lunch, they headed to Menno-Hof,

a non profit centre that allows visitors to explore Anabaptist(the denomnation of the Amish) history and lifestyle through multimedia presentations and experiential displays. It was sort of like a interactive, multimedia museum.

Starting in a 16th century courtyard where Anabaptism began.
Then exploring a dungeon where early Anabaptists were prosecuted for their faith

Boarding a 17th-century ship on a journey to America and freedom

And learning about Mennonites(a splinter group in the denomination) and Amish today

And so with a new found appreciation for the Amish, the 3 of them finally got around to driving to Sarah's place in Anderson, Indiana.

A comparatively short drive later,

they reached Sarah's place, THE DESTINATION.

They unloaded, had dinner, exchanged pleasentries

and retired to bed.

DAY 5
This time, they had their complimentary breakfast, courtesy of Sarah. And surprise surprise, it was raining. Nevertheless they made it to the Museum

Where Albert managed a audacious heist, stealing a couple of pictures from the museum
of American Indian and Western(this is the closest thing to authentic American culture anyway) Art.

The western

And the Native American

Everything from simple, mundane stuff like clothes washing

to the weird abstract art

this was specially endearing, it is a 2 storey high totem pole carved to depict the twin tragedies of having a monster invade the land and having a mother-in-law.

After a quick lunch at the cafe in the Museum

they headed out to Connor Prairie, which was suppose to have an outdoor history museum, where the 19th century America is suppose to come to life, with actual people all. But they couldnt do that on account of the rain so instead they toured the inside, saw a couple of musical presentations, and left. After a brief stop at Barnes & Noble(bookstore) they were back at Sarah's place for dinner, where they spent their last night in Indiana.

DAY 6-Anderson, Indiana->Wisconsin Dells, Wisconsin(402 miles/647km)

The next morning, they packed their things, said their good byes, and headed out to the Wisconsin Dells. A typical tourist trap with tons of amusement parks, and water parks but originally famous for its hauntingly beautiful and teetering sandstone bluffs along the Wisconsin River.

On the way, they stopped at the capitol of Wisconsin, Madison, just to see its capitol building and the beautiful surrounding park.

Caught a squirrel biting away on a nut of some sort in the park,

Then, it started to rain.

It got so heavy on the way to the Dells limiting visibility badly, that they had to pull over at a nearby McD for an early dinner. It seems as though bad weather is just out to get them. Not just bad, disaster bad, what with the turnado hitting Indiana just after they left, and now all this rain. Then further bad luck ensued as the LCD screen of his camera somehow got busted, so from this point on he just blindly points and shoot, so the pictures didnt exactly turn out great from this point on.
Finally reaching town, it looks like night but really it would be bright as day if not for the rain.

checked into a motel

and since there was nothing to do outdoors, they went to the cinema

they watched Indiana Jones. Its just unbelievable, granddaddy Harrison Ford is still doing action movies.
They rain had subsided by the time they were back at the motel, and they went to bed hoping for better weather tomorrow.

Day 7-Wisconsin Dells, Wisconsin->Minneapolis, Minnesota(216miles/348km)

Thankfully the next morning they had good weather, and so they decided to take the boat tour on to see the REAL reason Wisconsin Dells is famous.
After breakfast at Denny's

they got started

a witty tour guide

and picturesque scenery

Looks like the rocks are kissing, with the mouth like formations on both sides

Not bad for blind shots.

This is the famous "Stand Rock"

Where this famous picture was taken

When Bennett took this photo of his son Ashley leaping through the air to the top of a rocky tower called Stand Rock, he made photographic history. Using a rubber band-powered shutter he dubbed "the Snapper," Bennett had become a pioneer in stop-action photography. The year was 1886, and the fledgling art and science of photography had become forever changed

They toured the city a little

and had their last meal in the Dells overlooking the River

And they were on their way to Minneapolis,

which will be the closest thing as Albert will get to New York

On the way, they stopped by at St Paul, the capitol of Minnesota to see what this capitol building looks like.

and they came to the conclusion that it all looks similar.

then they were on their way to the city

and checked into the high class Marriott Hotel

good thing David's paying.

Who needs LCD screens when the powers of estimation prove enough to capture a picture like that, not bad eh?

The lobby

the room

Just to illustrate a point, bottled water in this swanky, upscale hotel is $6. Thats Rm18 for water. Not just any water, its FIJI water, flown directly from Fiji, "harvested" from pollutant free clouds far, far away from the filth that the general population get their water from.

But it does have a good view of the city

After a little snack for dinner they toured the big city

a black dude came up to them and asked "do you guys have the time?" Only later did they realize that that was pimp code for "are you guys interested in prostitutes?" That was a real eye opener. Other than that, the city is a great place to be, just not at night. Unless of course you dont mind solicitation.

Back at the hotel, they found out that the pricier the hotel, the more they charge you for everything. Albert turned on the tv, and in no time at all he found himself being charged $13 to watch 10 000 BC. It was a good movie, but still, good thing David's paying.

Day 8-Minneapolis, Minnesota->Starkweather, ND(426miles/689km)

Finally, it was the last day of their trip. In 12 hours time they will be back home after a week long trip. But before that, they were to stop at the Mall of America, which was supposed to be on of the biggest malls around.

They had no complimentary breakfast here, so they headed straight to the mall for a McD Breakfast. By the way, the portions in Malaysian McDs are alot more generous.

the powers of estimation dont always work out well.
there was a theme park with a huge Lego store right in the centre

Believe it or not, this is the actual clothes worn by Tom Hanks in Forrest Gump when he was waiting for the bus.

After some window shopping with minimal actual shopping, they were on their way home.

Another great shot taken on the way

A busted LCD screen isnt that big of problem really.

A little detour to Carol's place(David's sister) for a little visit(here visit can mean both going somewhere to meet someone or talking to someone) before heading home, passing Fargo, Devils Lake and finally

home sweet home(the tone of finality was not intended).

2008-06-01T21:25:00.010-05:00

Fire in the hole

When you mention North Dakota to someone, even the average American, you'd be lucky to elicit any response that even vaguely alludes to the fact that North Dakota is in fact an American state. People know South Dakota(that's where Mount Rushmore is), but not North Dakota. Little do people know, that if North Dakota were to secede from the US, it would be the 3rd largest nuclear power in the world. Yeah, take that carved faces on a mountain.

In fact,

the orange dots surrounding the box that is the town Albert lives in, are missile silos.

These missiles are called "minutemen", referring to an American militia that were famed to be able to form an attack in a minute. Like its namesake, these missiles too are able to launch within a minute of hitting the "big red button". In fact, it takes only 12 minutes from launch to hit its intended target-Russia(or the Soviet Union, keeping to the Cold War theme). The current Minuteman force consists of 500 Minuteman-III missiles in missile silos around F.E. Warren Air Force Base, Wyoming; Malmstrom Air Force Base, Montana; and Minot Air Force Base, North Dakota.

Upon closer inspection on those orange dots surrounding the town of Starkweather, you will see

this rectangular shape which is the exact same thing you will see for all the missile silos.

He hasn't seen one personally, but this is what it looks like inside the silo,

Outside the silo,

and this is how it looks like when someone hits the "big red button".

And this is the last thing you will see if you are on the wrong side of a nuclear attack.

To show you how this works

As you can see, the whole missile isn't the actual nuclear warhead, most of is to facilitate the rocket propulsion(which achieve speeds of 15 000 mph or 23 times the speed of sound). The actual warheads are the tiny triangular ones you see at number 7. In the picture you see 9 war heads, but in all actuality one missile can only carry 4 max, the rest are decoys, probably to dodge anti-missiles and to increase the odds of hitting the targets.

Just to illustrate the devastation of modern nukes, the aftermath of a limited nuclear attack on say, lets see, a random country, like, say, Iran(hey, if “pre-emptive” attacks on perceived enemies which may or may not be threatening America with weapons they may or may not possess isn't justification enough for a nuclear Holocaust then what is?), would result in three million people killed by radiation in just two weeks, and 35 million people exposed to dangerous levels of cancer-causing radiation in Afghanistan, Pakistan and India. Of course, this is nothing more than plain conjecture.

And its probably best that its left that way.

Beat that you bunch of carved faces on a mountain.

2008-05-29T16:27:00.003-05:00

Getting sucked into politics

It seems today that people pick beauty contestants based on where they stand on the issues and politicians on how they look on tv. Its a little screwed up wouldnt you think?

Well getting sucked into politics is inevitable it seems, everybody wants to know what politics is like here and what he thinks about Clinton, Obama and McCain and the whole cherade that is American politics.

So this is a brief summary of the candidates and where they stand on the issues(as opposed to how they look on tv):

McCain
Strongly opposes the withrawal of troops from Iraq.
Supports the surge of US troops in Iraq
Promises to strengthen the military
Bring Osama Bin Laden to justice
Opposes opening diplomatic relations with Iran or N Korea
Plans to train and equip internal forces there that can overthrow their respective governments
Believes in low taxes
Supports tax cuts for middle class families
Opposes a woman's right to have an abortion(except in rape and incest cases)

Obama
Will remove US troops from Iraq
Will provide economic aid to Iraq based on her progress in reaching a political agreement
Calls for a global reversal on nuclear weapon reliance
Would use diplomacy to prevent Iran from obtaining nuclear weapons and eliminate N Korea's exisiting weapon programs
Will end production of nuclear weapons in the US
Will fight climate change by putting a limit on all carbon emissions
Aims to cut global warming by 80% by 2050
Willing to meet with rogue state leaders like Fidel Castro and Hugo Chavez

Clinton
Promises to bring american troops home from Iraq within the first 60 days of her administration
Proposes to set up an oil trust to distribute a share of oil profits to every Iraqi
Promises to implement the American Health Choices Plan, giving Americans a choice in health plans.

None of the 3 is the solution to America's problems, so Americans are screwed either way really. He's happy he doesnt have to vote for one of them, one will milk America dry to go to war, one is full of textbook ideals, and the other tells Americans whatever they want to hear.

Nevertheless the joy is shortlived, he may not have to take part in the voting process, but apparently he has to lobby for something in Congress. He just got an email from AFS saying that he and his fellow students under the YES program in North Dakota will be meeting their congressional representatives in Washington DC, come July 2nd. Not many YES exchange students are placed in North Dakota, just himself, Gigih and this guy from the Phillipines, Ryan.

Just so you understand whats going on here, the US State department sponsers around 300 students all over the world to come to the states as exchange students, this of course, costs money. The group that decides on budgets and controls spending in the US is the Congress, they control the purse strings of the US, as well as laying down the law for Americans. Now just reflect on that statement for a little while, let the huge responsibilities of the congressman sink in. Now consider this, of the 500 men in Congress:

29 have been accused of spousal abuse

7 have been arrested for fraud

19 have been accused of writing bad checks

117 have directly or indirectly bankrupted at least 2 businesses

3 have done time for assault

71 cannot get a credit card due to bad credit

14 have been arrested on drug-related charges

8 have been arrested for shoplifting

21 are currently defendants in lawsuits

84 have been arrested for drunk driving in the last year

Yeah. Thats right.

Of these 500 men, Albert, Gigih and Ryan will have to meet one of these guys and convince him that Congress should continue support for the funding of the YES program, and secure his vote. Lets just hope this congressman is one of the good guys.

2008-05-27T13:16:00.004-05:00

Graduation.

The end of the line for formal instruction, graduation day is when society looks at her well groomed offspring, all ready to go out into the world armed with information that would be of no real use, but nonetheless it is considered an achievement to have completed high school here.

Of course back in Malaysia, the education system is such that anyone can advance to the next grade, and completion of secondary education lies solely on whether one is able to pass BM. So schools that still go on to take up the whole Graduation Charade back home anyway would be stopping short of down right stupidity. America does it better anyway.

Only 6 graduated from Starkweather High,

which makes it seem more of an achievement, but the reality is that is all the Seniors there are in the school. Nevertheless, its celebrated with all the pomp(a band, a choir and a full-blown ceremony)

that the bigger schools attach to their graduation ceremonies. Why all the unnecessary cynicism you ask? Well maybe its got to do with the Valedictorian having trouble remembering the year America got her Independence, but hey, she's hot. That makes it all OK. Looks always trumps smarts. In fact both the Salutatorian and the Valedictorian are hot, so its all alright. Nobody's complaining.

So after the speeches and the presentation of awards, the thing was over with and all of the grads had a grad party at the same time and expected everyone to come to all of it. He and Gigih made it 3 of the open houses, of which Carrie's was the best.

It was on this day that most of the kids at school realized that this might just be the last time they will ever see the "exchange students" and suddenly girls you barely know came up to you and hugged you(again, nobody's complaining), people promised to hang out, and everybody says they will miss you. Gosh, it seems like the less you know people, the more they miss you. He promises them he will come back and visit in the future, but he admits that its just something you say in this kind of situation.

To be completely honest, he's too eager to get back to miss this place too much, sure he will miss the rolling plains, the miles of open space, the quiet and basically everything that is opposite of the downsides of living in a city, but he will be looking forward to meeting up with his fellow afs-ers, getting back together with the old ss17 gang, and FORM 6. Nevertheless, he still has much to do here what with a month left, which will be packed with an impending road trip down to Indiana, a camping trip, and numerous outings with friends who "want to do something before you go", he will hardly have time to do anything other than enjoy himself.

2008-05-21T23:25:00.008-05:00

Heels aren't the only thing she isn't wearing

To tell you the truth, Albert thought long and hard about the title for this post. Then he took a closer look at the picture of her in the previous posts

Well he's sure you can tell that some heavy thinking was going on prior to this post being written, its become sort of a trend here that sexual innuendos precede the heavy topics, but hey, before we get to that, Albert is gonna bitch about the weather.

Looks like, at the rate the North Dakota's weather is going, we aren't even going to have summer, its going to be spring, then fall and then winter. Its been one month since spring began, but we have had subzero temperatures(it maybe only in the nights and mornings but it still isn't acceptable), thanks to the unusually cold winter, which delayed spring and hence summer will be late too. But finally it actually is beginning to look like spring,

The Darling Buds of May

and not a moment too soon.

School ended today. That too not a moment too soon. Sure he'll miss the pretty faces, but the extra hours of sleep are totally worth it. Yes school's out for the year and on paper, its summer break, but its going to be at least another month before the freezing nights and mornings are really gone for good.

It seems like there is this custom where before school is out there's a field trip, this time it was to golf. Albert of course didn't expect a golf course within a hundred mile radius of this farming community, but this place just keeps throwing him curve balls. Who would've guessed that 15 minutes away was the Cando Golf course?

Albert never liked golf. Its one of the only spectator sport where players are only really competing with themselves with zero interaction between players. If they got to go at each other with their clubs or the club car it would be an entirely different story. But no. It remains as THE most boring sport out there. Albert found it especially frustrating.
Of course you have people that were good at it,

and those that don't necessarily fall into that category,

Over the course of 7 holes Albert lost 4 balls and sank 2 of them, racking up a score of 75. Not too bad. Ok, so it was pretty bad, he never liked it anyway. Nonetheless the golf course was picturesque.

but it sure as hell would've been nice if he could've rode on those little cars.

After that he went to a magic show, nothing much worth talking about, the usual sawing a person in half, escaping from apparently imminent death, a motorbike disappearing in mid air only for the guy to ride in from the side. The usual stuff. The only things he didn't expect was bumping into his prom date there. Then he wondered, how things were aligned for them to cross paths. Its strange isn't it? Under normal circumstances he should have never known her or the rest of the exchange students in the area

Spot the mystery woman

Its times like this that truly tests one's faith in utter coincidences, and makes one wonder about fate. Now believing in fate is the easy part. Its being sensible that's the hard part. Elementary reasoning will tell you that you are always directly or indirectly influencing what happens or will happen to you. Although, Albert will readily admit that sometimes it seems as though God has a twisted sense of humour. Like how Chelsea made it to the Final only after Jose leaves only for Roman to watch arch rivals Man Utd steal the trophy in his own backyard in Moscow. Where is the justice in that? But again, if Terry scored that penalty kick it would've been a fairytale ending. The influence of a single person changes EVERYTHING.

Case in point: had that idiot not shot the heir to the Austro-Hungarian throne, there might not have been WW1, and consequently WW2 would not have happened, the Atomic bomb probably would have never have been built, and a future nuclear holocaust might just have been thwarted. Just imagine if his gun had jammed on him that day.

Albert isn't saying what he does or does not do might influence the outcome of the human race, because he personally isn't interested in the human race unless it affects him. The question is, what will he do next that will completely and utterly change the course of his life? The prospect of having every power of deciding one's own fate is both a comforting yet terrifying thought.

Its like going back in time from a position where you are everything you wanted to be, and having to retrace your steps back to that ideal you know you will achieve. But the only thing is that one cannot deviate in any way from that predetermined path, to do so might result in a Butterfly effect, throwing you completely off that path and ending up being another pencil pusher in a cubicle. Or set off WW3.

The problem wouldn't be half as bad if Albert knew what the predetermined path was to his future ideal. Hell he doesn't even know what his future ideal is. Which decisions to make, which will come back to screw him from behind, which will end his life prematurely, which will get him married, which will see him covering major sporting events or end up with covering the obituaries, damn it would be convenient if someone had the answers to everything. All except for what she isn't wearing, no prizes for that answer.

2008-05-18T23:54:00.002-05:00

Considering he will be on tv soon, Albert is starting to take seriously what he says during filming. So dont be surprised to see him ripping stuff straight out of this video(its a little boring but it has a cool ending):

2008-05-11T18:15:00.015-05:00

Prom Night

Alright, so it wasn't a drunken night of debauchery or the flaunting of affluence, assuming exaggerated expenses, a pursuit of vanity for vanity's sake, financial decadence or an orgy of consumption that entails abandoning the pretense to policing sex/booze/drugs, sustained over the years by parents, kids, and school administrators. It was after all, the Prom night in a small town called Starkweather.

Albert was admittedly a little apprehensive about going to the whole Prom thing, but all it really takes is a gorgeous German exchange student for a date to change his mind:

Besides, he put too much effort in helping the juniors with prom to miss it.
That's Julia Kreiss by the way. And that's Albert's brooding look of contemplation.

And so it was that Albert and Gigih decided to go to Starkweather's "cute" little prom(as Julia puts it).

Never underestimate the American tradition, sometimes when there is the superficial practice of American culture, most people don't really give Americans credit for their own distinctive culture that they have evolved into, which is very much different from how its adopted in Malaysia. Quite unlike the "fake" Proms in Malaysia, Americans here take Prom VERY SERIOUSLY.

First off, after everyone was dressed, the girls stuck this flower(its actually called a "corsage") on left side of the guys suit and the guys fitted a duplicate around the left arm of his date. Its just something they do here.

Then they had the formal candlelit dinner at David's place:

Served and waited on by Chef David:

Albert felt incredibly out of place in this prim and proper setting, but managed to adhere to table manners(everything from setting the napkin on his lap to the nonsensical ones like filling up his plate from the top right corner). He even managed a little small talk. Its amazing what human capabilities can achieve when it's stretched far enough.

A little camwhoring followed naturally

Iris(Swiss exchange student), Gigih, me and Julia

With the pre-prom formalities complete, David chauffeured them to Starkweather High, where they were among the earliest couples there. The girls, coming from a big school and having a big, generic like prom thought the small, exclusive setting of Starkweather's little prom was cute and real pretty. Albert wasn't a big fan of the theme: Dreaming in Pink, but it turned out to be unexpectedly good, with all the understated elegance and innocence, it simply gave you this tingly feeling of niceness.

The result of the Juniors hard work

They exchanged pleasantries with the other early couples, the usual "wow, nice dress!" or "nice suit", but if you listen closely, don't be surprised to hear the faint whispers of "I swear she wore the same dress last year!"

The photo shoot followed, there was a nice little set where the couples(Albert&Julia included) held each other in an embrace and smiled for the camera. Then of course, more socializing as they waited for the Grand March.

Carly and her older sis Kori(whose dress is begging for a wardrobe malfunction)

Richard & Robyn

A devilish looking Carrie

Joey&Nick(the walmart boys) Kevin, Andrew

After the countless introductions of their respective dates, the Grand March finally began. The principal announced the names of the couples, "Julia Kreiss escorted by Albert Krishna", and the couples strutted down from separate paths and met in the center, locked arms, posed and had their picture taken by the crowd. This was repeated by the 29 other couples, and FINALLY, after all the formalities complete, the dance floor opened.

dance floor

there definitely wasn't any waltz-ing

And so they danced the night away, all 3 hours of it, even uptight Gigih was forced to have fun almost against his will, but damn it, he was going to enjoy it whether he liked it or not. There were slow songs, where you and your partner held each other in the hip-shoulder pose, and just sway slowly with the music. Through what must have been Divine intervention, Albert did not trample on anyones toes, nope, not once in the 5 slow dances. Then of course you have a the staple club music where everyone just goes crazy. There also was the macarena, which Albert learnt to do on the spot, Thriller popped up outta nowhere, a couple of country songs and of course, soulja boy. If anything, there was variety.

What must have been the fastest 3 hours of his life, prom winded down to the last song around 1 am, and Albert and Gigih and their dates decided to call it a night,summoning the chauffeur who drove them back to their respective homes. Of course, the night wouldn't be complete without the last bit of a Prom custom, the girls took off their guarder(its this thing they wear above their knees) and handed it to the guys-

now that's one hell of a souvenir for one hell of a night.

2008-05-04T12:23:00.009-05:00

Our own little documentary

Albert stumbled upon this video not too long ago made by one of his talented fellow AFS-ers, this guy(Farhan) is a genius:

2008-04-06T17:01:00.028-05:00

Spring time
Somewhere along the way, promised daily posts, the usual weekly posts, and the occasional fortnightly posts have now turned into monthly posts. Albert offers his apologies. But now, the frozen streams are starting to thaw(hopefully the same goes for his creative juices) heralding the coming of spring, which it seems, is an eternity late. Even then She takes her own sweet time, slowly, gradually melting the snow away

3 months later

well sure, when you look at it like that it doesn't seem quite so long. But really, Albert has had enough of snow. Sure, living in a tropical country, you wouldn't mind looking out your window to this

but braving the -40 c cold

is a whole different aspect of yours(and Albert's) dream of snow. The conclusion he has reached after going through what officially is one of America's coldest and worst winter: Its no more than ice. No love lost there between him and snow, and good riddance to winter, and HELLO SPRING! Well since Albert owes you around 15 blog posts that should be up by now, he will instead give you a pictorial of his experiences so far(hey, a picture is worth a thousand words), besides, theres no way he's going to sit through 15 posts worth of writing. First of, David's place, where Albert lives:

it looks small from the outside, but its actually quite spacious on the inside, with a basement that has a mini kitchen/workshop, laundry room, bedroom, and a entertainment room. The 1st floor is the usual kitchen, living room, dining room, Albert's room with an adjoining bathroom:

excuse the mess. Then the upstairs has another bathroom with a bathtub, David's room, Gigih's room, and the computer room where there's hidden stairs leading up to the attic room which is another room in itself. Looking at the house, nobody would think it contains 5 rooms and 4 floors. Then there is Starkweather High,where Albert "socialized" with his fellow seniors

He will leave Gigih for the official introduction to Starkweather High. Everyone, this is Gigih:

With half the "vacation" gone, and spending more than 30 hours on the road driving

(there really isn't any public transport here) its fair to say that he's been here, there, and everywhere Highway 20 can take them to. Here's a recap of everything he has done so far:
Going to a casino for the first time

Going to a sleepover(1st timer)

Cheering the school basketball team at regional competitions

Giving a presentation of Malaysia in a college in front of lecturers and students

Watched one of the best American hockey teams play

Went skiing

the orchestra

Hanging out in a farm

Visiting world famous hunter John Beckstrand's home

who was invited for dinner with 2 different American presidents(he rejected, TWICE), apparently, he was too busy.
going to the rodeo

going ice fishing

and just yesterday, the museum

With the temperatures regularly at 10c, and slowly climbing, he can finally go outside with just a T shirt and shorts, which goes to show you how far he's come since he stepped off the flight that landed in North Dakota with 7 layers of clothing on. Plus now that winter is over, its gone from 10 hour's a daylight to 14 hours of daylight(which means that Americans turn their clocks one hour forward, its called Daylight Saving Time). Its an American thing, don't ask why. Spring also means sowing season, which means its time to whip out those huge machinery that have been sitting in the barn and start working on the land. Its almost as if everywhere nature is finally waking up, thousands of geese are migrating to the pond in his backyard, the streams you never knew existed is flowing by the highway, draining into the numerous bodies of water in the area. There's also ducks, eagles, prairie dogs, deer, rabbits and other animals that are starting to appear. Totally different from the iceland that it was for the past 3 months. Forget winter, Spring is THE season.

2008-02-23T00:41:00.003-06:00

One month of criminal negligence.

Theres something about living in a super small town on the other side of the world that makes it so difficult to blog.

Not that theres nothing happening, he was invited to a college to give a talk about Malaysia(Tourism Malaysia's powerpoint slides are a lifesaver), been to a casino, gone to a wildlife conservation park, had a sleepover/Halo 3 party, played in a volleyball tournement, been cross-country skiing, watched one of the best hockey teams in the USA play a thrilling, televised match in front of tens of thousands of fans LIVE, watched a lunar eclipse, and finally, to top off the 1/6th slice of his American Adventure, watched Lost season 4 before Malaysians get it on TV. Not bad for one month. What did you do this past month?

But even as Albert is half way around the world, he still cant help but get pre-SPM Results jitters. It could be out as early as next week. All those painfull, repressed memories of questions left unanswered or just simply answered wrong, start coming up the surface ripping right through the layers of comfort and security of having actually getting over with SPM. All thats left is how well he "got over it". Maybe its a good thing he's half a world from his parents.

Then again theres nothing much Albert can do right now, so, its best that he just enjoy his stay here and simply not to think about it too much. He'll be happy with 7A's. But not 6, its just not acceptable but then again on the other end 10 would be somewhat overly ambitious eventhough getting 10 A1 these days isnt a big deal anymore what more(or less?) 9,8 or 7 A's? Ok stop. Albert is on a holiday, a nice 6 month holiday which he is obligated to himself to enjoy to the fullest.

For God's sake he's turning 18 tomorrow and the last thing he should be doing is worrying about something that hasnt even happened yet. He should be celebrating his 18th birthday since he is now legally an ADULT. Dude, under 18 doesnt apply to you anymore, you are eternally emancipated from childhood, you have reached the Holy Grail of every kid who ever wished they could grow up(plus you dont need to lie about your age anymore when signing up on those overly cautious sites): YOU ARE 18 ALBERT.

It feels weird. Right now Albert is an hour and 14 minutes into legal adulthood and, to sum it up, it feels weird. He's been subconciously been waiting for this day but the unforeseen circumstances just makes things feel....weird. Its going to take some getting used to, you know, being 18. It sort of just sneaked up on him, one minute he is the average 17 year old teenager then WHAM! He's 18.

Well he isnt particularly fond of celebrations especially if its about him so all he'll do is go to a concert, have a nice dinner, worry some more and retire to bed. Thats what happens to you when you become an adult.

2008-01-22T17:59:00.000-06:00

Wow

Wow. Everything has just happened so fast that Albert has hardly been able to understand the full gravity of this situation that he has found himself in. No. This is far beyond the time he almost dislocated his brother's chin with the coffee table. No. This is far beyond the first time he sat for an Add math test. No. This is far beyond the time he got kidnapped for looking like a criminal. No. This is far beyond the time the received the tissue with a lover's words strewn all over it in bad grammar which he mistakenly shrugged off as a joke which turned out to be all too frighteningly(and embarrassingly) real. No. Well maybe not way beyond for the last 2, but still,

WOW.

About a year ago, he filled out a preliminary form to join the program which he thought would never happen. Fast forward to now, he is sitting in front of a computer, with a faster Internet connection than all you suckers in Malaysia, in a small double storey plus basement house, on a farm, in a small town called Starkweather, in North Dakota, IN THE U, S OF A !!

Well, one of the biggest things that hit you(and hit you very hard), is the WEATHER. Usually when its -20 here, you consider yourself lucky. Simply because the temperature can very well dip to -30 or more, then, and only then, can the weather be considered "cold". But its not too bad really, Albert has acclimatised to it, as long as he has his 3 inch thick winter coat, he'll be fine outside(for about 10 minutes or soo, after that icicles start forming). But if you stay INSIDE, then theres nothing to worry about, in only gets chilly when its -30 c or colder(of course in case of the usual blizzard, theres a nice little basement to shelter in). So its all good.

But hey, snow comes with a price right? Not to mention ice skiing which he tried out yesterday, and after almost twisting his ankles and being buried in snow, he actually was skiing for a whole 5 seconds before falling. Not bad for a beginner. Close to bad but not there yet. Theres still snow mobiling and ice fishing still to come.

He also saw REAL snow actually falling from the sky, which wasn't as magical as he thought it would be, but in all fairness it was a very light one, so he's still waiting for some proper North Dakota snowfall(or blizzard, which ever comes first).

Then theres school. At first he really was anything but impressed because its was soo small it made SMK SS17 look massive. From grades 1 to 12 theres only 95 students. It was a small town anyway. But on the flip side everybody knows you and you know everybody here because they practically see each other in every class. The "see" part needs to be emphasized here because, surprise, surprise, there are quite a few blond bombshells here, and they are so friendly! How often do you get goodlooking blonds that aren't a b@#$! eh? They sure make up for quantity with the quality. The school itself is not too bad either, there's free lunch(which is great because at least if the food sucks, at least you know you didn't pay for it, which is what happens a lot of times in SMKSS17's canteen). The food here by the way, is much better that the usual school canteen fare back home. Nevertheless theres nothing that readily available salt and pepper cant fix when it comes to American food.

Ah, and his new family. His host family.His host dad, a 62 year old bachelor, Mr David Ericstad, and his host brother, Gigih(another exchange student from Indonesia) are a real sweet deal. David's only rule is that all rules are negotiable(if only all parents were like that). But he really has been very nice, and he is a awesome cook too. Albert has had lasagna, pumpkin pie, muffins, this thing they call hotdish and a whole load of other good, delectable home cooked American food that David whips up. And Gigih, well he's been here 5 months before him, which helps make the whole adjustment process for Albert as painless as possible. Just the first week in, and Albert has already been to birthday parties, basketball games(theres an awesome girls team here) and the lot, because Gigih here is like a ticket to a social life. Where he goes, Albert goes, his friends, are Albert's friends.

Although he lives on a farm, its just crop, so theres no animals or anything like that like you'd imagine on a farm. Even then, theres nothing much to do in winter time other than staying indoors, so Albert has yet to experience the farm life yet, but he's in no hurry anyway, after all, theres a good 6 months to look forward to.

And by the looks of it, its going to be a blast.

2008-01-13T20:13:00.000-06:00

Touch Down

Well saying Albert arrived in the United States is very much easier said than done.
You try taking a 5 hour plane trip to Shanghai that ended up being a 12 hour one, and rushing through busy airports, clearing customs and immigration, getting on the same American airlines that crashed on 911, flying over the pacific with nothing more than movies you've already watched on your previous flight for entertainment, then rushing upon landing, clearing customs and immigration again, getting on another flight to Washington DC and moving around having the handle broken off your 20 kg luggage which you had to drag around thanks to the guys that check your luggage.

But yeah, he's now in the United States.

There was an orientation in DC with the other 40 students that traveled with him and they got to visit the Washington Monument(the white pointed tall building you always see on TV), the Lincoln Memorial and the Capitol building. In between there was an interview with the the 8tv people and many other moments that were caught on camera which will probably make it to your TV come the end of July if it survives the censors.

The funny thing was before everyone left for their respective host families, a lot of them cried and hugged each other and you would have got this feeling that everybody would have rather stayed together throughout their 6 month stay rather than split up the way the acted. Even those that put up a brave face had dampened spirits. All this even when the have only spent 10 days together throughout the interviews, camps and orientations that they did together. Strange how fast they bonded together. The last couple of days especially for Albert as he shared a room with Daniel(that British Malay guy), Andrew and Joe(the rapper) who were absolutely hilarious. The last time he had so much fun was when he was with Boon, Tim and co in school. Sigh.

Nevertheless, they all had to split up, and there was the all too familiar promises to keep in touch which everyone agreed to do, but it was comforting to know that they will be together again before they leave the country(and hopefully even after that).

A couple of flights later(and a very nice American called John), Albert landed in Fargo, North Dakota where he was greeted with -10 c temperatures and AFS people. But he came prepared, had 7 layers of clothing on, which he soon discovered to be unnecessary, so he was all snug even with that kind of weather. He also got to see live snow for the first time. It didn't snow there though, but it will soon. He hopes.

Right now, Albert is living with his host dad and brother(an Indonesian guy who is on the same program) who have been extremely welcoming and friendly. Right now they've got a movie going, and Albert is supposed to join them. Its time to do something American anyway.

2007-12-27T22:04:00.000-06:00

4/5sc1 memorial( a compilation of all their moments in pictures only FOR THE LACK OF BETTER WORDS)

You know, they’re probably the worst best class in this school’s history. They’re probably the least liked class among teachers. They’re probably going to pull the SPM statistics to an all time low. And they’re probably going to come back and blame the teachers for it. For that, they’ll be legends of SMKSS17 folklore.

At least Albert hopes they will. Because if there’s anything worse than leaving school, it’s being forgotten. But of course, it’s going to take quite a while before THEY fade out of everyone’s consciousness. With all that he's been through with this crazy bunch of people over the past 5 years, they are people he certainly couldn't possibly forget, even if he tried. They’re a small bunch really, who mostly have been in the same class since Form 1, spending 5 hours a day in a classroom 5 days a week, for the past 5 years. So yeah, they’ve bonded, and it’ll be hard for him to imagine life without them. And so as a tribute to them(and also because Albert just can't let go), so the following will be a compilation of all their moments in pictures, simply FOR THE LACK OF BETTER WORDS, because some things just can't be said(or typed).

How could he forget the fearless(shameless) valiant heroes, who rebelled against authority,

slept through classes,

especially those rebels without a cause, unless their cause happened to be side-splittingly, outrageously funny.

And they were really good at that.

He's got the six packs to prove it.

Or how they rallied endlessly against punishing, overwhelming, soul destroying homework.

Some of them simply choose not to do it all, which curiously worked just as well.

Or those tales of romance, of Prince Charming and his maidens,

whose love was forever, but usually expires 2 weeks later. And how Prince Charming moves on to the next, and the next, and the next, and the next damsel in distress(or anyone single).

Or the secret affairs of an unlikely couple,
much to the envy of other admirers.

Only God knows how this happened.

Or the knight in shining armour with a centre parting of which he is particularly concerned of(also don’t touch his shirt or you’ll face his wrath), whose lady is almost as important to him as his hair(touch his hair and face his wrath too). Oh how their dalliances annoy the world to no end,

but nevertheless, everyone hopes for a happy ending for them. And for everyone else's sake.

How can he forget the gorgeous ladies of 5 sc 1. From the intellectual, to the athletic, to the loud, downright narcissistically proud, to the hell hath no fury like her scorned type,

don't be fooled by her pretty face. Or her wit. Or her intelligence. Or her refreshing frankness. They just don't make women like that anymore.

And of course, the nice ones.

How he will miss her wit, or her arrogance, or all their dazzling smiles, or her cold practicality, or her wacky craziness, or her feminist ideals(as sickening as it may be) or the way you generously gave him your tie,

or the way you beat Boon Han in that Need For Speed race.

Seriously.

Ah women, what would we do without them? Or the awesome guys of 5sc1 . From the metrosexual, to the heterosexual to the others with a similar suffix.

Lets not even go there.

How can Albert forget how you diligently accumulated your “slip lewat”, breaking the record for most number of “slip lewat” along the way.

And the way you played bully, and they cheered you on.

And how you always were around the girls,especially since you were a cheerleader,

They hate to admit it, but they were probably just a little jealous……

..or not.

How will Albert forget the way they soaked each other and half the school after painting the class(and got away with it)?

Or how they skipped English and EST for debate(sure as hell was worth it)

Or how they filmed The Blair Witch Project 2 around school grounds(he's still waiting for the video). And pictures for that matter.

Oh and what about the parties?

The chicks

The dudes

The booze

The drinking

And more drinking

And eventually getting drunk(this always happens)

Then finally, stripping(its customary you see)

Of course, the food, the eating

and more eating

topped off with a little camwhoring

The weddings(actually its only one)

Of course, just because she was their (hot) tuition teacher didnt mean they ALL were always sober.

Anyone remember the Prefect's dinner they we're duped into attending? Which of course turned out to be a good thing since the "actual" prom was a disaster.

Who's that idiot in the middle? Look at Albert, on the far, far right.

There were the surprise dates

The surprise emcee

hey, thats the dude in the picture before!

The prom king that should have been.

hey, they didnt serve alcohol, just juice, right?

OK, maybe the juice was spiked.

Of course, of all the things they did together, the one thing that never failed to instigate yelling matches, pose logistical and similarly paradoxical problems, and play out the occasional drama of soap opera proportions, would be the Interact Club. Since the day Sean became president, everyone knew this was going to be an extraordinary batch of Interactors.

How they worked self-lessly for the romantics on valentines day

Slaved through the night

Well almost all of them

Working out their little, professional diferrences along the way

Transport was never a problem again(hey if clowns can do it, anyone can)

And he has to put up with them.

Poor Sean.

Of course, it wasnt easy on him either.

But for entirely different reasons thats for sure.

Of course, there were the highs

The lows

but generally more highs

Not to mention wide....her orthodontist would've been proud.

Then there were times they actually acted like science students

Made startling discoveries

(thats a foetus in his hands)

Some of them surprisingly were not cut out, and some of them surprisingly were.

Sean and his team of surgeons did Science 1 proud when they executed a flawless frog dissection(unlike another *cough* science *cough* team)

They’ve been through everything together, from their childish Form 1 years to puberty to their awkward teenage years. So fast those 5 years, it feels like just yesterday they were kids. Some of them still are. Somewhat reluctantly, they all grew up(eventually) along the years. And now, as their schooling life ends, as they discard their uniforms, they would no doubt slowly come to realize that they are now (gasp) adults (GASP!). Its quite horrifying to think that some them are actually going to be released into society, with the right to vote, and worst still drive(yes, in that order).

So this is a tribute of sorts(before its too late), to all those people, that Albert has the honour(or peril, it all depends on your perspective really) of calling his friends. To the heroes, knights, and idiots of 5 sc 1,

Albert salutes you, legends.

2007-12-13T09:53:00.000-06:00

Have I ever told you, one thing leads to another?

Now, Albert isn't absolutely familiar with the entire concept of karma, because its not just about what you see in My Name is Earl, but it also involves reincarnation among other religious stuff. But what Albert is sure is that there definitely is some sort of Devine Energy or Power if you will that the universe wields that forces a certain Balance upon us mere mortals. For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. See, even physics would lead you to the same conclusion.

This particular revelation came unto Albert as he talking to the US ambassador, after being interviewed by 8TV, surrounded by the press.

It would be the sequence of events that led to this moment, all starting with losing the Taylors semifinal debate. You see, had they won that day, they would be in the finals, which means a guaranteed scholarship or at least 50% off for any pre-u course. Consequently, Albert would have to give up his US opportunity as it clashed with the Taylors intake and the scholarship, so certainly, if he had to choose between education and the USA, he would have to pick the former.

As much as they deserved to be in the final, it felt as though it was robbed from them due to, uh, unforeseen circumstances. As such, missing out on the fruits of Albert's ass busting labour, including the glory+monetary benefits, the Powers That Be decided to even things out, you know compensate(plus Albert got NS, so this is long overdue).

Resulting in this moment, as Albert stands on the threshold of fame and stardom. That 8TV guy, from quickie, a newbie, was interviewing him with the whole crew and camera as well as the other teenage "ambassadors". And apparently, they will come in spring to the selected homes of a few of them in the program to film these exchange students, and document their life, compiling it into a series. Yes, a TV show, a SERIES. It will go on air late next year after the program is over, and fingers crossed, Albert might just be in it.

Meeting the ambassador after this seemed merely a side show. Nevertheless, it was very VIP-ish to meet the Representative of Mr Bush who was cordial and took the effort to talk to all the students. He even made it seem like they were the VIPs and not him, welcoming them for another visit, before leaving reluctantly. Albert thinks he's going to like Americans alot.

Maybe this Ambassadors of Peace thing is not too bad. He could very well get used to it.

2007-12-04T08:45:00.000-06:00

Cold Feet

Its been 61 days. Thats quite a while isn't it. Its a record actually. And what is Albert's excuse? He was studying for SPM. Somebody should really learn to get his priorities straight.

But all is right again in his world, after finishing SPM, getting through his SAT's(he now knows what space-time is all about!! + Evolution- we came from bacteria all right) and then the more mundane stuff like chinese and bible knowledge.

But now, the sweet taste or freedom, uh, tastes really good. As you can see, it takes a while to get the juices flowing. Nevertheless, he feels the compulsive need to tell you everything that is and will be happening in his life. The biggest of which is the US thing. Albert found out that he is headed to the upper midwest, thats just below Canada, North and South Dakota, Iowa and the like.

Cool. REALLY COOL. Like -14c to -30c cool. Well Albert always wanted to see snow. Make a snowball, throw it at people, run like hell, and the sort. Just that the prospect of being an Indian popcicle is rather daunting. But no worries, he's in it for the experiance alright, good or bad (or *&^%-ing cold).

He's leaving on the 9th of January, which leaves him with little over a month left in the country. It does suck to be leaving school forever, but it sucks even more leaving everybody else. When he comes back, will anyone even remember him?

Hey! Alvin right? No wait, its Adrian. Oh wait dont tell me, Alex!

Sigh.

But hey, when oppurtunity comes knocking, one has to open the door and leave. But he still has a month, one last month to eat everything that he cant get there, to see everyone that he wont be seeing, do all those things that he wouldnt be able to do there. On the flip side, he'll be getting $125 USD a month of pocket money. Its not ALL about the money, but it is a small token of appreciation for Albert's efforts at fostering world peace. Or something like that. Plus theres gonna be cable TV. American cable TV kicks Astro's ass. Yeah, karma rocks!

In the mean time however, he will be attending a Christian Youth Camp for another shot at enlightenment, after which he will have visa interviews and meetings with the US Ambassador among other trivial unimportant things. Like shopping for winter clothing.

2007-10-11T08:55:00.000-05:00

He hates uniforms

Intro: In a fictional school somewhere, the prefects rule with an iron fist. The over-efficiency of the prefects has lead to near perfect discipline on school grounds, until one day……

Scene 1 (Students going through a routine spotcheck line with a high ranking prefect and his subordinates)

GL: Sir, I cant believe it. I think you should see this yourself. (cue James Bond theme song)

A: Rebels. GL, tell me, what does the Article 18.1.5 of the Buku Panduan Pelajar say?

GL: Pengawas dilantik supaya mereka dapat berkhidmat untuk sekolah dan Negara masing-masing.

A: Then you all know what we have to do. (Prefects nod head in unison)

Scene 2

GL: Stop! Hands up! Drop it! Let me see your hands in the air! Hands in the air! Drop it!

T: Its just a schoolbag.

GL: Article 13.21- perintah pengawas mesti dipatuhi. Before you break anymore school rules, just do as I tell you!

S2: School rules? We don’t care about school rules. No one cares about them.

GL: That’s why we’re here. To enforce school rules. (students laugh in unison)

A:Your flagrant disregard of the school rules disgust me. You’re an embarrassment to our species. Look at this!(refers to a short skirt)

GL: Article 2.2- Pelajar-pelajar hendaklah memakai pinafore tidak lebih daripade 2 inci atas lutut. (measures) 2.5(FIVE!) inches. (prefects shake head in unison)

A: And look at this! ( refers to low pants)

GL: Article 1.4- Seluar pelajar tidak boleh berfasyen. (measures) 5 inches from the waist. (prefects shake head in unison)

A: Look at this! ( refers to untucked shirt)

GL: Article 1.6- Baju mesti dikancing dengan dengan kemas dan tidak boleh dipakai di luar.(measures) Every inch of his shirt isn’t tucked in. (prefects shake head in unison)

A:Look at this!(refers to black shoes)

GL: Article 4.2- Kasut getah yang lain daripada warna putih tidak dibenarkan sama sekali.. Sir, these shoes look as dark as you! (prefects shake head in unison)

A:Look at this!

GL: Article 9.8- Rambut pelajar tidak dibenarkan menggunakan “gel”.

S3: Its water-lah!

GL: Same! (prefects shake head in unison)

S4: But why should we listen to you? You’re just a prefect. (rebels join in noisily)

T: So what if she wants to show off her legs? So what if he wants to show off his boxers? So what if I want to wear my shirt outside? So what if her shoes are as dark as your face? So what if he wants to put chemicals on his hair?

S3: Its water-lah!

T:So what if we want to do whatever we want to do? Freedom of expression! Free will! Right! (rebels chime in)

T: We’re born with freewill, so what makes you think that you can take it away from us? (rebels chime in again, surrounding prefects) (cue mission impossible) …

GL: Hey look! Its Pn Rohaidahana! (rebels look back, and quickly line up) (apologetic, heads hung low, and frantically adjust their clothes)

T: Hey! What happened to freewill?(rebels proceed through the spotcheck line)

T is handcuffed and taken away to be electrocuted into submission in the all new underground Bilik Disiplin(well they aren't just building toilets you know)

Moral of the story: The moment you step into school, you trade your soul for that uniform you’re wearing. So the least you can do is wear it right. Don’t go against the school rules, you’ll never win. Ever.

S3: But its water-lah. Seriously.

2007-09-22T22:45:00.000-05:00

Uh oh. Somebody's an activist.

They never said anything. Not even in the fine print. Here he was, thinking, "I'll never get it, what are the odds anyway?"(1 in 20 actually). And so he sent in his application. Then he made it to the interview, and then he thought, " Ah, everyone gets into the interview, this is where he'll get officially rejected." Surprise, surprise, he made it to the national selection. Alright, he had a good run. Maybe it was some management screw-up. Either way, who in their right mind would give HIM a scholarship? Few weeks later, he gets the call. Albert is one of the 30 people in the whole of Malaysia selected for a fully sponsored exchange program to the United States.

You have got to be kidding. People dying to get into the program didn't get it and this guy who was half-assed about it all the while finds this whole thing falling in his lap. How do things like this happen to him?

"The Youth Exchange and Study Program(YES)is an innovative high school student exchange program funded by the US Department of State's Bureau of Educational and Cultural Affairs( sounds suspiciously like one of those fictional shady secret organizations under the CIA). This public diplomacy initiative, authorized by Congress in the aftermath of September 11, builds bridges of international understanding, especially between Americans and the people in countries with significant Muslim populations."

Odd as it may seem, the US government wants to sponsor Albert to help in promoting international understanding between Malaysia and the US. As Albert reads through the YES program leaflet(yeah,only now he wants to know what he's getting into) he realises that these people who get selected are often referred to as "young ambassadors" or " community activists" and the scariest of which " a bunch of kids who can accomplish more in a very small amount of time than a country can achieve in decades-World Peace"

Oh shit.

Albert can't do world peace! A young ambassador?! An ACTIVIST?!!

This is all crazy, in a couple of months time SPM will be over, and before he can start burning his books he'll be whisked away halfway round the world to to live with a couple of strangers for six months. And after being ogled at for 6 months he'll have his ass hauled back to Malaysia and be re-screwed by the culture shock. And since NS will take up 3 months of the remaining 6 that he will have next year, there is nothing else productive to do other than to go to Form 6.

All this in the good name of world peace.

It has happened then. His destiny is fulfilled, Albert is now, an, act...act...acti....activist.

P...Pea..Peace.

2007-09-07T10:34:00.000-05:00

September 9, 2006-2007

Anyone who's tried will tell you it wasn't easy. Motivation may get you started, but even habit sometimes wont keep you going. He never really expected it to turn out like this. One year, 3 blogs, and 36 posts later here we are, the first year anniversary of Albert's blogs.

One whole year.

One whole year of detailed documentation of Albert in a witty 3rd person perspective. Nothing more other than Albert, more Albert and more Albert. And you actually read it. You are either extremely bored most of the time or you really, really have no life. Either way thanks, it was terribly nice of you. You did a wonderful job of making Albert feel important. And noticed too, just Google "kamahlendra".

http://www.google.com.my/search?q=kamahlendra&hl=en&filter=0

You guys really are awesome. You stuck with him through all those moments of his life. The times when he was at a lost for words-

'As he was playing with his handphone, he glimpsed a pair of gorgeous legs sprouting from 3 inch heels, he looked up to see the owner of those legs. He didn't deserve the sight, but there it was, in all her glory, fitted into a tight, tiny black, glittery dress. She flashed him a smile, he looked on stupefied. Time grounded to a halt, his heart skipped a beat(maybe more), white noise filled his brain, it was as though the very spirit of every male that ever acknowledged the highest form aesthetic beauty that is the female culminated in this very moment, this blip in the fabric of time through all eternity. With such a burden on Albert's back to express this into a sentence that includes adjectives and superlatives that was due to the Godsent creature in front him, what does he say?

"I..I...you..you...look....WHOA!!!" '

Or those times when he was being a guy-

'in a prefect uniform, blazer and all, and boy, she looked hot in the short and tight skirt and small blouse. Its like how a nurse's uniform becomes all sexy in a male fantasy when in fact it really isn't, thats how she transformed the school prefect uniform into something Pn Rohaidah and Pn Chong certainly did not appreciate'

Or the times when people reacted rationally when they confused his identity with someone else-

'Barely moments later, Albert had his shirt forcefully tugged by this Indian dude over to the passenger seat of his blue wira. Albert's legs betrayed him as he followed the man over to the other side in bewilderment. The man was tense and slightly nervous as his eyes glanced the street and spoke to Albert in a hoarse whisper: " Get in the car, now!"

The car door was already open by now, and the man was even more tense and hurried. He repeated his words, but in a more threatening manner, and still Albert refused, hoping he could buy time until someone doing their daily jogging would just by chance come by, but strangely, no one came. But with every passing second, the Indian man could not risk being seen, and with a resolute threat, he looked dead in Albert's eyes, slipped his hands behind his back, and announced that he had a gun.' -ah,the wonderful people of the world.

The times he did things he wished he didn't-

'“Truth or Dare?” she asked. He picked dare, cause he would have lied his way out of Truth anyway. She thought for a while, but it was almost as though she already had it in her mind, it was quite a fantastic idea. Their eyes locked for a while, as everyone dropped silent. “Except me, pick someone of the opposite sex and kiss her. OH yeah, she has to be special." '

And the his painfully intellectual/paranoid moments-

'somehow, he thinks marriage is society’s way to trap young people to adhere to an accepted social structure whereby the building blocks starts at the family.'

And being a guy again(just better worded)-

' “ you can lose yourself, everything, all boundaries, all time, the two bodies become soo mixed up that you don’t know who’s who or what’s what, and just when the sweet confusion soo intense you think you’re going to die, and you know you kinda do, leaving you alone in your separate body, but the one you love is still there. That’s the miracle, you can go to heaven and come back alive, go back anytime you want with the one you love.” ' -With protection of course.

The incredibly optimistic times-

' " I open my eyes, and as I take my 1st conscious breath, I see magnificent golden rays of sunlight filtering through the naked windows. Nature's symphony already proceeding with the chirping of birds, far away muffled barking and late insects headed back to their lairs. The tiltating aroma of freshly brewed coffee teases my already pampered senses, as I slip out of my bed in a zen-like state. I am the picture of serenity. Peace is me, and I am peace." '

And sometimes a little overboard with the far-fetched optimism-

'Then their breakthrough in the international scene will come with their 2nd single, "Beat it", followed up by "Beat You Up" and the phenomenal success of the song "Beat-rice". Fame, fortune, and everything else falls in the laps of B.E.A.T.S. members. Also a chunk of musical history too. '

The slight dramatizations-

'7 birds of chicken. 6 kg of mutton. 5 bags of flour. 4 family members. 3 consecutive days of shopping. 2 narrating personalities. ONE MISSION: Christmas. '

The transformations(some incomplete for very good reasons)-

'Albert 2006: Normal boring prefect.
Albert 2007: Normal boring prefect + English debating zone champion + lead actor, scriptwriter, co-director of English Drama + Vocalist of a band( pending 2 upcoming gigs).'

The happy times-

'Well, they won. Albert made his debate debut, in the Taylors debate, as 1st speaker, against St. Mary's, and they won.'

And the sad ones-

'So here was Albert, drowning in post-debate depression, hoping Saturday he could eat his depressed soul out at the buffet dinner, which is some sort of consolation. Of course it would be nice if he had a friend who could give him a good pat on his back and go all : “ Come, come, its alright,” but you can’t eat your friends you see. They would’t taste good anyway.'

Discussed great conflicts in his life-

'Albert is in a dilemma. An almighty dilemma.
Well you see, he has a shirt. And the shirt has all its prints on the back. And the front is empty. Soo what does our poor protagonist do? Should he do the rightful thing and wear the shirt like he should, with the print on the back, and risk looking like an idiot wearing his shirt the wrong way?

Or, does he go against the very grains of morality and deliberately wear the shirt the wrong way, with the print on the front, so that it will seem to everyone that this bright chap here wore his shirt the right way? Although deep down inside he will know that he isn't wearing the shirt the right way, and although it may seem like he is, he REALLY ISN'T. Plus, the collar gets itchy when you wear the shirt the wrong way. '

The intense political discussions with the occasional tasteful dig-

'sakitgigi,u pergi tuang Coca-cola ke dalam lubang ccohai nenek awak,lepas itu ambil straw dan hisap minum Coca-cola cibai nenek,taruk kaki kau ke dalam dubur datuk kau dan korek berak keluar,hahahaha '

Attempting the impossible-

'They had lofty dreams of promoting Malaysian culture and fostering greater understanding between countries as young ambassadors. And somewhere along the lines, help the world attain world peace. To them, its worth it.

To Albert, well, its free what, so what the hell man'

-and succeeding. (yeah, he actually got the exchange program)

Yes, to you people out there, thank you so very much for supporting this blog. It couldn't have happened without you(well actually it could but it wouldn't be as fun).

To one year of Albert, his opinions, and hopefully many more years of this bullshit.

2007-08-19T08:16:00.001-05:00

Closer to America

Well, the American dream isn't all that hunky dory sugar and spice and everything nice. -32 C temperatures, narrow mindedness, religious ignorance, boredom(not all of them are happening people), intense homesickness, bland food, xenophobia and cliques to overcome. And yet there were 54 students who made it to the final selection who will be fighting for 30 places for the exchange program scholarship to the US for 6 months. Dumb asses.

Well Albert was one of them. They refers to the eager beavers from all walks of life, from the orang asli to the 10 race(literally) rojak jock to, erm Albert. They had lofty dreams of promoting Malaysian culture and fostering greater understanding between countries as young ambassadors. And somewhere along the lines, help the world attain world peace. To them, its worth it.

To Albert, well, its free what, so what the hell man. Plus the hotel(where they stayed overnight for the selection) food was damn nice. And the jacuzzi was pretty cool too. Naturally world peace would show up somewhere down the list. And Carishma.

Its indeed a wonder how someone(Albert) who managed to screw up the number of American states in his interview(genius answered 44) actually got past the 1st interview. Out of the 600 people, he ended up here, the top 54. Must have been his dashing good looks.

Nevertheless, here he was, in Hotel Singgahsana, for a 2 day 1 night stay for the final selection. Everything was sponsored by the American government, the stay, the breakfast, 2 lunches and dinner. The food was really good. The jacuzzi too. All FOC. Including Carishma.

The interview, was spread out throughout the 2 days, and Albert along with the rest of the Selangor batch was the last few. So while waiting for the interview, just like the 1st interview not too long ago, they had a couple of activities. From what he can remember, there was this game where you had to inter-hold each others hand(in your respective groups) in such a way that it was an insane matrix of a complicated chain of arms interlocked. And you have to unravel it to form the circle that you started with. It was a long, tedious process. Sweaty bodies slithering around and tilting aromas of the body. Albert should have had deodorant on. Then there was one where you tied a balloon to your toe and you had to burst balloons of your rival members and protecting your group mates at the same time. Albert really should have had deodorant on. Then there was one where you have to walk on this grid of similar looking boxes. The trick here is that there are certain boxes which you cant step on. There is only a certain path you can follow, and you cant figure it out without trial and error. And there was this one where you had to build a tower of straws.

Then there was a debate. At first, Albert was excited about it, but by the time he was through, he told himself he probably shouldn't debate for a while at least. It was like meeting an ex. The initial excitement that drew you to them in the first place comes first. Then the painful memories. Debating broke up with Albert. He hasn't got over it. Its difficult-la.

During this whole thing, he met a really nice person. Guess. Bet you think its Carrishma right? WRONG!

Got you this time.

Its spelt with a single "r".

Shes really nice, like the food, and the jacuzzi. Except that she has a great personality, and can carry a conversation plus shes probably one of the more "real" people that he met there. Not being an inanimate object also is a plus. And, yeah, she is good looking. Hey its not ALL about the looks ok. But actually yeah, she is ....

The interviewers were really nice. And no, no major screw ups this time. He's got a pretty good shot at this. Who knows, he might just get it. But even if he doesn't get through its cool, just the experience thus far is awesome enough. All the great people. And, the jacuzzi and the food. Yeah.

It was SO much fun. All jokes aside, the people there are awesome, and if he had to make way for them they would sure as hell deserve it. Time flies when you're with awesome people. 2 days and a night just went by SO fast, it feels like it was almost just yesterday.

Well, it WAS just yesterday anyway.

2007-08-16T08:01:00.000-05:00

Negarakuku

At the current time of this posting, it is exactly 2 weeks before Malaysia celebrates her 50th birthday. And she is one unhappy menopausal b****.

Have you heard of the furore surrounding the rather cheeky video posted by this plump(and talented) chinese guy from Johor? If somehow you managed to not notice the tsunami like ripple effect caused by this video in the Malaysian blogosphere, go and redeem whatever pride you may still have left in you here- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gyiBvJtJ5Z4

Please dont be a smart ass and try to continue reading on without checking out the video. Do it for your sake.

Now this guy, parodied Negaraku(Negarakuku), with subtle(and not so subtle) references to Malaysian culture. Its a nice anecdote to all the hoo-ha about Malaysia and Merdeka, 50 years, fuelled by the millions of dollars in taxpayers' money going into generating this hype. Then comes along this little video that eclipses all the pretentious bull revolving around you by injecting a good dose of reality into your collective consciousness. Of course, its not like you dont already know all this shit happening in your society. Its just that its not always that such things are discussed in open. Especially in this delicately balanced, harmonious multiracial country. Everything from currupt policemen to Bumiputra rights to the Azan prayers to government servents. Admittedly, its quite a professional video. The rapping isnt too bad either. Looks nice. Of course, not everyone took to it too kindly.

Fellow Malaysians share their thoughts in an intellectual discourse over Youtube:

zaki..pukimak kau..u balik pergi puki mak kau yg busuk itu..u ingat ini u punya tempat ka..ya betul..tempat babi sial berzina..sebiji macam u punya muka pantat tapir itu...melayu tau bunuh saja..tengok pemandu bas tg sudah mati macam cibai bunuh berapa org..kaum apa pula itu..u punya kaum tau..pukimak punya org
And there are the bold predictions-
all chinese listen if namewee(author of video) dies..blame it on malays and islam...we just wait and see how they gonna to do
Of course there are the incredibly wise ones-
maybe wong is correct too, umno sure fucked up big time, too many corruption in there. good example, some young umno ass propose to make mat rempit as mat cemerlang, fuck this shit man, i dont see where those jibai fuckers rempit can be damn fucking cemerlang
Ditto.

Then there is Misson Impossible 4-

BeePee tak payah balah dgn org jahil lagi bangang macam Chinesevictory. Buang masa ja. Kita sekarang perlu hapuskan Namewee(his real name must be rather boring) tu. Hantar spy kita ke taiwan
WOW are you crazy PIN876!!??..real LIFE??!!Why you keep your eyes on me all the time??Are you the UMNO's undercover????

Brilliant orators-

I will fry your penis with your grandma pussy water,and feed you until your lampa blow up,hahahaha
Hamkafukuai punya honkan

A proud owner of impressive anatomy-

saya punya penis 30inchies maa,mahu cuba???mari saya main punggung awak,tolong saya hisap penis dan sya diao mulut awak sampai tembak sperma keluar dari lubang punggung awak,hahahaa....!!

The slight generalizations-

fuck to all chinese people in mlaysia!!! lets KILL THE ALL...!!!!! they are stupid like their god....PIG!!!

Some self-rightoues idiot trying to spoil the fun-

pls guys, pls refrain from using obscene word... This issue is more towards whether malaysian malays should have any special privileges....

Occasionly, someone manages to comment in proper English-

I like the positive spin on the social and political observation on the malay and non malay culture. You should take pride being a Malaysian. To be a sucessful nation, it takes a lot of tolerance, patients, compassion, forgiving and understanding to co exist. Not many nations in this world are able to achieve that

To top all this patriotism off, Albert found out he got NS. Which is going to clash with his exchange program is he manages to ace the interview with the Ambassador of the US to Malaysia. Wonderful country this.

And just how is he going to impress the ambassador about how he wants to represent Malaysian culture?

sakitgigi,u pergi tuang Coca-cola ke dalam lubang ccohai nenek awak,lepas itu ambil straw dan hisap minum Coca-cola cibai nenek,taruk kaki kau ke dalam dubur datuk kau dan korek berak keluar,hahahaha

Oh boy.

2007-08-04T22:11:00.000-05:00

"Ohmmmmm"

This week, has been a realisation of the synergy of forces of the universe. The Yin Yang. The two opposite forces that serve to bring the the Universe to its natural balance. Where things come back to the way it was. A return to the origin. Let us unite our energy with the Universe, and meditate upon these soul-lifting, enlightening holy scripts.

"Ohmmmmm"

Albert is getting installed.

"Ohmmmmm"

For now he has retired from the prefect board, and come Monday, he will be, get this, sitting in assembly! Whoa! Not just that, he will actually be walking through the spotcheck line!! Double-whoa!! And no more duty. Which means normal recess again! Triple-whoa!!

Let us not get too excited now, calm your inner energy.

"Ohmmmmm"

Albert honestly thought the next Head would be Geetha, but it turned out to be this tall Chinese guy, the name escapes Albert. According to Pn. Rohaida, the outgoing batch were the best batch of prefects she has had(we're not discounting the possibility that she says this to every batch), but considering how they didn't get too many complaints from the teachers(it is virtually impossible to be complaint-free anyway) you could say they did a pretty good job. That in mind, Mr Hands-Up(as Albert's classmates refer to him as) will have quite a difficult task ahead of him. He doesn't seem to have the personality of Yih Ren, or the ease in carrying the burden-of-command, but then again Yih Ren had more experience. Either way prepare for some serious shit amigo.

....

Then there is the Interact Installation. How he managed to get in the board in the first place baffles him, albeit it being "just" the Sargent-in-Arms. Who got a cert. Ruffled quite a few feathers him getting cert, since only 4 people get it. So it really is one of the best jobs on the board. You dint have to do much, and you get to say "I told you soo" no matter what the outcome. Plus you get a cert.

His successor happens to be a guy(after some girl disappointed her bra-burning feminist grandmothers by rejecting the post because it was a "guy job") who, has a pretty face. Who said you have to be intimidating to hold this post anyway? Speaking of the successors, the new board is, well, not bad. They are of course, still wet behind the ears, with the usual indignity of trying to prove they can outdo or at least equal the outgoing board's success, on their own. They'll master the learning curve no doubt, once they work on the communication, execution(go on, laugh at the double meaning), organization etc etc. This is because the Installation Day they organized was a reflection of the aforementioned attributes(or the lack of it). Well at least they topped Shanon's batch during their Installation, which had a turnout of a grand total of 2 guests. This time around well, lets just say Albert contributed to 25% of the attendance on that day by calling Gao Loong , and 2 guests made it for the final 10 minutes of the thing.

Of course, you could put it down to sheer bad luck, as they found out much too late that SU's Installation was on the same day, and people generally prefer to go to events organized by the Interact Club with the "Largest Membership in the World" than, ahem, SS17's "very fun" Interact Club. So in all fairness, there would be little difference had the outgoing board organized it. "Little" is open to interpretation here.

But thumbs up anyway to the new President Evan Morris, who seems to be able( or at least gives the impression) to control his board members. For a prime example, he managed to shut Tess up when she annoyed him. And Albert is sure that you will agree with him that that is no easy task.

Mankind -1

Tess -0

And then he did it again(or soo Albert heard)

Mankind -2

Tess -0

This guy is awesome. But then again they were all stressed out, and naturally, people tend to get each other's nerves. No worries though, Tess will catch up soon.

And thus ends the cycle of events, where we come back to the beginning, the balance is achieved again, the Universe is unfolding as it should, and normalcy rules. As usual.

"Ohmmmm"

2007-07-17T03:43:00.000-05:00

AFS, dildos and HICD

" Alright everyone, there isn't any water in the toilet, so we're going to pass this roll of tissue around, take as much you think you will need for today."

Today, means the course of the AFS interview, which was from 9-5. The exchange program. 8 hours. Tissue paper. Not enough that Albert an his fellow candidates were nervous, they had to control their bladder. Because no one wants to actually use the damn tissue paper. Bloody hell.

They pretty much fooled all of them. In all actuality, the tissue was supposed to play a part in the ice breaking process. Say something about yourself, and tear off one piece of tissue, until you're through with all your tissue that you had taken from that roll of tissue. So those whoever had taken loads of tissue in "foresight", had to actually have a lengthy introduction( Albert believes the term here is "zha dou"). Albert had a modest 7 pieces. The most "zha dou"-ed would be Carishma, this SJ debater and good friend of Shereena's. We'll come to her later.

The facilitators, as you may have figured out by the shit(pardon the pun) they pulled on the candidates, are very cool people. They had loads of activities lined up for the candidates until and after they've been interviewed(since they could only leave at 5). One of the most interesting ones was this, how should Albert put it, it was sort of like charades, with a twist. They(facilitators) would write a word or phrase on this piece of cardboard head gear, which the candidates would wear on their head. A few of them were chosen (including Albert) to take part.They all sat in a row, facing the rest of the other candidates. So they put this thing on your head, and you have to guess what is written on it. You guess by asking one yes or no question to the crowd on each turn, who can only answer yes or no to each question. And by deduction, you have to eventually guess what it is. Albert's one was "World Trade Centre". He figured it out eventually. Some other dude got "swimming pool". They both got off easy. Carishma got "condom", this other guy got "G-string", and this poor, innocent girl got "dildo". Albert really meant it when he said the facilitators were cool. Maybe a little too cool.

Everyone got theirs except this poor Chinese girl.

" Does it entertain people?"

"YES!"

"Does it have feelings?"

"NO!"

"Is it hard?"

"YES!!"

And so on. She was hopeless, so they let her go. Apparently she doesn't know what a dildo is. She probably doesn't want to know either.

Albert made new friends there, and met some old ones too. Justin Low En Lin, formerly of Albert's primary Chinese school was there. He refers to himself as En Lin now. Instead of Justin. There was something familiar about the way the acted. At least there was still a little bit of "Justin" that Albert knows in "En Lin". There was also this half-British, Malay guy who was there, with a pretty decent British accent. Danial. There was also this Chinese guy, who hung around Danial, and he put up this weird British accent, just listening to their banter was insanely funny. Almost surreal.

Then there was Carishma. She was friendly, very nice. They talked a little. Then in the interview room, Albert went right before Carishma, and his Malay interviewer, once they were through(the interview went fine by the way), looking at his next interviewee's profile(Carishma), showed it to Albert(the passport sized photo of her) and told Albert:

"Panggil you punye girlfriend masuk!"

Naturally, Albert supposes that this guy just couldn't help it, WHAT ARE THE BLOODY ODDS ANYWAY!? 2 successive Indians "gasp" of DIFFERENT sex "GASP" to be interviewed!! Both of them must be getting it on or something. Maybe in the "waterless" toilet or something. Naturally. But it was probably a harmless joke right? Just like how the last Malay dude Albert had a conversation with inquired about his penile size(don't ask)(no not about his, ahem, Albert means don't ask about THAT situation)(that doesn't mean you get ask about the other thing either).

Of course, after that, he looked at Carishma differently. Just slightly different. She isn't exactly a knockout, but there's something X-factor-ish about her. Its like being turned on then off soo fast you only feel the shades of the on part. Huh? Damn it, that asshole.

But of course, he found one of the male facilitators slightly attractive too, so do take his words about her with a pinch(handful) of salt. Being 8 hours in a room with 50 other people can take its toll on anyone. Plus the oxygen deficiency and all. And fake accents. And trying to focus on something other than shitting(the toilet has water actually, but Albert didn't want to take the risk).

Maybe its none of the above. A little self diagnosis tells Albert that its HICD. Being stuck with the same faces for 2 years(no matter how hot) is beginning to take its toll on him. A cure wont be easy(although the recent developments in Boon Han and Sean's personal life are hint as to what the cure is), because at this rate, its gonna be torture, its gonna be irreversible, its, its Hot Indian Chick Deficiency.

2007-07-14T09:43:00.000-05:00

Missing Monday

Wow, this is a personal record. Albert missed school 2 times last week, and come this week it will be 3 times in 2 weeks. He'll be missing Monday.

Not that he likes skipping school, mind you, it's just inevitable circumstances. Monday's circumstance, is of course the reason this post exists.

He's going for an interview.

No, not for a job or something. Its for this exchange program organized by the US. He sent in his application 4 months ago, and hoped for the best. And here we are, fast forward to now, and he's been shortlisted along with other hopeful applicants all over the nation for the program.

If he does ace the interview, that means he will get the oppurtunity to go to the US to continue his studies there with foster parents in a foster home sponsered by the US government. Awesome.

But of course, on the flip side, the chances of that happening is slim to say the least. Even if he doesnt make the cut, he can take solace in the fact that he wont have to share the fate of his other classmates in doing that silly Moral skit where they will embarass themselves for a couple of minutes in front of the whole school. Yay! (unless the skit gets postponed again to the following Monday where he will have to perform too, which will be a terribly embarassing "eat your words" moment)

But that aside, do wish Albert all the luck on Monday because he will certainly need it, but, not as much as his classmates would!

Haha, wish you could miss Monday too eh?

Good luck!

2007-07-01T01:59:00.000-05:00

Viva la Interact (pfft!)

You remember when you found out that Sean was the President of Interact? Yeah, there were many mixed feelings alright. Some of us froze in shock, some of us prophesied that doom shall befall the Interact Club of SS17 and some of us, well, thought it was a joke.

Albert fell into the latter category.

But hey, Sean did alright didn't he?

Relatively?

Yesterday marked the end of the reign of Sean and his crew of board members as the people at the helm of the Interact Club of SS17. It was almost a relief, you know, like finally, this cursed tenure is over. "Here, its your turn to suffer." That kinda thing. And Albert supposes that the incoming board think they have it all set out for them, all they have to do is go one better than the outgoing board. Piece of cake. Whats the worst that could happen? Haha, the young and naive, so naive.

Well, there was about 20+ people at Neesha's house on that Saturday. Albert arrived with Boon of course(they seem to go everywhere together huh?) to a hoard of hungry people. Well maybe it was just Tess, but when the pizza arrived, it was as though a famine had just ended. Hungry teenagers are quite a sight.

Alright. There isn't much to say. Look the party wasn't exactly happening. Sean and the band members were suppose to perform, but Abel bailed out with the drums. So no performance. Not even the acoustic songs. The next best thing was probably the games. So here goes...

There was this thing where if you didn't react fast enough, you have to eat this sushi thing, which there was supposedly a 50-50 chance of picking a sushi with wasabi in it. Now, Albert has heard tons of stories of this wasabi thing, its suppose to be THE spiciest thing in the culinary universe(well going by the way they talk about it, it must be). Being someone who enjoys pushing his bowels to the limit with spicy food, he had his hopes high. So when he did actually eat one, well it was spicy. But if it really had wasabi in it, he would be quite disappointed. That sushi was about as lethal as apple pie. So he just hopes that that wasn't the one with the wasabi in it, so at least he will have the hope that maybe one day, he will eventually face off against the real wasabi.

Then before the truth or dare game, a couple of board members descended into a heated argument about how the weight of the water bottle might affect the number and duration of the spins. Physics concepts were flung at each other in a heated discussion, about the factors affecting the damn bottle, everything from light intensity to humidity to pressure to the downward gradient of the ground. God knows why they didn't just spin the damn bottle. But Pn Chong K. L. would have been soo proud.

Well, the highlights was Boon kissing *** ***( again here the two people who have an inflated sense of their mastery of English decided to have a go at each other)

" Its give a smack on the cheek!"

" No its a peck!"

"No a smack is to hit!"

Alright kids. When will they learn not to *&%#-ing correct each other's English? Its incredibly annoying.
Lets just ask Merriam-Webster alright?
Main Entry:
4smack
transitive verb
1: to close and open (lips) noisily and often in rapid succession especially in eating
2 a: to kiss

There, happy now? There really should be a law against this.

So he did smack, oops, PECK, or like how the rest of the world refers to it as, he KISSED Meepei on the cheeks.

Then there was the little part where Albert had to kiss Boon's foot.

Then the Grammar cop had to harness her ego to cough out 10 things that Timothy was better than her at. Timothy let her stop at 5. Sigh.

Well the Oreo cake was heavenly(interestingly juxtaposed to the scene around it). They sang to tune of the birthday song(because the interacters don't know the Interact song, which is like the Interact Anthem) and this moment of ultra lameness probably encapsulates the whole tenure of the outgoing board members and the Interact Club in general. But Albert cant possibly imagine doing it with any other bunch of wacky board members. You just cant do it like how SMK SS17's Interact Club does it.
And then Evan, the new president, in unforeseen wisdom, so very aptly spelled out Interact to the loud approval of the members-

L!
A!
M!
E!

And thats something only our Interacters get.

2007-06-03T08:10:00.000-05:00

decisions.

Albert is in a dilemma. An almighty dilemma.
Well you see, he has a shirt. And the shirt has all its prints on the back. And the front is empty. Soo what does our poor protagonist do? Should he do the rightful thing and wear the shirt like he should, with the print on the back, and risk looking like an idiot wearing his shirt the wrong way?
Or, does he go against the very grains of morality and deliberately wear the shirt the wrong way, with the print on the front, so that it will seem to everyone that this bright chap here wore his shirt the right way? Although deep down inside he will know that he isn't wearing the shirt the right way, and although it may seem like he is, he REALLY ISN'T. Plus, the collar gets itchy when you wear the shirt the wrong way. Just thought YOU should take that into consideration. Oops, you've just been dragged into this mess. Sorry.
Don't you hate it when people want to include you in their life-altering decisions? One would think that they can wade through tons of moral issues and personal issues, and just lots of issues, to reach a decision, THEMSELVES. But no. In doing soo, they write to the newspapers, you know, those special advice columns, exaggerating their "big, big" problems. They call their best friends(too bad if you happen to be one), and make their day miserable. And, if they have a significant other, they drag them through this hell too.
But who cares? All that matters is that they tell everyone their problems, regardless how stupid it is, regardless if they really should just keep their big mouths shut, or regardless of the sanity other poor, poor souls. And like a super massive black hole(sorry Muse, just had to borrow it) every one and everything will get sucked in.
Here's the best part, sometimes, when you actually do help, rack your brains, pour forth your brilliant schemes, ideas, plans, after much deliberating (and at the expense of many, many brain cells), they stumble unto some other solution of their own. Then they pat themselves on their own back for their own ingenuity, and immediately put it to execution. If you tell them its not gonna work, you would only be extending your own personal hell. So you could count yourself lucky and just smile and go, "Brilliant!". But of course, if the solution doesn't work out, its your fault. Of course.
Well. Needless to say, there's a reason why your reading this. Its a very long story, but the bottom line is someone could not keep his mouth shut. And as a result, we have a very pissed off friend of Albert's. But he's not going to ask you how to resolve it. Nope. Its HIS problem, not yours. Sigh.
So, moral of the story, if you suspect someone wants you to help make a decision for him, or worse, HER, run, run and hide damn it! But if you are inadvertently sucked in, with no means of escape, be careful. BE VERY CAREFUL. After all, not all solutions are easy as just bloody wearing a different shirt.

2007-05-27T08:13:00.000-05:00

2 weeks, 14 days, 336 hours, 20160 minutes...

2 weeks. Can you believe it? 2 WHOLE weeks without school. God must be testing Albert.
Pardon yours truly going AWOL[(absent without obtaining leave)(there, you learn something new every day)] but he was battling mid year exams. And you know how mentally draining, physically exhausting, soul-sapping and anti blogging exams can be. So Albert really wasnt dead after all.
Right after the mid year torture was over, on Thursday, he and his merry bunch of friends went to watch Pirates 3. And one awesome movie that was, fast and furious with the action, riduculous with the logic, and funny as hell. The whole movie can be summerized into this line expressed by an exasperated bad guy in his experiance with Captain Jack Sparrow, "Sir, do you think Jack Sparrow has everything planned out, or does he just make it up as he goes?" An interesting question, but one that no one really wants to know the answer to anyway. Another nugget of advice from the great man himself, " If you dont like the circumstances, change the FACTS" is this guy amazing or what? Maybe its cause he's drunk and hallucinating half the time.
Come Saturday, it was Sam's birthday party. It was a small do really, a couple of ex-form 5 students, Chris Teh and Edvinn(and his gorgoues companion which isnt his girlfriend, or at least not yet)the form 3 guys, the usual suspects for form 5, Chris Yoong, Sean, Gao Loong, John, JT. Wai Chun was in Europe. Sigh. Boon arrived with Mee Pei and Hema, which kinda figueres. Tim and Wen were most unfashionably late.
He had a nice barbeque going, lotsa chicken wings, sausages, this weird noodle like substance, and balls. The fried type and the fish type. And a very homely homemade chocolate cake. Ah, food.
After that they retired to a night of video games and more food. Cant imagine a better way to end a night. Well it is at least going to be a helluva lot better than the next 2 weeks.
2 freaking weeks. Now calm down, think, what would Jack Sparrow do......

2007-05-03T09:24:00.000-05:00

Prefect-uh Prom-uh Unity Night-Dinner-whatever

Say what you want all you Yih Ren bashers, but really, you gotta give it to the guy who managed to pull of a 70% student majority prefect dinner. Oops, “Unity Dinner”. Right.
So here was Albert, drowning in post-debate depression, hoping Saturday he could eat his depressed soul out at the buffet dinner, which is some sort of consolation. Of course it would be nice if he had a friend who could give him a good pat on his back and go all : “ Come, come, its alright,” but you can’t eat your friends you see. They wouldn’t taste good anyway. Nothing like food for the depressed soul.
But no. Owh no. Yih Ren wanted him to MC the Pref- erm, UNITY dinner. Alright. Alright. Fine. Eager to help in any ******* way possible Yih Ren.
Cant say Albert hated it. Its always nice to feel important. Shereena was being extra nice(she had her eye on Best Dressed), Reddy called, sms-ed, desperately reminding him to reserve a seat for her and Roshan, as though the fate of the entire world depended on whether Reddy and Roshan could park their asses strategically that day. So yeah, nice feeling important.
Tess actually came for the dinner. Which was odd. She brought Boon Han as her date. Albert hears the tectonic plates moving already, let us not push it.
Shereena wore an over-the-top flowing gold gown. She couldn’t pull it off. Sigh. She should have just worn the prefect uniform. Wai Chun was cool in beige, a real contrast among guys that wore dark colours.
The whole program was jammed packed with performances, with really bad ones here and there. Roshan was noticeably unimpressed(but he’s experience probably justifies it). But of course, Reddy was always there to “distract” him. Good looking guy no doubt, must get these kinda things a lot. Lucky bastard.
Edvinn won Prom King( Oliver picked him over Wai chun, yes a stroke of brilliance from Yih Ren). Prom queen was Yin Shi. Edvinn was one happy guy. Albert was nominated for Best Dressed, which goes to show that you can look good without spending a dime. Of course he didn’t win. There was a goofier dressed dude.
Shereena got nominated for Best Dressed, but you see, a girl in a sari won it. Hey, stranger things happened(like someone coming for the supposedly “lame” dinner).
Just when everyone was bored out of their skulls of the performances, the dancefloor was finally open!! Yay! The whole 10 square feet of it!! Well the party animals made the best out of it, the whole half an hour of it, in spite of lousy deejaying(probably distracted sms-ing Shereena, yes, one of the dudes actually liked her).
All this while, Shereena was busy with Nigel, making up for the ground she lost to Husna. The pursued now has to pursue. Ah, the sweet irony. Just like Boon Han and…..whoa!!...the plates are moving again!
As if not enough, to compound Albert’s misery, Chelsea had to draw for Man Utd to open up 5 point gap.
Damn, he should’ve ate more.

2007-04-19T06:06:00.000-05:00

The strange but no doubt notable exploits of Blazer Boy

Is it a bird? A plane? A bad superhero movie? A cybernetic time travelling organism fond of sequels and politics? No its Kumar! Oops, no. Wait, that looks like, eh, sure or not? Lets beat him up and temporarily kidnap him.......oh wait, black? Yeah, thats Albert. What? Not wearing his underwear on the outside?! Nawh, a blazer wearing superhero is absurd enough.

The great but no doubt strange exploits of Blazer Boy cannot go unnoticed people. He braved a fashion show during the school IU day(which was a PROFITABLE blast), even when he was a fashion disaster. "Gasp" !!

He has to fend off girls with horrible taste, and expressing it in tamil(the horror), or worse, in BM. "Saya cinta padamu!" Ya, dia cinta pada dia juga. This where the powers of cowardice comes in to truly test his hide and seek skills(our brave superhero is avoiding her).

Our superhero had loads of fun with his beloved sidekicks(sorry for the insult debate members), making other teams look like shit in debate. It was incredible fun. They beat out 61 other schools, including last year's champion. So its been totally worth while. Especially the skipping EST and English part. Wonder if she'll still let us skip........

Blazer Boy thanks you, Suhaib, Shereena, and Tess, for giving this period of his life temporary meaning. He did what he loved doing, with people who were worth doing it with, and together they kicked some fine ass all the way to the semi final.

So Blazer Boy has seen the climax of his life. His whole banal existance was worth while just for the last couple of months. From now on, its a long way down the from the peak of the graph. Blazer Boy had never, and could never, ever have seen this climax coming. Or imagine Tess as hot when she slaughters opponent after opponent. Or Suhaib putting up a flawless performance. Or Sher in a prefect uniform.

Blazer Boy's crazy exploits will come to an end now. That blazer will represent one less thing in his life. No more intellect/crime -fighting exploits. So tomorrow, he's back to his secret but no doubt lame identity, he'll put on his blazer, hold his head up (in spite of his dignity destroying, soul-sapping wild hair) and keep his eye on his Rajesh-trackker(insert fancy GPS techie jargon here).

But one thing, just like it started, and ending the same way too, hasnt and never will change throughout our friendly, over-tanned superhero's exploits...........

- She still looks hot in a prefect uniform-

2007-03-30T23:27:00.000-05:00

Cure for depression=Beating a private school and almost getting drunk

Losing puts things into perspective. It does. Its amazing how you twist the reality to accept a bummer in life. We totally lost on purpose. We gave it to them. Yeah.
Well, here Albert must thank his fellow debaters, for beating Sri Sedaya. At least they still have Taylors. They are now one step closer to winning it. It was so wonderfully efficient. Albert had the script down to perfection. He pre-empted what the opposition would come up with, and cleverly put it as the last point of their own script, so with all the immaculate timing, just when the opposition thought they had got them with the "uniform within a uniform" thing, Tess banged them back with meritocracy. Albert loves big words. Shereena was super fluent, and as much as Shereena wont admit it, Albert came up with a couple of good last-minute-rebuttals that she used both in her 2nd speaker speech, AND her reply speech.
He also like to thank another girl, and maybe apologise to certain extent to her, because sometimes, its easy to get blindsided when he has a pretty thing in a short skirt, soo much so that he forgets the real friends. The past week has been a real reality check.
Bottomline, SS17 beat Sri Sedaya. Cheers for free education!!
He's sure you're all sick of debating. So we move on to Wai Chun's b-day party( do you have any idea how scary it is walking in 17 at night, especially since a girl got raped near esso not too long ago).
Well, for the benefit of all who didn't make it, Albert shall try to describe the atmosphere to you. It was very Chinese. Only Evan and Albert were non-chinese( and considering the amount of self-depreciating racist Indian jokes Evan rattles off, he might as well be chinese). Owh yeah, Pn Chua was there.
But she was nice, as sporting as a woman of her graceful age would be. There was this semi-truck/stall called Fatman(the chinese are very frank people) Steamboat. There was pasta. And there was also an ice cream box. And, the main draw, alcohol.
There was a lot of fuss about the alcohol, everyone was so obsessed with getting drunk. The top 3 drinkers would have to be Boon Han, Christina, and Wai Chun. For Boon Han, Mrs Tuen(bartender of the day) had a special concoction they called AK-47. Safe to say, Boon survived.
Albert himself had a full shot of Tequila, but the drink didn't live up to the hype. Remember the margarita he shared with Manishya? That had more oomph in it. Of course, that could have been entirely been because of Manishya.
But Albert has to say, the only drawback was that Albert didn't get drunk, nor did anyone else(Boon could've been, but no one would be able to tell the difference).
To celebrate getting over his depression, Albert is gonna down a whole bottle of this strange, black coloured, drink. It doesn't burn your tongue, but it stings it, and on its way down your throat, it gives your this grating sensation, subtle and wholly pleasurable. Then the effects of this burp-inducing concoction of liquid and gasses with a high sugar content will be the only thing he can get high on.
Coke.

2007-03-28T06:12:00.001-05:00

Everybody hates Tuesdays

Has it been mentioned that irony has a strange way of screwing Albert from behind? Yes, if you do remember, it has been mentioned. Tuesday was a classic case of cruel irony.
For starters, it all happened in Catholic High, the school he was only whiskers away from being transfered to. Owh, the setting was "perfect".
He put his all into this one, more effort than he had ever put into anything. They won the coin toss this time. Maybe they shouldnt have, but they did, and they lost, cruel irony number 1.
In the quarantine period, Shereena asked him what was "globalization"? The topic by the way, was "globalization contributes to the development of third world countries". And she didnt know what was globalization, when her scripts were done for her(guess who), and the rationale was for her to be able to have more time to do research. What is globalization. Cruel irony number 2.
When it was Albert's turn to speak(he was third speaker), everyone expected the same old boring guy who nobody could understand because he used to many big words and had no X factor. Instead, the Albert that day was on the complete opposite end of the spectrum. With an almost "I dont give a shit" attitude(well when you're in a sinking boat, hungry, pissed, flustered, dissapointed and insanely nervous, you flip), he became quite possibly the most "unobedient" as Tess puts it, debater who ever competed in Wira cup. One of the teacher's said that he was too "revolutionary" for the Wira Cup. Reality check over here-->He was crude, disrespectful(also known as witty), arrogant(or pompous as the third speaker from the opposing team puts it) and had absolute disregard for the rules. Well the crowd no doubt sounded their appreciation, one particular teacher laughed like she was watching an Adam Sandler movie. Adam Sandler movies are dumb. So whether the crowd was laughing with him or at him is quite open to debate.
Facial expressions-check. Non-reading from cue cards-check. Moving a little as he was advised to do after his debut the last time round-check(maybe a little over done). He remembered shouting towards the ending of his speech, as he was told to be more forceful-check(whether you can be funny and forceful is doubtful). And yet, even with his improved performance(depends on your definition of improved), they lost. Cruel irony no 3-check.
He is still debating you know. Time has already run out. But he wanted to win, BADLY. The timekeeper isnt happy. The chairperson is yelling "excuse me!!". The SU chief adjudicator looks more than ever determined to condemn SS17 to their fate(she probably thought that SU should have been there instead of SS17). But Albert cant get it out of his system. He needs to rebutt their points. Thats what he is supposed to do. If anything at all, he is suppose to save the day. Even if time's up. The crowd are still having a good time, he is very funny they think.

Its over.

But hey, at least he wasnt boring.

2007-03-23T10:54:00.000-05:00

Crunch Time

Well, they won. Albert made his debate debut, in the Taylors debate, as 1st speaker, against St. Mary's, and they won. But it really isnt as glamourous as it may sound, the St Mary debaters were 1st timers, and they were disadvantaged trying to prove the Internet negative. But all certainly wasnt well.
The other 2 debaters told him quite frankly that he was not good enough, and persisted on it so much and were trying to come up with numerous solutions to this, even suggesting he should cut his hair. Suhaib even wanted to sponser the haircut. Thats when Albert started to ask himself questions.
Shereena compared the situation to that of a composer and a singer. The composer does all the work, makes the song work, and works with the lyrics too, but at the end of it the person with the better vocal chords get all the credit. You figure out who's who in the bloody anology.
It was hard doing anything for them after she said that. But 10 hours of reseach and writing later, here he was again, their speeches all nice and tidy, all 2000 words of it. You know what, Albert doesnt care. He'd like to go on and on about commitment, and responsibility, and all that other bullshit. But no. He simply wants to feel important. Sad yes, but thats the truth. Of course Albert wont tell you that, he'll complain that the others cant do it because of "splitting headaches", or limited intellects or whatever. But the freak secretly enjoys all this.
He enjoys their blurness when the debate teacher asks them "what have you done?". When they pass him nervous glances and almost magically, scripts are produced, research done, and Albert assures the teacher that there was ample "discussion", and all everyone needed to do was memorize the stuff. Doesnt matter how close to the actual truth this all is, its just very ego-stroking when Albert thinks that the entire debate team would go straight to hell without him. He needs his motivation. Its like how the neantherthal male get a testosterone kick when they bring home the bacon, or is the sole breadwinner(have you noticed how many fancy terms are attributed to this form of male ego stroking?), its the same thing. Of course, he wont tell you this, he'll just bullshit about responsibility and stuff.
He'll have to repeat this again for the district semi-finals for wira cup. If he doesnt do well, his team will lose the chance to compete in the district final. And his school has never gone past the semifinals of district, hence there is sort of a pressure to go one further. Albert screws up again, SS17 dont get into district final, and he'll be an easy scapegoat. More motivation.
Wish him luck for the semi-final. He needs it. For now he has to go. To write their speeches.

2007-03-15T06:00:00.000-05:00

Unforeseen and somewhat far-fetched consequences

Albert 2006: Normal boring prefect.
Albert 2007: Normal boring prefect + English debating zone champion + lead actor, scriptwriter, co-director of English Drama + Vocalist of a band( pending 2 upcoming gigs).
How? Albert has no idea. No idea at all. Debating all started with a simple favor from a friend( he did not even merit his place), and now, he finds his comrades and himself zone champions and currently 2 rounds away from being district champions. Albert has never debated before in his life. But how?
It all also started as a simple favor that Albert offered to help Sean write a script for drama. Thats all. And now with the competition 3 weeks away, he finds himself playing the lead, and co-directing.
It also started as a blog posting(B.E.A.T.S.). He did mention it to his friends rather casually once when they were on an outing, but they laughed at him. And now Timothy, Boon, Evan and Albert will be performing for IU day and quite possibly for the prefect's dinner. But Albert cant sing, so ho- dont ask.
It all started on Tuesday. Last Tuesday. They we're in the final of the Wira cup( zone), and after watching Amar single-handedly tear Seafield apart, you could say they we're abit nervy. But Albert has never seen Shereena( her attire needs no introduction by now) so determined before in their short acquaintance, but she wanted to win badly. Albert prayed Tess didnt read from her cue cards. Suhaib also had to steer clear of silly grammatical mistakes. And EVEN with chief adjudicators who dont know how to ****** flip a coin, and getting the lousier side (the whole topic was lousy anyway), they managed to pull it off. How? Well Amar didnt take part in the final. Why? Thats still a bloody mystery if you ask Albert.
On Wednesday, Albert met his idol, his role model. Mr Sean, his bible knowledge teacher. From the moment Mr, erm, Sean insisted that he was referred to simply as Sean, you knew you were gonna have a good feeling about this dude. This dude, he's about 27, and he took SPM in 2000. And he got the highest in English, no not in his school, not in his state, but in the whole freaking country. You could worship the ground he walks on. He also led his debate team to the State championship. He is currently a producer at 8tv, his credits include Malaysian Idol and One In A Million. He has also brushed shoulders with big name local artistes and the reality show contestants. Just how cool can a person get? And you know what, he is also an aspiring writer, just like yours truly. He also wants to see Albert's work. Fame and fortune beckons from the horizon.
And as for the gigs, well, they needed performances for both IU day and the prefect dinner, and because the band was already there, and they were simply short of a vocalist, Albert sort of offered his services. This was his idea from the beginning to the end. So yeah, he screwed himself over for this one. Its strange though, how a blog posting with a somewhat far-fetched ambition managed to translate into reality. To what extent it actually translates into reality remains nothing more than a fanciful notion( or a blog posting if you will). Just a couple of gigs? Or maybe they could go platinum in album sales. All this without any singing lessons whatsoever.
Then, he ran into some girl problems. CIG(cute Indian girl) A saw something about Albert that she wasnt supposed to see, which she told CIG B which she probably shouldnt have told, and CIG B blew it out of proportion and accused Albert of doing something which he did not do. Albert then explained that what he had indirectly done had inadvertently involved CIG A who did not do what CIG B thought she had done which she just assumed was Albert's fault when it really wasnt. Yup, girl problems are problems wrapped in a paradox encased in an enigma and deserve their place right up there with the great questions of life.
And so here he is. He has to make the drama happen. Pull his team to the district final. And sing. May God be with him.

2007-02-16T08:41:00.000-06:00

That Machiavelli's the way to go!

Your're probably wondering if there is any correlation whatsoever between the title and the ensuing content, but if History was never your thing, your probably wondering who the heck Machiavelli is too. Niccolo Machivelli was a renaissance figure whose most famous piece of literary work is the book The Prince, where he expounded on his 2 philosophies which were basically the ends justify the means and its better to be feared than to be loved. Still wondering how it relates to today's post? Well I dont see you complaining about Panic! At the disco and Iwritesinsnottragedies so just ignore the seemingly unrelated title and read on.

Well since Monday was pretty much negligible, we shall start on Tuesday. It was the beginning of Albert, Shereena, Tess and Suhaib's participation in the Wira Cup. The debate competition. Shereena was in a prefect uniform, blazer and all, and boy, she looked hot in the short and tight skirt and small blouse. Its like how a nurse's uniform becomes all sexy in a male fantasy when in fact it really isnt, thats how she transformed the school prefect uniform into something Pn Rohaidah and Pn Chong certainly did not appreciate(what?! He drained his brain with intense intellectual activity prior to the big debate alright, he needs to destress, even if it means indulging in typical male Neanderthal ogling).

They had prepared for 2 topics for 2 rounds, but it seemed that only Albert and Suhaib actually believed that they would make it that far. Their 1st opponent was from USJ 8. They wernt that good. With a couple of people from Albert's class watching, they simply disposed of their opponents. They pretty much did the same to USJ 13. Save for Tessrina's slightly comical presentation, they were pretty solid. Well, they in this context, excludes Albert. He didnt speak. He was reserve you see. And he doesnt really mind it. Really. Except for the fact that people never wish him luck, or congratulate him when his team wins. But you know, its all worth it when before the quarantine period, they call for the team leaders to pick a side(as in affirmative or negative) with a coin toss. And when they asked his team who was their leader, in one unanimous breath, they went : "Albert!" Yeah, this is when its all worth it. Its quite a quantum leap, from having absolutely no experience whatsoever in debating, and being on the team just because of a favour instead of meriting his place, to being Team Leader. But no sweat, he will have to do some talking when they take part in the Taylors Debate. After Pn Loges' sincerest congrats, she cautioned Shereena that she will have to change her skirt come the next round. To which Sher nodded almost convincingly. Almost. When Sher was sure that Pn Loges was well out of earshot, she dismissed it saying: "X'x xxx xxx xxxxxx xx xxxxx!"

Wednesday. February 14. Valentines day. Well, here we should all salute Amritha who took on the role of Cupid and busted whatever was left of her miniature derriere over the whole Interact-flower-selling charade. So did a couple of other board members. Albert was tasked with the relatively simple job of picking up muffins. Well school was on as usual, with many interruptions with people bearing gifts only for those who were desirable enough to be showered with Valentines stuff. Like Mee Pei and Shereena. While the rest of the world with not-so-nicely-arranged facial bones could only look. Its a tough world out there. Of course, Manishya, even if she was in college now, still was the most impressive of them all. The things guys would do for her. Its no wonder some people want to rearrage their facial bones(incidentally, Manishya is aiming to be a plastic surgeon).

Thursday. Taylors debate workshop. Before they left for Taylors, Pn Loges again reminded Sher to find another skirt. To which, Sher in all her impeccable timing, ejaculated: "X'x xxx xxx xxxxxx xx xxxxx!" Of course, outside Pn Loges' earshot. Its so nice to use ejaculate like this. The workshop was quite enlightening, if yours truly may do away with the euphemisms. It was basically a debating for dummies kinda thing. Just a reminder of all the stuff you usually take for granted. Picked up on some interesting tactics too. He saw a guy in a kilt debate. He also met Trishantinee(read seniors party) there. She didnt like him. Also met Jasmine, the sister of an old church friend. Sara too, from tuition. And he actually thought had no social life. Compared to Shereena, who only seemed to know Carishma, and Suhaib, who didnt know anyone, and Tess, who only knew Rajan's brother there, he would like to think that his network of friends were just a tad more intellectual than his fellow debaters. Of course, later he found out, that some seriously unpleasant shit happened in school. Big-mouth Boon had to go all rhetorical and ask Pn Saro M( who was in a sociable mood during Sej): "Teacher, do you know who Albert likes?" Yes Boon, Albert likes you. And he likes to kick your tight little ass for asking rhetorical questions about his social life. To which Pn Saro claimed to be all-knowing. Apparantly( this time its purposely mispelled), she reads friendster profiles, which give her access to the social circle of her students. Which may mean that she reads Albert's blogs. She could be reading it at this very moment. Well, Pn Saro, if you are reading this, you need to know that Albert has absolutely no romantic interests whatsoever with your daughter, they are just friends( not like he has a chance anyway).

Friday was Merentas Desa. Well, good to know that Albert went through that hell for the last time. After which, he went home and prepared for tuition. Like a bloody idiot. When he did get there, he was informed that tuition was postponed because everybody else wanted to go watch a movie. Awww...... They could do that every Friday if they wanted to, but at least give Albert a heads up. Is that soo effing hard? Anyway, he killed 2 hours by figuring out the arguments for the topic for the final in which SS17 will go against the winners of the SU-Seafield debate. The topic is " Modern inventions have stifled man's resourceful nature". Super lame topic. But, they cant do much about it, just have to make do with what they've got. Either way Albert can smell victory baby! 2 years being runners up, its gonna be third time lucky for SMKSS17 if anything at all. Especially since he's in the team. After that, he had a nice little chat with Manishya who helped him kill another hour before heading for Mr Suresh's tuition. Its probably good to know that he didnt get temporarily kidnapped because he looked like a criminal this time.

Well thats it. Well, you probably want to know what exactly Shereena said, since it was all X-ed out. Whether or not you want him to connect it to a renaissance figure or not he doesnt know, but he'll try.

Lets just say that Shereena's 2 philosophies are, the ends justify the seams of her skirt which arent equilaterally distanced BELOW her knee, whereby as long as they kick ass in debate, she can dress as she likes. And also, its better to be envied than to be loved. Very typical her. Here's proof, her exact words which were X-ed out:

" Im soo not changing my skirt!"

And thank God for that.

2007-02-11T09:33:00.001-06:00

Albert@Kumar

You know, have you ever wondered, with all those exciting things happening around you, like that Parade robbery( where is Albert when all these cool things happen), why it doesnt happen to( or around) you? Well, logically it should right? There are enough of it to go around you know, like kidnappings, being held at gun point, being arrested for looking like a criminal, you know, stuff like that. Well, all of it happened to Albert in one day.

The following may not be even remotely believable, but you believe this alternate-blog-personality, and you mark these pixelated words, you soo arent being fooled around with. Hold your breath people, and start scrolling.

Well, on Friday, after Betty's Physics tuition, Albert was walking to Mr Suresh's place near Sri KL. Now, what happened next was in a residential area. As he was walking, he didnt take particular notice of this sporty, modified, blue wira. But had to look eventually, when an Indian dude with a post-Thaipusam head(bold) came out of the car and gestured to him in Tamil. Another case of a misdirected brother from another mother wanting some directions in Tamil thought Albert as he sauntered up to him already thinking how to look really dumb when that Indian dude eventually asked Albert for directions. He spoke gibberish as he showed Albert a namecard with his finger loosely encircling an address below a printed name. Albert had long perfected what he did next, he just shook his head and just went "taktau" and hoped the brother from another mother would take the hint and not bug him some more in Tamil. But no. The Indian dude took a good look at Albert, and with conviction in his eyes, the Indian dude made a decision.

Barely moments later, Albert had his shirt forcefully tugged by this Indian dude over to the passenger seat of his blue wira. Albert's legs betrayed him as he followed the man over to the other side in bewilderment. The man was tense and slightly nervous as his eyes glanced the street and spoke to Albert in a hoarse whisper: " Get in the car, now!"

The car door was already open by now, and the man was even more tense and hurried. He repeated his words, but in a more threatening manner, and still Albert refused, hoping he could buy time untill someone doing their daily jogging would just by chance come by, but strangely, no one came. But with every passing second, the Indian man could not risk being seen, and with a resolute threat, he looked dead in Albert's eyes, slipped his hands behind his back, and announced that he had a gun.

Bullshit, Albert thought. He was sure he did not see a gun when the man had his back to him moments ago. Then again, he couldnt be sure. Strangely, Albert actually had time to think. There was no adrenaline pumping through his veins, his abdomen did not contract, he did not hyperventilate, all the tell-tale signs of fear. The man sensed this, that man also realised that he was shorter that Albert, and smaller in build, and all he could threaten Albert with was a hypothetical firearm. Albert considered hitting the man and making a run for it. Unfortunately, the man thought of it first.

With a swift movement of his hand, Albert's head throbbed, and he realised that he was on the receiving end. He moved backwards, and ended up in the car seat, and barely heard the car door slam admist the throbbing of his head. The man was already on his right, started the car, and the world started to move backwards from the windscreen. All this happened in barely a minute.

"Who are you?"

" Albert. Im a student. Im 17"

" Where do you live?"

" Sunway."

" Just tell me the truth."

"Wha-"

"Dont lie!"

" Im not! Look, my IC!"

He passed it to him, and thanked his lucky stars that he brought it today. The man took his eyes from the road for a couple of moments, and looked at Albert's chubby face embeded in the IC next to his particulars. He face hardened and looked at the road again. Disbelievingly, he took a second look, and passed it back to Albert. He hid his embarassment and disbelief very well, and took on a matter-of-factly tone.

" I am sorry. Im a policeman. Im looking for Kumar. He looks like you, you know. Exactly like you."

"-huh"

" He stole money from KDU, and Im looking for him. Thats why I-"

" You hit me-"

" Yalah, I asked you to get in the car, you also didnt get in, I got frustrated la!"

They both were in disbelief. It was a tad awkward.

" Im sorry, but you look like him.

He made eye contact again, maybe just to be sure.

" Exactly like him"

"Then the name card?"

" I needed a closer look at you."

He pulled over a couple meters from where he thought he caught "Kumar".

" This is where you where right? Im sorry-"

" Yeah, its ok."

Albert closed the door. It sounded familiar. As the car drove away, Albert made a mental note of the license plate number.

He was slightly annoyed that he was going to be a little late for Mr Suresh's class, but as he quickened his footsteps, he consoled himself-

" This is soo going into my blog!"

2007-02-03T09:02:00.000-06:00

Shit Happens

Since this is one of those rare occasions where Albert does not have anything in specific to write about, he will simply just write about this week.

Well, the week was a pretty ordinary one, with the only thing that happened(or didnt happen), was the Tim-Wen Temporary Cold War. As most of you should know, they're coupling(this is NOT a newsflash, in case you start "duh-ing" Albert). Don't ask how, but what went around was that it was a petty thing. Although at first it was a breath of fresh air, since they tend to annoy with their flirty playfulness in class. But eventually it became a bit sad though. Always thought that they would end up with little Timothys and Wei Wens.

But all's well in 17 land. They patched up before Wen's B-day dinner on Friday. Yup, they totally went back to feeling each other's cellular mitosis on a sofa watching MTV. For the dinner they went to celebrate Wen's b-day at this place called Salmon & Steak( not very creative, but they get brownie points for being straight forward).

Nothing interesting happened there, except Tess' open condemnation of using big words among friends. "Oxymoron" to be specific. Apparently Timothy was guilty of that. Well, in Albert's opinion, he appreciates it when someone tries, even in the face of public ostracization, to use big words. Unless its something pretentious like "ludicrous" or "preposterous" in the place of your good old "bullshit". But thats just his opinion.

Remember when he said that this week was ordinary? Well that was until his bike got stolen. Yeah, bummer. No hard feelings toward that bugger, he just sincerely hopes that the thief had like 10 mouths to feed or something, so it can be sort of considered as charity. If not Albert hopes he gets run over. Peace.

Then of course, there was the case of Boon not being invited to John's B-day party. He was pretty crushed. He actually went like: " I dont know who my REAL friends are......I think only you and Jun Kit la..."

This moment was not too dissimilar to when it was announced back in form 3 that JT and Albert were Best Friends 2005. "Why Me?!"

Yeah, if you want a logical explanation for all the events that happened including why people just attach themselves to Albert, and why his bike got stolen, and the other mysteries of the universe, just refer back to the title.

2007-01-21T07:38:00.000-06:00

" I'm bach!!"

Albert thinks it is necessary to point out that " Im bach" is NOT a spelling mistake. In fact, he was trying to imitate the immortal phrase of a time travelling cybernetic organism who now is the Governor of California. "Terminator" .

Now for the serious stuff. He feels compelled to apologise to his legions of loyal followers of not updating his blog. He really wasnt trying to starve your intellects to death. He was simply caught up penning his greatest piece of literature(script) for the inter-school drama. What? Yeah, he still is in SS17. That brings us to the second issue at hand.

Apparantly, Albert managed to persuade his mom to let him stay at SS17. Of course there is more to it than that. Albert has his own conspiracy theories as to why he managed the seemingly impossible feat. But there is no need to share that here. I'm sure you arent all that interested anyway.......(evil laugh).

So. It has been an eventful couple of weeks. And he has to say, school has become more beautiful ever since it was soo cruelly wrenched from his hands. But he's back. Oops, he means "bach". And everything is falling so beautifully in place now. He was asked to MC the school's 1st official Prefect Installation day! How cool is that? He'll be part of history. Also, because of a Sweet Darling, he is in the debate team now. Whoa, yeah he knows. DEBATE TEAM!! The Sweet Darling would prefer that he doesnt mention her, so he wont. Also, Sweet Darling, you have climbed from number 5 to number 1 now, just thought you'd like to know. Huh? Its none of you business everyone else, lets move on.

He also joined the Editorial Board. And he thought he would get the reporter job. But he went one better. He ended up being the Head of English. Whoa!! That means any piece of English literature has to go through him 1st. *high 5*

And then he was tasked with the task of writing the script for this year's inter-drama. And since last year's was a disaster, you would expect that all he had to do was go one better. But no. He's pretty sure he's blown it outta park baby! He actually thinks the school can win it this time!! Again, being part of history. But unfortunately, he cant put it up here, because of copyright issues.

And he is also in the same tuition centre as his classmates, which is really near Taylors( for the better informed, you would know the significance of this). And so it is like school is a little bit more extended. Yay!( he really isnt very normal).

So this is bliss then. It just doesnt get any better than this. Life is absolutely perfect. He guesses the only downside is that it will all eventually come to an end by this year. Yes, he cant imagine life after school. It makes him very sad. But then again its the irony of those extremely happy moments in our lives, that it has to come to an end eventually. Sigh.

But until then, we shall all revel in the existance of Albert that breathes life to this blog, and maybe, just maybe, gives you people out there a little bit of inspiration.

Soo baby, " Im bach!"

2007-01-06T00:43:00.001-06:00

Trials and Tribulations

Sean said it best when he said, affectionately, and most of all, most sincerely, : "Why do you have to go now, after we grew attached to you?" For the unacknowledged, lets take things back to the 1st day of school.

It was a Wednesday, and he came too early. It was quite dark. Insects and such were still not finished with their singing. And Albert wasn't done with SMK SS17. It was lingering in his head, telling them the truth, but he didn't want to blurt it out to everyone yet. You know, it was magic, the 1st day of school. In class, suddenly as everyone from 2 months ago(which was an eternity in terms of holidays) flowed into the class, it all seemed soo perfect. It was how it was meant to be. Everyone immediatly stirred up fond memories in Albert's mind, the way he seemed to know them forever, the way they seemed still the same(no matter how much they changed), the way they always acted predictably, always congrous to their personality that Albert knows, and has learnt to love, soo well.

Thursday, was somewhat stressful, the knowledge of his time with them being limited, having lost all control of the Reins of Time. He eventually told a few people. Tess, well she was, quite obviously shaken up about it. Her voice was quivering, and the colour from her face seemed to just drain out(or she just doesnt have any colour), when she would quiz him on it. She didnt seem to be able to accept it.

" Are you sure?"

"Have your parents paid the fees?"

"Your're going this Monday?"

She, as usual, didn't do anything "mushy". Didn't sink it yet Albert guesses. Didn't really sink in with Albert either.

Shereena on the other hand, was almost beside herself with delight when he broke the news to Redreena. Reddy was more sympathetic. Nevertheless, Shereena's feigned sense of amiability still is very much appreciated by Albert. Well, at least it was something.

Boon Han, well his exact words were, "Go lah you, bastard". Translation: "I so desperately dont want you to go, you're a good friend."

Friday creeped up regretably, as it was his last day of school. Today was a tell-all. Lay Yen(prefectorial superior) was angry with him. Yih Ren sympathised. Devan was suprisingly genial, Albert guesses he connected with him. Loges was as usual, full of expletives. When he told Amritha and Dian, Dian seemed somewhat indifferent, but Amritha being her responsible, practicle self, wanted to know if there was a difference with the syllabus, and then asked Albert to see Pn Sarojini about the transfer. She also didnt take it too well being told soo late. When Timothy found out it was his last day, he actually gave him a hug. ??!! Yes, Albert was quite taken aback, this is the same guy that wouldnt let you touch his shirt. Awefully sweet of him. Before school was over, Reddy warned Albert not to forget her. He countered back saying not even when they would be married, he would forget.

"I'll invite you to my wedding," offered Reddy. " "Well if I did get married, which is unlikely, I would definately invite you." assured Albert. She then gave him a nice smile, and told him, somewhat intuitively, "I have this feeling that you will not be going there," and in a very typical fashion , she continued, "So who will be the bride?"

Just as he was walking out of the class, the ever jovial but ignorant Mee Pei, in a most serious tone of voice, said "This Monday, Chinese class, after school, 5sk1." Albert, in an equally serious tone replied " I dont think I can make it." Thats when it really hit home. This is it. Sixth sense or intuition or not, he IS going there, SMK Stella Marris.

After that, he and a couple of friends went to Mc D for lunch, a sombre affair really. Then they went for game of futsal. At least temporarily he could forget all his worries, and concentrate on his testimonial match. Appart from almost having his jaw dislocated by Sam's poweful but inaccurate kick, and also having both legs suffer serious cramps, it was quite fun. They then decided on doing this kinda thing fortnightly, but Albert sensed that this was largely more for his sake than to satisfy their "passion" for football.

Overall, it was a good way to bow out. 3 perfect days, capped by a good football match. But then again, why should he limit himself to just this three days, when theres a whole year of absolute bliss where he belongs? Everything, everyone was beautiful. From Pn Saro to his girl friends, and guy friends, and everyone in between. It was too much, way too much to walk away from prematurely. But it isn't his choice, going to this new school. Nevertheless, he is still very much subject to the whims and fancies of his parents. So what is he to do? He will try to talk himself out of it. He will pull out all the stops. Even is it escalates to a domestic World War lll, it will be worth it, just a shot at getting back to where he rightly belongs.

So, will he make it? Will he win back the most important thing in his life? You just have to keep your eyes peeled on Monday for a tall, dark, handsome Indian guy with a blue blazer roaming the grounds, with a wide stupid smile on his face.

2007-01-05T07:24:00.000-06:00

2006-2007

You know, the last few days of a year, after Christmas festivities and before the New Year havoc, is simply perfect for just staying idle, doing absolutely nothing. In this sort of mood, he would just reflect on the past year, being in a state of sentimental reminiscencing. So on that note let us give our mouse scrollers a good workout, and skew our delicate eyeballs with over excessive exposures to a plethora of screen glares. Enjoy.

The 2006 started of for Albert on a relatively good note, barring his parents' repeated attempts to enroll him into Catholic High, which is a VERY bad thing, just ask Hema. Fresh from a 7A PMR result, somewhat restored a bit more credibility to himslef. But that in no way prepared him for Add Math. All the horror stories which seemed then slightly exaggerated now did not even put paid to the terror of Add Math.

And then there was his 1st trip to MacDonalds. He was 16. Dont ask. Him and his classmates were audaciously attempting to paint his beloved class 4 sn 1. They managed the painting part. But the cleaning part, was more of a lets-see-how-much-we-can-flood-the-school-before-we-get-in-trouble sorta thing. By "we", he means "them". Although he didnt want to get involved, he inevitably got wet in a girls-gone-wild/wet fest; much to his delight(soaking women are never a bad thing). Soaking wet, they all went to Mc D. "Ba-da-pa-pa-pa, he's lovin it."

The next memorable event.....lets see.........Hari Keusahawanan. He had an "apparantly" simple task, he says apparantly here because the task wasnt as simple as he thought it was. Pearls. Those damn pearls. The Bloody Curse of the Black Pearl. Starring Albert Kamahlendra, Goh Boon Han, and cute harmless little black bubble tea pearls. To make a painfully long story short, Boon Han shirked his responsibility of helping Albert make the pearls(even when the shopkeeper explicitly told them both that it required TWO pairs of hands) and therefore leaving Albert to handle everything in a 6 am mad rush resulting in stubburn pearls that refuse to seperate like bloody balanced electrons(huh?). So yeah, it was Boon Han's fault. Mostly.

And then there was the world cup. It is sad when, the world cup became a showcase of defensive football instead of attacking. But Germany were undoubtedly Albert's favourite. But of course, he was, like any other pathetic England fan. Crouch as striker. That is a joke. Theo more than deserved a chance. And Italy should NOT have won. But hey, Australia wouldnt have gone far if even if they beat Italy like they shouldve. But he did predict that Ronaldinho wouldnt do well in the world cup. Honestly, Brazil were a mess. Happy to see them in a mess.

Next up, Albert's blogging renaissance. Ever since his disastrous attempt at blogging in a 1st person perspective, full of spelling mistakes, and desperately lacking of wit, he gave up on it all together. So he relieved himself of all blogging duties, and delegated it to his alternate personality(yours truly). His 1st major break, "Winds of Change, Fast, Furious and Swift Indeed" received the kind of inspiring feedback as follows:

"hahahahahhahah!!!!man, the story of my life!!! dude, u got one funny blog!!!!!! haha, this right here could be book award winning stuff!!! ahahhahaha, peace man, peace!!!!! you really lifted my day bro, real good shit here!!!! such a drama queen dei!!! hahahahaha, peace........." -Gavin.

Ignore the profanity. But really, Gavin here was the guy that made it all worthwhile. He loves Gavin. And his biceps.

There you have it, 3 highlights of his year(admitedly, he skimped on some details). Now, for the awards & accolades.

BEST SONG OF THE YEAR: "i write sins not tragedies" Although their songs and their song titles have to co-relation whatsoever, they are still very much, a welcome breath of fresh air.

BEST TV SHOW: "Lost" and "Jack & Bobby". Due to indecisiveness, they both shall be nominated. Lost was at the beginning of the season weavering in their plot, it seemed to be going nowhere, but simply was saved by a masterly stroke of brilliance to turn the tables on John "it is your destiny" Locke and Dr "tortured conscience" Jack to put Sawyer in control at the island. He loves Sawyer. "Jack & Bobby" too is quite ingenious by taking us into the lives of the future president and his family in his teens. Engaging characters, intelligent plot, and most of all, a witty script that treats its audience like proper intellectuals. Who wouldnt love it? Lost edges this one.

A moment of silence as we pay our respects to a great tv show that has gone rotten, "Alias". A pregnant double agent doesnt go down well with most people.

BEST BOOK: " The Importance of Living" by Lin Yu Tang. This book was unearthed by Albert a few weeks ago. It was 1st published in 1937. It was his grandfather's book. This book, is on the philosophy of this chinese dude, who probably is already dead. It covers everything from Sex Appeal to The Art of Sitting to Flower Arrangements. Everything you would want to know about life is in this ancient text. Lin Yu Tang, is akin to the proverbial wise man on the mountain, hes got more answers than Google. (It is an English book,in case youre wondering.)

PERSONALITY OF THE YEAR: SuPeRsTaR aka Mansi. There is an entire tribute to her in one of Albert's previous postings. This girl is a revelation to MSN messaging. She is intelligent, witty, and Albert's current personality of the year. For proof, refer to his Shoutout on friendster and the posting "whats that he hears".

PERSON OF THE YEAR: Azhar. Undoubtedly, the greatest guy Albert has come to befriend. He is still sorely missed back at school, but he has now moved on to better things at some fancy boarding school. An ardent Manutd fan, he is the only football-punditing adversary that Albert can indulge in proper footballing debates in defending their respective supported football clubs, appart from "talk to the hand" moments. Sarcastic, acidic humour, delightfully witty, and especially endearing when he blushes, Albert still stands firm in his belief that if Azhar were a girl, he'd fall in love with him/her. Gosh, that must be awkward.

Ahem, moving on swiftly now, (if your eyes can still endure the visual abuse) lets us begin on resolutions.

1. Losing another 5 kgs. Well, last year he lost 5kgs, and even went down 3 dress sizes, so it shouldnt be as difficult as it seems.

2. Making Gavin jealous of Albert's arms.

3. Reastablishing his credibility through yet another brain draining exam. The biggie, SPM.

4. Figuring out exactly what he wants to do with his life.

5. Improving his spelling.

6. Learning how to reload a phone(he only just got a phone, so give him a break).

7. Keeping in touch with all his schoolmates, they are far too precious to let slip.

8. Not having a nervous breakdown when school inevitably ends.

9. Not cutting his hair until the year is over.

And last and probably the least,

10. Finishing Pn. Han's Add Math project, which is 2 months overdue.

And this time, he is definately going to fulfill all his New Year resolutions, except maybe, the last one.

2006-12-26T10:00:00.000-06:00

Post Christmas Post-Mortem

7 birds of chicken. 6 kg of mutton. 5 bags of flour. 4 family members. 3 consecutive days of shopping. 2 narrating personalities. ONE MISSION: Christmas.

( the following post mortem may contain extremely typical and corny details)

First thing's first. Albert must beg your forgiveness for not blogging last week. Also for the last angst-ridden, pre-christmas depression tainted posting. He forgot about Christmas food. Hence, Christmas was a blast.

Well, he has been really busy these past few days. Helping out in the cooking really. But he didnt cook of course, festive dishes are way out of his league, eventhough he can cook. Owh no. Festive dishes are in a class of their own compared to day-to-day cooking. In his mother's class to be specific. When she really cooks, like during a special occasion like this, she SERIOUSLY cooks. Your familiar Indian meat dishes are elevated to heights only a true connoisseur can scale. People like Albert can only dream he could cook like his mom. Wanna know how its like to work in a pressure-cooker kitchen where speed and only the best will do, huh?

Huge amounts of steam billowly rises as the Master Chef punishes the wok with the heavy whippings of her ladle. "Tomato," she utters in a authoritative tone.

The Kitchen boy ignores the perspiration trickling down his face, he instinctively grabs a tomato, removes the pith skillfully with a knife, chops it, and hands it to the Master Chef. Tension freezes the muscles in his face, as the Master chef scans the tomatos, knowing exactly what to look for, and what shouldnt be there. She dumps it into the gurgling curry. Without a word. He heaves a sigh of relief, and has a total of 2 seconds to compose himself, before he is faced with another task demanding more precision and speed.

This goes on for a couple of days, until all cooking were finished. But he has to say, the Devil curry packed more of a punch than a certain football team that goes by similar a name. Just sucking on that piece of mutton bone, feeling every bit like his ancestral predescesors. The bone marrow was simply devine. Truly an Indian delicacy. The curry was fantastic too, especially since she ditched her usual health consciousness and decided for sinful delights like the ones Albert enjoyed. Only once a year, such food. Sigh.

Then of course, was church. There was this 200 strong choir, who gave Albert repeated goosebumps when they sang every song with with a certain devine grandeur. Now this is how you deliver the Christmas message.

So what did he get for Christmas? Nothing actually. But he has many things to be thankful for. His hair for instance. It has never been this long in his entire life. Which is a good thing. And he can keep it this long. Until school of course. And if you followed the previous post, you would know that his mum was trying to switch his school. But the whole thing seems like its going to fall through(not gonna happen). Something about the policy of the other school. Or whatever, he is just happy that he gets to finish his last year at SS17. And he cant wait to get back to school.

And, before he starts getting sentimental, he has to restrain himself, because in the next post he shall give his faithfull readers a recap of the whole year, and his new year resolution, and it will be the longest thing ever, so for now, Happy New Year 2007!!

2006-12-15T09:26:00.000-06:00

"Im having me, a blue, christmas....."

Its that time of the year again, the most hyped up festive season of the year. The smell of money fills the air, as businesses cashes in on all the last minute shopping, and of course, that fat man in the red-suit will start making appearances on TV, malls, and basically anywhere that will support the weight of this obese bugger. Ah, its Christmas time. Again.

Dont get Albert wrong, he is all excited about Christmas. OK, maybe not really. Alright he isnt in anyway interested in the whole elaborate charade that has become of Christmas. But if you do celebrate Christmas, are you really excited about something you've been doing the exact same way every year? Oh well, who is he kidding anyway, its Christmas, of course you people would be beside yourself with anticipation, and if you are, you would'nt in the slightest way be out of place. Well, Albert used to be like you.

He remembers being that bright eyed 7 year old who got all excited about the 30 year old Christmas tree that has become a family heirloom. Decorating it, whilst breaking something in the process. Baking the cookies. Helping out in the kitchen(yeah, cooking used to be a real thrill for him). Coming down the stairs on Christmas day, spotting the presents under the tree, "accidentally" opening his brother's present. All the people that came by his house on that day, and the "ang pou"s he'd get. That was fun. That used to be fun.

Nowadays, it just turns into a weary sense of repetitive dejavu. Its like people who sort of turn back time and relive their day. And they would be able predict everything right before it happens. Just that feeling of being just very detached from it all, and it just happens around you, but you feel alien to it all, like you just dont understand why everyone is cheery and excited, or maybe they are faking it just like how you are, because you just dont want to put a damper on their jolly spirits.

Every year its the same thing. The most annoying reoccurance is probably the tv shows. Those stupid, stupid Christamas tv shows. All pretentiously driving home the message of the "true spirit of Christmas" through stories revolving around an obese stranger in a red suit with an obnoxious laugh forcing himself down your chimney in the middle of the night to drop of presents under your Christmas tree. Sorta like an eccentric DHL man. With an obnoxious laugh. Owh yeah, your suppose to leave him milk and cookies too. Somewhere along these lines lies the "true spirit of Christmas". For goodness sake, if anyone wanted to know the true meaning of Christmas, they, would, go, to, church. Unless of course, they are too busy watching those stupid, stupid, Christmas tv shows. He hates national tv.

Alright, enough Santa bashing. Its just that Santa best represents the misrepresentation of Christmas. But thats not really the problem. Not entirely.

At the time of this posting, there is exactly 10 days to Christmas. In between, there will be all that cooking and cleaning and baking. He will practically go on auto-pilot mode, that is the ONLY way to survive Christmas. On Christmas, he shall hide in the kitchen to avoid any sort of adult conversation, he doesnt know about you, but the adults he knows, are witless, dull, boring conversationalists. They suck the very life out of you. If they at least "compensate" it with money in packets, it wont be half as bad, but it seems that somewhere along the line they just stopped giving anything. What happened to the THEIR Christmas spirit?!! Alright, so Albert is guilty of losing his Christmas cheer too. But can you blame him?

Well, he isnt exactly against the whole idea of Christmas. Its just this whole elaborate charade, is just weighing down on his spirits. Well, at least, no matter how down he gets, he can always look forward to school aint it? Not this time. His mom is hell bent on changing his school, she came close last year, it seems she might actually finish the job this year. Its amazing how you can take certain things for granted, and only realize its true value in your life once you've lost it. Yeah, bummer.

So theres is absolutely nothing for him this Christmas. But dont let him put a damper on your Christmas. He's sure all you guys are gonna have one heck of a Christmas.

Soo.

Yeah.

Whatever, Merry Christmas to you too.

2006-12-11T09:28:00.000-06:00

Senior's party

Yeah, Albert knows what your're thinking. Another party. But hey, Manishya asked him to go, and you really dont say no to a gal like that.

Alright, straight to the main event shall we. Well, the weather was predictably overcast. He did some walking before entering the lobby of Lakeview Club. He was already going over all the superlatives he was gonna use to describe the girl that would be waiting at the reception. He found out later that it really wouldnt matter.

He strolled in, hoping he didnt walk into the wrong building, considering his terrible sense of direction, then he saw Shannon, who gave him his ticket. Manishya's familiar voice came from somewhere telling him to have a seat at the lobby , he didnt really notice her, alredy making his way to the lobby. He sat heavily, and was suddenly overcome with nervousness.

As he was playing with his handphone, he glimpsed a pair of gorgoues legs sprouting from 3 inch heels, he looked up to see the owner of those legs. He didnt deserve the sight, but there it was, in all her glory, fitted into a tight, tiny black, glittery dress. She flashed him a smile, he looked on stupefied. Time grinded to a halt, his heart skipped a beat(maybe more), white noice filled his brain, it was as tho the very spirit of every male that ever acknowledged the highest form aesthetic beauty that is the female culminated in this very moment, this blip in the fabric of time through all eternity. With such a burden on Albert's back to express this into a sentence that includes adjectives and superlatives that was due to the Godsent creature in front him, what does he say?

"I..I...you..you...look....WHOA!!!"

Inspirational indeed.

So as he tried patheticly to make conversation while his mind was still in a state of flux, people filled the room, and finally Albert too went into the room, just feeling the blood finally flow back into his brain. As he entered the room, the song "Promiscuos" was playing in the background. He felt the hair on the back of his neck stand.( refer to previous post "Take The Lead, Please; about dancing)

As people were filling up the room, he started to feel somewhat out of place being the only 4th former. Then Raveen provided some much needed company. He appreciated that. Then the DJ announced that the food was ready to be savaged, and he dint have to say twice. So Albert ate, exchanged pleasentries while at it, and got brutally attacked by 2 man utd fans, Ashvin and Manishya. Its true what they say, a man is at his weakest when he is full. Well, all you Man Utd fans, I'll tell you, it wont be long before Chelsea climb back on top, that's for SURE.

And then, the dance floor opened. And so he joined everyone in on the dancefloor, only after Manishya dragged him out there. The lyrics were full of colourful language, strange analogies or metaphors(milk the cow, milkshake, humps) and other more, ahem direct ones. But hey, its about the music right?

Eventually he broke away from the crowd and huddled in a corner. He then spotted a gal sitting behind this barlike longish table with a high stool. She was cute. He told himself that if he had the balls he'd just be able to walk up to her and strike up a conversation with this gal who was seemingly bored. He forgot about her as he followed Manishya to the bar, she was getting herself a Margarita, and it was interesting to watch the bartender doing his stuff. Then, following her, he went to the exact place where the gal was sitting, and sitting between him and the gal was Ashvin. In front of Albert was Manishya, whom he was sharing the drink with. It was too strong for him, and considering it was a "ladies" drink, he cant imagine what a "macho" drink would taste like.

Then Ashvin and Manishya scooted off to the dance floor, and it was only him and the gal there. For a while he didnt say anything, just soaking in the atmosphere. Then their eyes met. She smiled at him, and he returned the gesture. And the rest they say, is history. They introduced each other, her name was Trishantini. And they made what little conversation they could with the music blazing, making it hard to even think. And she asked for his number.

Score.

Touchdown.

Whatever man, who da man, who da man??!!

After that, the atmosphere started to mellow, and it was midnight already. People started to leave. People were taking pictures. He took one with Manishya.

And then, he had to leave. But before, he took a look, just one last look, at you-probably-know-who.

2006-12-11T09:26:00.000-06:00

B.E.A.T.S.

So Albert was thinking yeah, just stringing random thoughts into ideas, when he stumbles upon this cool idea. Its like when a moment of inspiration comes over you, an impetus, giving birth to great ideas and such. Well, he was thinking about the idea of a band, now check this out:
B:Boon, bassist
E:Evan, drummer
A:Albert, cant play anything, so its vocalist then
T:Tim, guitarist
S:Sam, keyboardist
Beats. Sounds original, especially since its an acronym. Its all really nice, but theres a small problem, Albert cant sing. Yeah, small problem.
But hey, it all fits soo nicely together, what the heck if Albert cant sing. Of course, they could get another person whose name starts with an "A", and who could actually sing. But for the sake of this blog posting lets just assume that there is absolutely nobody whose name starts with an "A" and who can also sing.
Maybe, they could follow in the footsteps of the band Ask Me Again, maybe even surpass them. They might even gain a loyal following. They would do numerous gigs everywhere and be soo much in demand that they would temporarily forget about getting an actual job. They'ed be the hottest thing in KL, or Bangsar and some say Batam(wherever the hell that is).
Then they would release their 1st album, under Sony BMG. Their 1st single, "Beats Me", becomes their breakthru song, hits No.1 everwhere, and every music station will be playing it(even the tamil ones). Critics will be hailing B.E.A.T.S. as the best thing to happen to Malaysian music:
"They're soo good, they just cant be local!!"
"Their infectious tunes and clever lyrics will leave you with involuntary dance movements and lip sync-ing"
"Cuba sekali, pasti mau lagi!"
Rave reviews indeed.
Then their breakthru in the international scene will come with their 2nd single, "Beat it", followed up by "Beat You Up" and the phenomenal success of the song "Beat-rice". Fame, fortune, and everything else falls in the laps of B.E.A.T.S. members. Also a chunk of musical history too.
But first, singing lessons of course.

2006-11-24T23:19:00.000-06:00

Use your imagination

" I open my eyes, and as I take my 1st conscious breath, I see magnificient golden rays of sunlight filtering through the naked windows. Nature's symphony already proceeding with the chirping of birds, far away muffled barking and late insects headed back to their lairs. The tiltating aroma of freshly brewed coffee teases my already pampered senses, as I slip out of my bed in a zen-like state. I am the picture of serenity. Peace is me, and I am peace."

Albert wishes he could say that that is the truth, or that that is only a slightly exaggerated version of the reality. But come on, get real. Its the holidays, Albert's worst time of the year. He knows you all are probably flabbergasted, but really, in Albert's world, holidays are all hype. So here in real life, this is how it really goes.

"I am having a nice dream. Neighbour's stupid mutt wakes me up. I am blinded be the immense amout of light that burns my eyes. I curse the last person who pulled the curtain apart(which incidentally is me). I freak out seeing the cockroach I thought I killed last night on the wall opposite me. I jump out of my bed as I assume that the roach is back with a vengence. I knock over the table and fall to the floor like I'm van Nistelrooy diving for a penalty. I curse the person who put the table there( guess who). I stumble forward, then have my ear drums busted by my mom yelling at me to finish my already cold breakfast. Great, cold, bland coffee my mom's style. The curse is probably working already."

Sigh.

The thing is he misses school, in fact he dreams about his friends almost everday, going back to school on the first day of form 5, and his beloved friends engaging in certain activities in his dream that he was glad he woke up from before it happened. The monotenous repetitve routine during the holidays is starting to drain any bit of life that he has left in him. The cycle of banality is really starting to get to him. Not to mention his mom who is starting to irritate Albert with her lectures, like 10 nails screeching in elaborate zig-zag patterns on a big blackboard, slowly, grating the goo-ey substance that is his brain into thin little strips of pinkish matter, thread by thread.

But Albert remembers the words of a wise man. A wise, obnoxious man. A wise, obnoxious man in a purple dinosaur suit. A wise, obnoxious man in a purple dinosaur suit prancing around in a hit children's show that is way past its sell by date. He says: " Use your imagination." Three powerfull words. "Use your @#%$ imagination" Oops, thats 4.

(Shereena is expecting to be mentioned here, but sorry hon, only thing mildly related to you here is the colour purple, but really, Albert did draw some degree of inspiration from you for this post)

It is mildly disconcerting when one has to resort to taking advise from a man who jumps around excitedly in his airtight purple suit like he just farted in it. But then again, when one is in such dire straits, anything goes. Well, here goes. Lets imagine that the next 42 days of the holidays is not gonna be that bad. Maybe I might just wake up on the right side of the bed(although theres is only one side to get out of from my bed as it is against a wall). Maybe every day might just start out nice, like this:

" I open my eyes, and as I take my 1st concsious breath, I see magnificient golden rays of sunlight filtering through the naked windows. Nature's symphony already proceeding with the chirping of birds, far away muffled barking and late insects headed back to their lairs. The tiltating aroma of freshly brewed coffee teases my already pampered senses, as I slip out of my bed in a zen-like state. I am the picture of serenity. Peace is me, and I am peace."

Right.

2006-11-24T23:17:00.000-06:00

Take the lead, please.

Albert and his favorite online companion, a girl, were IM-ing. Actually it is the same aforementioned girl in the previous post. Apparently, she was soo overwhelmed with the apologetic posting that she couldn’t help but allow her heart to just melt away, along with any bitterness towards Albert. Soo much so that she and Albert decided to kiss and make up (not literally of course, it’s a bloody metaphor), and forgive and forget, for the best of their friendship. Maybe it was partly because she just can’t get enough of him, it’s a wonder what a few well chosen words in a blog posting can do. Alright then, better stop gloating, she might just be reading this too, and hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. Alright, back to the topic.

They stumbled unto the topic of dancing. And considering that this special girl has been a dancefloor hogger since kingdom come, and Albert, well lets just say theres a damn good reason why he hopes that his dancing ability is in no way related to his sexual prowess, a la that Animal Planet episode(which was also mentioned before here), this girl then indulged in the ultimate deed of magnanimity- she decided to give him some tips.

Albert told the girl his motto when it comes to dancing, that he would simply "talk" the girl out of noticing his pathetic dancing abilities, hoping that he can just cross his fingers and engage in conversation with the girl, since his body language isnt going to be anything close to decipherable. Which the girl then promptly in no uncertain terms let Albert know that that was THE lamest thing she had ever heard. Give him a break, desperate dudes resort to desperate measures. Besides, its just freestyle dancing isnt it, what's the worst that could happen?

Now you think that the following statement is probably going to contradict the previous one isnt it? You’re damn right about that.

She could dirty dance you, she says. Yeah, like THATS gonna happen. The only chance of that happening is that if theres a sexy song playing in the background, like maybe Buttons or Promiscuous, which happen to be hot songs that are played quite frequently. The imminent possibility then dawned on Albert. Gulp. He is definately all ears now.

Accoording to the girl( havent got exclusive rights to her name, since she is particularly sensitive about it), if she dances close to you, that means you should probably hold her. But one must also afford the girl enough space to do her own "thing", since she herself would'nt like following a guy's lead. Now, seemingly self-contradictory statements which are soo subjective on how a helpless guy should reciprocate when faced with do-or-face-humiliation-on-the-dancefloor situations do not help much to quell any anxiety, in fact, God forbid, it might even confuse a poor guy like Albert. He can already imagine holding and "unholding" a girl in such rapid succession that she would probably think he was groping her. Lets all together now sigh and shake our heads.

Whats that? Its all about body language? Its easy for you to sit there and think that, unless you happen to be a good dancer, then you can tell Albert about body language. Hell, if it came down to body language he would be bloody speaking in tongues dammit! He's pretty much a no hoper. Lets all sigh again.

So now, if you would kindly excuse Albert and all the expletives that were mindlessly ejaculated (yes that word has more that one usage), he has to download a couple of excerpts of Dancing for Dummies and persuade his favourite mop to practice with him(at least it wont dirty dance him).

2006-11-24T10:19:00.001-06:00

Your perception, is my reality

Perception is reality. Albert firmly believes that. It doesnt matter what the reality actually is, but instead all that matters is what people perceive the apparent reality to be. Albert is feeling a little uneasy lately, mostly because the common, decent perception of him is taking a nose dive. Bad, bad, bad.

Recently, a couple of days before the last day of school, Albert found himself among his friends, having their usual conversation to beat the terrible boredom that is accustomed with end year schooling. Suddenly, as the conversation took a direction he was reluctant to follow, he found himself having to defend a barrage of verbal attacks from his friends, and even in doing soo, still ended up on the losing end. It was as though the characters in his life had staged a mutiny against Albert and his seemingly well orchestrated life revolving around them, and they wanted to dissect his image, and find out the real ugly person inside. They came pretty close.

But a girl got pissed at him. A girl he was close to. You know who you are, you may or may not be reading this, but its meant for you. Albert has already apologised, there isnt much else he can say. So for gawd's sake, would you just forgive this jackass and cease this Cold War between you and him. He did what he did out of pure desperation just to communicate with you. He thinks the world of you, he loves to "entertain" or "bore" you whenever you feel like it. He loves to tell you about Boon Han and Eva Longoria. About the "shaft". About his stupid fascinations of other girls. He loves to listen to your stories, about your cute nieces, whether they're 16 months or 16 years old. Because its YOU! He never got a chance to reply that beautiful testimonial you sent him, mostly because he took you for granted, guess you dont know what you've got till its gone.....eh?

2006-11-08T08:33:00.000-06:00

Christopher's party

Before Albert begins on the party, lets start on Thusday yeah? Pn Han was going on about how everyone did badly for addmath, and said that a lot of people failed add math, and Albert immediatly just started bracing himself for the worst, he really wasnt confident after doing the exam. He told himself that if he did pass he would fall to his knees as a heavenly spotlight will fall from the sky and illuminate his face and heavenly music played by angels will fill his ears as tears of joy flow down his cheeks. He really thought he wouldnt pass. But then good old Gao-cant-wait-for-paper-to-be-given-out-Loong decided to do some snooping around brought forth good news. Gao Loong reported that Albert got 46, a pass. Then he started rattling off on other people's marks but that didnt matter, this was the best thing that Gao Loong had ever told him, and he was in delirious ecstasy. Nothing dramatic happened though, as he was talking to Kosheila at the time, and, well, you see, it isnt macho for tears of joy or whatever to happen. When Albert checked out his horoscope after school, it said: "Something will happen to you today, but it should have happened a long time ago." You got that right.
All right. The party. Actually it was a little get together of Chris' friends and his twin sister's friends. It would be nice to say that they met(pun fully intended) in Meeting Point, the restaurant. But no, they all pit-stopped at Tim's before going there. So, Albert shall give you the low down of how they looked.

Amritha, had a typical top. A speghetti strap. Its almost as though as if her wardrobe were full of the exact same tops, just of different colour. She had jeans, and this bag that matched her jeans. Mei Pei looked cute as usual. Shes totally not gonna stay single for long. Redreena were there too. Who you ask? You know, that single entity, who just happen to be in different bodies, Reddy and Shereena of course. Hence, Redreena. They really are soo close, they go everywhere together, do everything together, in fact if they were any closer, they would be able to feel each other's cellular mitosis.

" ooh, your cellular mitosis feels tingly today Reddy!"

"Really?! Must be the vegetable curry I had!!"(shes a vegetarian)

Nothing special about Reddy or Shereena this time, did like the earings, her footwear was some strange sandle with straps all the way up 5 or 6 inches from her heels meeting the end of her slacks. Must be the latest thing to not have slacks go all the way down. Also, one cant help, Albert stresses the "cant help" part, to notice that cleavages are somewhat dipping among girls. Probably reflects their confidence in being able to pull off the outfit. Not that he's complaining.

All right, the party.

So, they all converged at Meeting Point, its by no coincidence that this is John's Aunt's joint. Chris' dad put out Rm 400 bucks for the food, so yeah, the food was free. He had no choice but to sit next to Amritha, and opposite Shereena and Reddy( he can almost hear all your eyes rolling), There wasnt any more spacious place other than there. Notable absentees were Tess-gone to Singapore, and Dian, Amritha saying that she supposedly didnt "feel" like coming, a bit dubious that cover up excuse, or soo it seems, maybe she had some place more important to be.

They had the entire inside for themselves. 4 tables of teenagers. Appoximately 40 people there. They had a nice hearty meal, laughed, joked, talked. Amritha was entertaining conversation as usual, really, the girl really has the gift of the gab, an excellant conversationalist, mostly cause she wont stop. Shereena's loyalty to Reddy has to be commended here, she took exactly what Reddy took, which meant she skipped any meat and had to settle for fried rice only. If it were Albert he really wouldnt give a rat's ass about it, he'd whack all the food in sight. Which is exactly what he did. Its free what!

Then Sam strutted in, fashionably late(not!!), with a gorgeous girl, chinese, but had refined features that would seem like she had a little more than just chinese blood, Eurasian somewhere somehow maybe? Well, she clinged to Sam like anything, he was cordial enough to introduce her, Jo Ling her name, but Albert cant remember if he refered to her as a friend or ......... Well anyways, if she was Sam's, Albert has to say he really scored.

Then there was a buzz among the guys. Could it be for real? No way, THE Mrs Betty was coming over. Albert couldnt believe it. She was the tuition teacher for almost all the Christopher's guy friends that were there, and they would go on and on about how good looking she was, the fact that you had to call her MRS Betty is enough to make you sigh. She strolled in, sunglasses and all, and a blouse, that was soo thin that it would probably float in air, and yeah, it was kinda see-thru. Well, the verdict: She was hot. Pretty too. No wonder she's got a steady stream of students. But of course, she probably can teach as well. Sat next to Albert, making other chinese dudes considerably jealous. Albert did manage to exchange pleasentries and make her laugh a little, but Sean had to always butt in, Albert might as well afford him a little chance too. Sharing is caring.

Then John did the almost unbelievable thing ever. Albert played with the idea of John singing for the crowd when he noticed a karaoke set, but everyone quickly shot down his idea by saying John wouldnt have the guts to do it. Well, they have to eat their words then. John announced that he was going to sing, and wanted everyone to lend their ears(this is a metaphor), which was followed with a pin drop silence, as everyone was considerably suprised. Then they cheered. John asked Christina to stand close to him as it was dedicated to her. Then everyone cheered louder. You see John had talent, but he was shy. And he didnt have Christina. And soo the lyrics to Belaian Jiwa accompanied the music as John serenaded a decent effort for Christina and everyone was beside themselves as this could be right out of a movie. It was cut short as he was nervous and maybe forgot the lyrics. He then did another short snippet from High School Musical without music. Sure it sounds corny, but if you wernt there, you wouldnt have felt the emotion emating straight from his heart, and gosh, if he sang anymore, people would start crying. Christina was noticably uncomfortable, but Albert sincerely hopes, for John's sake, that he can get over her. Not that he cant get her, its just that it doesnt seem that love stories actually have a nice happy ending in real life where the couple end up riding into the sunset........ Then he hugged her at the end, maybe as a show of his jesting, or maybe thats all he could expect from her.

Then there was the traditional candle blowing after the birthday song. Did you know long ago, that it was once considered witchcraft this practice of lighted candles on cakes, then then catholic church banned it, but evidently it has come back. So Albert shall not prolong the suffering of your eyes and end you misery with a quick and abrupt ending, for a lack of better ideas and words of course. Soo, they all were merry and ate, drank, joked and did what teenagers do. Then they left just as the rain started pouring, damn weather. Soo the guys all crashed at, guess where? Tim's house of course!

2006-11-08T08:12:00.000-06:00

I dunno, I really dont.

Albert in the midst of a dull one-way conversation with Bernoulli, Pascal and Archimedes who were being very dogmatic in forcing loads of principles, laws and unit conversions down his throat(physics exam tomorrow) when his mom rudely interrupted: "Have you decided what you want to do?"

There is always a staple answer for these seemingly rhetorical questions. Being a teenager, " I dunno" is a convenient reply to everything. ie, "Have you eaten?" "I dunno." "How do you feel" " I dunno." , "what happened to your extensive vocab" " I dunno." and such. Each well timed exactly 2 seconds after the question is asked, and all similarly monotoneous.

Soo what did he reply? " I dunno." "Well figure it out." her short retort came back.

He did try to ignore the question, but then looking at the physics conference he was about to retreat to, he figured a little detour wouldnt hurt. So he exited the imaginary room, walked past Bio, and Chem rooms and down the corridor, and exited thru an imaginary door that said "Study". He went down the well lit imaginary hall, took a right and stood in front of a door that his imagination rarely traveled to. The door creaked as he opened it, held the detached door knob in his hand( he tried to be gentle) and shut it behind him. It was a musty and old place. He waded thru cobwebs. Turned on the light. Here he was, in room "Ambition", located on the right of his brain.

He then started to sift thru old files.

3 years old. Wanted to be a garbage collector. Because he could then hang onto the side of the truck as it gobbled up tons of trash. Didnt know what body odour was then, now he does, soo he'll pass on this one.

5 years old. Wanted to be a construction worker. Because they built big, real buildings, and he could only build with Lego. He was fair then, skin colour and sun burns didnt matter to him. Now he's dark and it matters to him. Pass.

10 years old. Wanted to be a doctor. Because mom brainwashed him to do soo. He didnt know then he had to at least like bio or do well in it. P-A-S-S!!

12 years old. Dear old friend, Evelyn Toh Kheng Liong, of the same age, wanted to be a psychiatrist. Had too much foresight for her age, so naturally she was teased alot. Albert considered it, but not seriously until now. Possible.

14 years old. Wanted to be a cook. That was before the amount of culinary faux pas that was really an understatement to the kind of disasters he cooked up in the kitchen when he was an incompetent cook. A much better cook now, but he doesnt like constantly being exploited to cook for the family. A possiblity, although its pretty much wishful thinking to dream to be a high paid chef, those in hotels and all. Not much career wise. Pass.

16 years old-Wants to be a writer. He hasnt experianced much to dismiss that ambition. But looking at the history of his ambitions, it will eventually probably be dismissed. Being the optimistic person he thinks he is, lets just see how long this will last. Cons? Maybe not a very high paying job. But that's relative, cause if he were working with any leading British newspaper as a sports journalist, he would fancy his chances of watching football games live for free. Well someone has to cover the match right? So its not all about the money. Regardless its a very bright prospect. Nothing definate though.

Exits musty, depressing room through secret door leading straight to physics room.(its his imagination, he can have secret doors leading to anywhere he wants) Finds Bernoulli in a heated discussion.

"Why is it Archimedes' principle instead of Archimede's principle? Its Pascal's principle isnt it?" "Good point my good man," replied Pascal. "ahh, the english expert is here, Albert, lets ask him," suggested Archimedes.

" Your all supposed to be dead and neither of you actually speak english, your're a figment of my imagination, and your're suppose to help me with physics, soo do you think I really care-" Albert was cut off by his mom,

" So, have you decided"

She looked like she actually expected Albert to figure out what he wanted to do with his life in the 2 minutes that she left him after posing the question. What did he say?-

1 second

.

.

.

2 seconds

.

.

.

" I dunno"

2006-10-28T21:54:00.000-05:00

somewhere, a duck is watching you

There are great patriots who would die for their country, martyrs who would die for their religion, and hopeless romantics that would die for their love. Brave men indeed. But surely, they must be afraid of something?? Yes, they maybe willing to give up their lives, but surely they are susceptible to something? Don’t be surprised to find out if these great men hide an Achilles Heel like, maybe, Anatidaephobia- fear that somewhere, somehow, a duck is watching you. Or maybe Arachibutyrophobia- fear of peanut butter sticking to the roof of the mouth. But he digresses.
For the point of the matter is that Albert has his fears too. Think Erotophobia- the fear of marriage, dating, and romantic relationships. Yes, his faithful fans will tell you that this has been mentioned before, but as trivial and petty this may seem at his age, do hear him out.
This is for real. Not just those things that you would just grow out of. He has asked himself this question many times, what really is the point of getting married? If he liked kids that would be a different matter, but he doesn’t. He himself comes from a semi-dysfunctional family, which maybe lies the root of the problem. Where is the love, a group that named themselves after a non-existent vegetable would holler, well, no where near this amigo that’s for sure. Let us consider the repercussions of a singleton’s life. The freedom is one thing, dying a lonely man is another.
Lets start with something random like say, hmm, maybe, somewhere, like, sex. Ohhh, the TABOO subject. Well don’t get all disgusted with him, of course theres more to marriage than sex, and it definitely isnt the ONLY thing on his mind, mind you. But in accordance to his religion, premarital “seed-spreading” is sinful. But its actually a beautiful thing, let him put it this way-
“ you can lose yourself, everything, all boundaries, all time, the two bodies become soo mixed up that you don’t know who’s who or what’s what, and just when the sweet confusion soo intense you think you’re going to die, and you know you kinda do, leaving you alone in your separate body, but the one you love is still there. That’s the miracle, you can go to heaven and come back alive, go back anytime you want with the one you love.”
Wouldn’t it be an absolute shame to miss out on that? Thou thinketh him shallow are thou not? Well go screw thouself, he maintains his romantic views about it. But with no wife=no going to heaven and back.
Also, his mom constantly daydreams about his marriage, the perfect daughter in law and such. He wouldn’t want to break her heart by saying no to marriage. Also being the eldest, it is expected for him to lead by example; also mom wants to arrange the whole thing. No worries though, she sets her standards soo high she’ll never finding a living person who fits the profile willing to go to heaven with Albert INSIDE wedlock.
Somehow, he thinks marriage is society’s way to trap young people to adhere to an accepted social structure whereby the building blocks starts at the family. He wants to be George Clooney, bachelor for life. But then again, he feels that one would be a failure if they don’t have a family to show off. Hence the dilemma, which is as much of a problem as it would be if it came from a 36 year old, instead of another rant from a teenager. Because Albert has foresight. Which is refreshing cause some guys have more foreskin than foresight. Still it is pretty distant a problem, 20 years down the road.
Maybe by then he would have made up his mind. Maybe he would fall helplessly in love with some girl who would sweep him off his feet and get hitched with him before Albert can even say “pre-nup?” But if not, it is going to have to be a one-way ticket to heaven then would'nt it?

2006-10-28T21:53:00.000-05:00

what's that he hears?

Would you believe Albert if he told you, that he knows a girl, who hates to shop? Now what is that he hears? The entire female population going " is she even human?!" Yes she is.
Or that she is a passionate football fan, Man Utd to be exact, not those who just like watching 22 pretty men running round? Now what is that he hears? Males going "well can she describe the offside rule?" Probably better than most of you could.
And to top that off, she's drop dead gorgeous. Now what is that he hears? The jaws of the entire male population dropping to the keyboard simultaneously exclaming " no freakking way man!", "you gotta be kidding me!", " you must be dreaming!" Well, yes freaking way, he's not kidding you, and he isnt dreaming. He's pinched himself everytime he's seen her. So pick your jaw off the keyboard and keep reading.
Now just consider how lucky the guy who gets her would be(yeah, she's single), he would'nt have to listen to complaints everytime he went to watch a game, in fact he would be placing bets with this special girl he scored. He would'nt have to worry about a shopoholic girlfriend burning a hole in his pocket and also would'nt be dragged off to spend hours on a shopping marathon on the pretext of "spending time" with the girlfriend( which is bull coz your're there only to pay the shopping bill), because, well frankly, she doesn't like to shop either. He also would'nt have to worry about replying her every single non-stop sms's within a certain time limit before she flips and goes on her " you just don't care bout me" routine again. And he need'nt worry bout using up his credit with fake " I miss you" 's just to keep her mouth shut. Why, coz she aint got no handphone. That lucky S.o.B. that gets her. Well never mind that, Albert guesses the bigger question that's rippling through the blogosphere is: How the hell did Albert get to know her? Well, his mom always told him he was lucky, but he never believed in luck, well until now at least.
A month back, Albert was used to being reduced to just watching this girl, literally poetry in motion, from a safe distance, in school, during recess. Then when his loyal friend/fact spitting walking wikipedia/underdog-ish loser sidekick that everyone loves to loathe except Albert who was wondering what use their friendship was for, found out about it, he came to the rescue, producing the girl's msn to the ever-grateful Albert. Good old Gao Loong. What would he do without you, sidekick, buddy, friend, omnipotent at looking up emails and friendster accounts with very desirable results, dude.
Well, she was very friendly on msn, and even more in real life, yup, he actually talked to her. What is that he hears? Jealous murmerings? Well that's only the tip of the iceberd amigo. Apparently, she also enjoys his company. In fact, it would'nt be exactly far fetched to say that they have some sort of chemistry(well that's the only type of chemistry which he didn't suck at) They also indulge in a little harmless, innocent flirting. Playfully calling each other honey and sweetheart and such. What is that he hears? Hair-pulling and smashing of heads on keyboards? Well at least don't ruin your mouse, you still have to continue scrolling down.
But Albert has to draw the line somewhere, so he just tells her that he only wants to be "friends". What is that he hears? An exasperated echo-ing of "what the hell were you thinking you @#$%!!!!" Well admittedly, he doesnt think when he's around her, obviously, its soo hard to concentrate on anything other than her. But hey, he's come to the conclusion that he doesnt have the emotional depth to take things beyond friendship. In fact, these things only ruin perfectly good frienships when the inevitable break-up comes round, coz its bull when they say "lets just be friends". He also has erotophobia- the fear of dating, and romantic relationships and marriage. Soo that pretty much sums it up, a little less competition for other guys isn't it?
Owh whats that he hears? Just that girl heaving a sigh of relief after Man Utd came back from 1-0 down to win 3-1. Owh well, Albert will just hope that Chelsea thrashes Reading and edge Man Utd from the top by goal difference, whatcha think, honey?

2006-10-28T21:51:00.000-05:00

Simply put-Sean's Party

Life in itself is meaningless. Your's, Albert's, just inconsequential. Like imprints on the Sands of Time, to be eventually ebbed away for other imprints. Even so, you can take solace in the fact that there will be short moments in your life that will be a class above the rest of your piteous and banal existance. Yesterday, was one of those moments in Albert's life. Maybe a little dramatic, but hey, cut him some slack, he ain't got much of a life.
Still, it was very special. To give you some of the highlights, Shereena ask him the meaning of another word, Reddy willingly let him stare at her breast(ok, ok! CHEST), Tim-Wen made out and owh yeah, Albert kissed a girl for the first time in his life. Here are the lucid details-
It all started when he entered Sean's house. Huddled in the living space outside his home, were Tim-Wen, Boon, Tess, Amritha, Dian, Chris Teh, and Sean. JT, Micheal, and Sam were sweating over the barbeque. Aha, no wonder the meat tasted a little too salty. Well all these people, crammed in that small space, was his entire world, well at least half his world, cause there were still a few people who wern't there yet. But they don't know, prolly never will know how much they mean to him. They welcomed him, he grabbed the food instead(hey, friends are forever, food isnt).
He joined them as they were in the middle of their meals, being merry, Tim was back at his comic best, although a little bit distracted by wen. Albert's eyes danced upon everyone, Tess was always fashionable, Amritha almost predictably in black, and Dian seemed to be donning something typical, generous with the skin, but the effect has sort of worn off. As he was in a tussle with his meat, Boon gestured to the gate after annoucing Sher and Anu's arrival in a whisper, then loudly, shouted: " eh! leng loi!!" Damn, very leng loi indeed.
As his mouth feasted on the meat, his eyes feasted on Reddy, the appetizer, then the main course, Shereena in an almost over the top dress ending in the middle her thighs. Its a pity tho, if she had seriously high heels, those legs would be gorgeous. And so it was, seated on his right, Dian, left, Reddy and Shereena, and almost immedietly, he lost his appetite for the food, for he had something else to feast on now.
Then there was the games. The first one was rather interesting, maybe a little violent. They all formed a cicle(it seems this is the most popular shape). Then they were supposed to grab the weapon, an intimidating newspaper rolled so thickly and covered in plastic, upon doing so, they had the liberty to whack someone with it. Albert got whacked by Boon, who did a decent job, but soon after Albert showed him the proper way to do it, it was sweet revenge indeed. And then an absurd game ensued, not really worth mentioning.
Owh, then the cake cutting part. Heavenly ice cream cake. Gulped down his champagne, which only heated him up. Then the best part, they had little game of truth or dare.

The lights dimmed, and they crowded into a circle(again! circle! what's wrong with triangles or squares huh?!)
The empty champagne bottle was in the centre, it was spun, and the game began. Gao Loong after much deliberating, asked Dian whether she had done her Add math homework after Dian chose Truth. Yeah, nice one Gao Loong. Albert was waiting for the bottle to point his way, but it just did not want to. Instead, they had Boon doing a semi-striptease after absolutely refusing to take ALL his clothes off, a dare by Tess(yeah, figures). And then Micheal did a little jig with Reddy, but Albert was getting bored by now. Then came Sher’s turn to spin the bottle. Yeah, all it took was that special touch, and the bottle stopped pointing at him. He let out a scream, for he was really waiting for this moment. Oooooh, and Shereena didn’t disappoint. “Truth or Dare?” she asked. He picked dare, cause he would have lied his way out of Truth anyway. She thought for a while, but it was almost as though she already had it in her mind, it was quite a fantastic idea. Their eyes locked for a while, as everyone dropped silent. “Except me, pick someone of the opposite sex and kiss her. Owh yeah, she has to be special." They looked at each other for a little while more, as he was struck by the irony of her emphasis of a special girl. The crowd went into raptures, for this is what makes the game what it is. Just to exact a measure of revenge, he would have willingly French kissed her for daring him in the first place, but she had already exempted herself. There were random, predictable names strewn out from all the deafening noise, he ignored them all, they weren’t much of a help. He had to think fast, and quickly he ruled out everyone that he could ill afford to kiss. He couldn’t give them their satisfaction, so all Indian gals were ruled out, besides there would be endless taunting. Just for kicks, he gave Tess a hard stare, “You know this look,” he teased. Boy, the expression on her face was worth a million bucks. A weird look of horror and disgust manifested itself in a twisted face, vigorous head shaking, and almost “pleading for mercy” lips. That was fun. Well it was down to business now. It was really a no brainer, Wen was the only one that he could get away with kissing. Besides, Tim already gave him his approval. Just a quick peck, but wen kinda had her eyes shut soo tightly, like she was expecting him to land it on her lips or something.
Well, the rest just pales in comparison with that kiss. But he suspected Sher was engaging in some sort of phone sex on a more suble context. Well, it might seem like he's taking some sort of revenge on her thru this blog, but he has evidance. She kept dissapearing with her phone, and then she asked him how to spell "middie". It was supposed to indicate the length of her skirt( it was until the middle of her thigh). And then she proceeded to type furiously on her phone. Now, you tell him, isn't it mildly odd that she should be descriptive of her clothes(or lack of it) thru sms? For her sake, I hope its not some sick dude on the receiving end, but its prolly nothing. He just wanted to bring that up to piss her off.
And soo, the rest of the party proceeded with with tim-wen making out, prolly making sure any traces Albert left on her was wiped away with "lurrrve". Shereena also asked him what "emulate" meant, this time it wasn't cute, it was a dumb question. C'mon Shereena!! Emulate damn it!! How can you NOT know?!! Yeah, still trying to piss her off. He also had the chance to gaze at Reddy's bre -chest, chest! On the pretext of taking a closer look at this chinese character imprinted there. Then the present opening time. Everything from chocolates to weird mug like thingys and shirts. Of course, the best part was the football boots, it was a Nike. Lucky S.O.B. . He got a somewhat mysterious cd from Albert, the only thing that retained its anonymity once the wrappers were torn off. Albert told him to check it out ALONE. Go figure.
And soo the party ended. He was sad. Then Reddy and Shereena left. He was even more sad. Boon Han, fresh from a Need for Speed race with Brandon( Sean's 10 year old bro) which he took soo much pride in FINALLY beating, beckened to Albert, as boon's mom was here. He put on his shoes, put the shoelaces in his pocket(blame the stupid game which wasn't mentioned here). He got in the car, and ruefully acknowledged that this "moment" has finally come to a full CIRCLE( damn! another circle).

2006-10-28T21:43:00.000-05:00

corny ending alert!!

Have you ever had one of those moments, where you find yourself reading or watching tv where the character is in an unenviable position, a cliché moment where its hard to believe that its just merely pure coincidence where the character is on the wrong end of a classic case of cruel irony? Yes, we often point and laugh at these situations, thinking that such things only exists in the realm of fiction. How very wrong we are, for life does in fact imitate art as much as art imitates life.
Even in real life, we can often find ourselves bemoaning our luck, that special “oh great, that’s just great!!” moment. In fact we aren’t actually exclaiming how great our situation is, but we are in all actuality mirroring our sad predicament with such an oxymoronic ejaculation. Its called pure irony folks.
Albert’s life has a good share of irony. Yes, everything from the ones that make you grab a tissue box, to the ones where you roll on the ground with uncontrollable laughter.
As I begin to narrate an important event in his life, I hope that you persevere all the way to the end of this posting, as you would be deservedly rewarded by the time you reach the final word, in the intellectual sense.
As all good stories go, there’s a girl involved. He would kill me if I told you who she was, so for my well-being, lets keep her a secret shall we? Well his whole life can be split into 2 different phases. Before the girl, and after the girl. Before the girl, he was a reserved kid, shy round girls, and generally not living as he really should. Look, it was a torrid time for the Ego, those 4 months, when I had to share his consciousness with her, but it was his hormones that decided to conspire against him. Heck, even the Ego didn’t get a hint of what was going on, they were really good. It will take me a while to forgive what they did, but here’s what happened.
One moment, he was his normal self, then the next, he saw her face, then somehow the stars seemed to suddenly aligne, trust me, its not easy to get them to line up, his hormones got it down to clockwork. Some kind of internal harmonious symphony suddenly just kicked into action, playing a hypnotic tune, so melodious in her wake. It gripped his mind like nothing he had ever known, by the time I realized, it was too late. I could do nothing to save him. He had a crush.
Can you imagine? The Great Ego, giving way to a girl!Had to take a backseat for a while, those vile, sneaky bastards.
So in all the Ego's wisedom, told him to enjoy it while he could. That time was when he started to actually identify to corny love songs,and such, in fact, corny was slowly slipping away from his vocabulary, scarry indeed. So with the Ego and her trying to gain control of him, the Ego succeeded in preventing him from doing anything as assinine as courting her, but the stalking could not be helped. There is only soo much the Ego could do in that kind of situations. And soo it was, with him on cload nine, and the Ego tagging along with a sour, moody face.
You know the saying "Absence makes the heart grow fonder", yeah, well thats bullshit. Thank goodness. It took a little more than a month of "absence" from her or seeing her, and he was cured of all puppy-love-sickness. And finally the Ego regained full control of him. And finally, his rite of passsage was over, all teenage affliated things which came hand in hand with hormones finally came to a full circle. She was gone, his pimples were gone, and the hormones are gone too, maintaining a low profile, as they should, or they'll face the Ego's wrath. But he guesses, this was his renaissance, finally, he was complete. This year, the world witnessed a new Albert, one that would'nt bat an eyelid at being hot on the scorching trails of some blistering hot chick or other. His confidence, somehow just spilled over. All because of her.
But of course, she will always be that special one. In spite of him having roving eyes. But the irony was that she was the last person he would choose to have any sort of feelings for, he regrets the whole charade of actually liking HER of all people.Sometimes he wonders, if only he didnt look at her at that very moment in that way, if only he didnt check her out, wouldnt things be soo much more different? In all his sensibility, he knows that she's the last girl he would go for, and yet, she just had to be the ONE. But that's just how it is isnt it? Of all the fish in the ocean Albert, of all of them.........
But now that is well and truly old news. Just another skeleton in his cupboard. And now hes pretty much resigned to losing her to another guy, it doesnt really matter to him, whoever that lucky s. o. b. is. He doesnt mind being beaten to her by a richer guy, a smarter guy, a more handsome guy or a more charming guy, but never, never has and never will, be beaten by a guy who felt for her as much as he did.( this was the best ending in mind, deosnt really reflect the truth, so dont take it too literally)

2006-10-28T21:42:00.000-05:00

2 guys, 2 gals and an Asia Cafe

Gosh, today was fun. Reddy absolutely insisted he went to Asia Cafe, despite his protestations of having a board meeting, and not knowing where or what asia cafe was(yeah, got a lot of omg's from people when he told them that). But Reddy always had her way. Actually it was just going out on the occasion of Shereena's birthday that gave him 2nd thoughts about joining them. Believe it or not, it was close to 3 years of being classmates with her yet he did not ever had a conversation with her, and she blocked him on msn after learning of his identity, also her ex-friend convinced him that she hated him, soo there you have it, all laid out the reasons why he had 2nd thoughts about the whole thing. But Reddy, how much Albert owes you, not just for the tie, but this too, and he really appreciates it. Today he mustered up the courage to wish Shereena happy birthday, and would you know it, she didnt morph into a monster and gobble him up. She thanked him. Dont blame him, he was running thru all the worst case scenarios in his head already, just proud that he actually broke the cold, hard ice with her. She didnt hate him after all.

After much walking, he finally reached Asia cafe. Ate this English dish, disguised as a jamaican one, sold by a Pakistani dude, truly diverse alright. Then the walking back home part was quite candid. Yeah, when your're sitting down trying to finish your food, nothing interesting really happens. Soo he managed to interject a lil conversation with Sher in the midst of a wacky Reddy who was at her over-the-top delirius best. Shereena was friendly, until they teased each other. Reddy almost squeezed the muscles out of his arm when they crossed the road. But he didnt mind. Somehow Shereena wasnt in any rush to go to Mr. Nada's tuition, quite the contrary to Reddy, maybe Mr Nada is good looking to her, c'mon, hes only like 78 years old. She has a real problem rolling her "r"s Shereena, very cute when she tries to. She asked him what "ambiguos" meant, which he gladly obliged to explain to her, after all, its not always people ask you what a word means, most of the time they nod and pretend they know what it means. Very messy isnt it, not really going anywhere this post, literally random thoughts that pop into the mind. But read on.

Then came the juction where they had to part, then he had to follow Sean home to get his bag. Before he left tho, he had a lil heart to heart conversation with Sean, found out some pretty interesting stuff about him, Sean pobably found out some interesting stuff bout him too.
But lets keep that between Sean and Albert.

As he waits on tomorrow to come, maybe bringing with it more interesting conversation's with people he's hoping to continue speaking to, he would have to part with his dear reader now. Theres tonnes of things he should be doing, instead of aimlessly typing away at this blog. So there you have it, an important historical day in the pages of Albert Kamahlendra's life, for today, he finally, spoke to Shereena.

2006-10-28T21:30:00.000-05:00

winds of change, fast, furious and swift indeed.

The week ended for Albert Kamahlendra, prefect of SMKss17. And boy, one helluva week it was for him. First, well, he was depressed. Nothing unusual tho, hes been pretty used to it, in fact hes gotten attached to being depressed, numerous problems plagued him, if u want to know. Everything from domestic ones to school related ones. And he lost his ring. Again.

But then, after the usual boring Tuesday, Wednesday brought with it some interesting drama. During a free period, the 2 anusha's were involved in an ungly altercation, needless to say, only one anusha had her reputation intact. Albert had certain comments to make on the matter, but I didnt think it was a good idea as it would jeapordize his reputation. It was a small matter really, all Anusha (there is a reason why the anusha is not specified)needed was a little more discretion on the matter, then there is the case of emotional instability, but it all boiled down to Pn Raha giving us a couple of "pengajaran", typical of her, besides, I think it was komsas that day. This was nothing compared to Thursday.

On Thursday, on his way to the bio lab, he was handed a secret admirer note by a girl in his prefectorial group. It was written on a piece of tissue paper. Obviously, it was a prank. There were 2 different handwrittings, there wasnt much attention to detail, and bloody hell, it was on a bloody tissue paper. (I was using an expletive, the tissue didnt hav blood on it) I was ready to give them a piece of my mind, but Albert didnt want to, chickened out I guess.

Still, this was still no match for Friday. He came early today, bout 5 mins earlier. Signed his name in as usual, then went to the canteen, engaged in small talk with Sam. And would you believe it, Kosheila was actually there!! She beckoned to him, he simply smiled in suprise, after all he thought she crawled in a hole and didnt come out again. He was wrong. Still staring at her as Samuel blabbered on, he waited patiently for some girl to leave Kosheila alone. But instead Kosheila hijacked Albert and took him for a lil stroll as they caught up on old matters. She was just as charming as ever, Albert stuttered in her presence, hoping she didnt notice. He wished he had more time with her as he heard the bell go, then they both knew they had to be somewhere else, almost without any parting words they went their separate ways, hes gonna regret that, I dont know when he'll see her again. He was smilling ear to ear from then on. Then he had a fantastic time during pj. Football drives his life. Then came recess.

More small talk with more people ended with Calvin. Then he rememberes he was supposed to break the ice(its an idiom, there wasnt any actual breaking of ice) with Manisya. He quickly goes in search of her, fearing he was too late. (ignore the false sense of a climax and keep reading) He caught up with Manisya. Musterred a weak "hey" as she turned and gave him a smile in return. At this point it could either turn awkwardly silent or she could give him a signal. The ball was in her court. She gestured to him and asked him if he wanted to "talk" after shooing her girlfriends off. Exactly what he was waiting for. "ahh, Manisya in the flesh," he started off, then it was easy, just a matter of keeping the ball rolling. He didnt stutter. Thank gawd. They talked bout everything exept the weather, then a familiar sense of dread came over him as Manisya announced that he should probably be in class, this time he did not make the mistake he made before. "same time tomorrow?" he probed "No im not coming." "Monday?"he continued "no, Im...."before she finished, " Tuesday?" he was not giving up, "yeah, ok" she gave in. Satisfaction. She once commented on msn asking if he was avoiding her, he definately wasnt now was he?

Now hes here, wondering what he did to deserve such good and drastic change of fortunes, and the best part is that the schooling week has not ended, theres still school on Saturday. And guess what, its according to Friday's schedule.

2006-10-25T11:26:00.000-05:00

PILOT
This is the only blog in 3rd person. Period. There wont be any fancy pics here. Albert's nameless alter-ego will be doing the posting. You just enjoy the ride. This is here because the apparent success of the previous two blogs. Soo for a while now u'll be getting cut and paste work. This is in its infancy, so it will take a while for this to be a decent blog, in the meantime, the plain postings will just have to do. Thats all.